Sorry for not posting yesterday. The last 5 days have been such a blur.
We brought Parker home yesterday. He has lymphoma in his liver, lymph node & possibly spinal cord. The vet called & told me while I was in the toy aisle at Target, needless to say we came home with way more princess paraphernalia than I ever would’ve gone for.
I don’t know how to write about this yet. Normally when I’m carrying an emotional burden the words practically type themselves. It just flows & I feel somewhat relieved but this sadness is too heavy. Yes, heavy. Like a weight on your chest that pulls on you all day until you finally give in to it & just sit down.
I’d stick to just giving the facts but I don’t even know what those are at this point.
One phone call it’s, “Hey, looks like he’s got kidney disease, probably only a few weeks to live.”
Then the next morning it’s a different Dr. & she thinks, “Well, he actually has a raging UTI, maybe this could be causing all of his problems and a stiff round of antibiotics will get him back on track.”
Then the next day, “Actually I think he probably has cancer, we should do a biopsy.”
Later that afternoon, “You know, a bunch of us talked and we’re thinking maybe not cancer at all, looks like liver disease. Which we can treat”
Then yesterday’s Target call of “Nope, it’s definitely Lymphoma. So sorry.”
At that point Peter & I had the hard conversation about whether or not to put our 10 year dog through canine chemo. We had almost definitely decided ‘no’ when I got a phone call from our friend who’s been an amazing support through all of this, (He’s a veterinary surgeon) & he gave us some really encouraging information about Lymphoma & why he thinks Parker has a really good shot at regaining his previous quality of life for a year, maybe even two, if we do a round of chemotherapy. We quickly decided yes, we can make a few sacrifices of things we wanted to do & instead would put our dog through chemo. I went to bed somewhat at peace knowing we had reason to keep trying but if it didn’t work we had done what we could.
I called the vet last night & then a few more times this morning trying to get Parker in for his first round of chemo today. No return calls. Finally at 1pm a very pissed off Natasha called again & left a bit firmer of a voicemail for the vet. She called back & explained that she was a bit surprised we had changed our minds about treating Parker because the odds of a dog with cancer in his liver recuperating from chemotherapy were slim. She said maybe 3 months tops.
Seriously?
I mean, SERIOUSLY!?
I have had the “Ok, you’re dog’s going to die” phone call THREE times in the last 5 days only to have it almost immediately replaced with an “Actually I think we can help him” phone call not even 24 hours later. I am so sick & tired of getting my hopes up only to have them come crashing down again & again.
I don’t know what to do. He’s my little buddy. My man. Parker is my dog who’s gone with me from shitty college apartment to slightly better first job condo to living with boyfriends & then back on our own. He was there when I got married & there when we brought Sam & then Sophie home from the hospital. We brought home the baby hats so he could become familiar with the new little person coming into our family but P & I knew we didn’t have to worry about him. He’s a sheepdog & without hesitation has always regarded all of us as his flock.
He protects us from the UPS man & single handedly monitors the squirrel population in our backyard.
He laid next to me through post pardom depression & without a shred of resentment took his place as a second class citizen in our home when we become too busy for our dogs.
A wagging tail & a sheltie spin can always be expected when I walk in the door.
If I’m feeling lonely or down a little whistle & he’s right there, more than happy to break the rules & cuddle with me on the couch.
And now it’s my responsibility to do what’s best for him.
How do I ever begin to decide what’s worth trying & what’s too much for him. If chemo doesn’t work do I have him put too sleep while he’s still relatively happy or do I wait until the cancer takes over his body organ by organ? He can’t tell me when he’s too tired or has had enough. I try to judge by how much or little his eyes light up when I call his name but I’m still not sure. How do I know it’s not just a bad day & he’ll be happy tomorrow that he’s still alive? These are God decisions. Not me decisions. And yet I have no choice.
I guess this is being a grown-up huh?
Last night Sam, completely on her own, lay down next to Parker & asked me to get the camera & take a picture of the two of them. Could she somehow know something I don’t?
Then I caught Sophie last night taking off her one sock & sticking her bare foot in Parker’s face because she knows he’ll always lick her toes. Just like he’s been doing since she was a little baby.
So for now I’m changing his diaper every few hours since he has no bladder or anal control. I’m wiping his butt when it leaks & feeding him his food by hand. He’s basically become the 3rd baby in the house. 
I’m rubbing him till he falls asleep & find myself torn whether I hope Jesus will take him while he’s comfortable in my arms or keep him breathing just one more day.
I didn’t think I’d feel this way when our dogs were going to die. Don’t get my wrong, I love them desperately but with two little kids to care for the dogs often have become yet another creature to care for. Another mouth to feed & responsibility to remember despite an overly filled brain. I’ve even found myself angry when they’ve thrown up on the carpet when I’m trying to get the kids out the door, or barked & woken Sophie out of a much needed nap. I’ve thought, “STUPID STUPID DOG! I WISH WE COULD JUST GET RID OF YOU!” I don’t mean it of course…mostly. Now however all I feel is an enormous amount of guilt for not appreciating what a blessing he’s been in my life & how desperately I’m going to miss him. Stupid dog.
I’m so sorry 🙁 this post has me in tears thinking about your poor little guy 🙁
I am so sorry. I have tears in my eyes and can imagine how hard it must be.
I’m so sorry, Natasha. My heart is breaking for you and your family right now. My family just went through a similar thing with our darling 17-year-old pup, Brandy. What you wrote above is everything I’ve been feeling . . . thank you, and prayers.
Natasha: You’re post touched me too. As I sit here with tears in my eyes, I can only recall the tough times I have been through with sick/dying pets. Parker is a beautiful dog and I can’t imagine how hard this is for you and your family. All my prayers to you, Parker and your family during this tough time. I know you and your husband will make the best decision for Parker.
I am so sorry to hear what you guys are going through. This post had me in tears. My husband and I love our dog, I can only imagine as much as you all love Parker. My thoughts are with you all!! <3
I’m so sorry. I felt exactly this same way when I had to put my cat asleep a few years ago. She was 18. I think in the end, you will make the best decision for him. Good luck and I’m thinking of you! <3
Hi Natasha! I read your blog religiously and i must say, this made me cry! I have two Shi-tzus and i can’t imagine going through the pain you are going through! I know one day this day will come for me too, but it’s hard to even think about. They are my babies who have gone through 9 years of my lifes ups and downs. I pray for your dog Parker and i hope nothing but the best of outcomes.
My heart is breaking for you. I have tears running down my face at work. I am so sorry you are going through this. Prayers that you will find strength and peace in making the right decision, whatever that may be.
We just lost out 11 year old rottie to cancer last July. Much the same as your pup, she had been with us through a new house, getting married and having 2 kids. Her decline came on so fast. One day she had a tumor removed, a week later we had to have her put down as she couldn’t keep any food down. (She had a larger tumor blocking her stomach.)
The nurse at our vet’s office gave me a great idea that really helped us with our decision. Sit down and make a list of 3 things that make Parker – Parker. 3 things that make him the Parker you know and love. Once he can no longer do 2 of those 3 things, and you know he doesn’t have much of a quality of life left, it becomes a little easier (? not the right word, it’s never easy) to let him go.
Good luck. It’s never an easy situation. We still miss Kaya and talk about her on a daily basis.
Also, I know your kids are younger (mine were 3 & 6 when we had to let Kaya go), but this book http://www.amazon.com/Dog-Heaven-Cynthia-Rylant/dp/0590417010/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1331157511&sr=8-1 was a huge help for our kids to understand where Kaya had gone.
Getting that book tonight, thank you! Also good tip from the vet tech, I’ll be giving that thought tonight
I’m so sorry. I always read your blog and usually don’t comment, but this reminds me all too much of 7 years ago–I grew up with shelties and our 10 year old girl, Lady, got the exact same cancer as Parker. Sadly, it’s a type that you rarely catch soon enough. I did the same hand feeding until she stopped eating entirely. If it helps any, I really think Parker can, and will, tell you when he’s ready to go–Lady told us. We could tell she was getting sicker, but it got to the point where she wouldn’t really move any more–she’d stay in one place and that was it. Except for going outside. She wanted to be outside, by herself, constantly. It was bitter cold, PA February weather with snow, and she wanted to be outside alone. We knew at that point she was ready to go, and wanted to go. I spent the whole night before sleeping on a couch near the front door, with an alarm set to go off every 10 minutes, so I could get up and go check on her–I let her stay outside all night like she wanted, covered up in a warm blanket. She also looked in my eyes, and I could tell she was ready. I truly believe he’ll let you know when he’s ready to go–Shelties are very smart, wonderful dogs. You’re doing all you can for him, and I’m sure he knows and loves you all the more for it. Hang in there. ::huge hugs:: If you’d like to chat with someone whose been through similar, feel free to drop me an email. ::more hugs::
Tears reading this, I hope he lets us know like your dear Lady did. Sheltie’s are something else aren’t they?
I know what you’re going through. I had to make a very hard and painful decision with mbettery dog. He had lymes disease and it affected him so badly to the point where he couldn’t walk, had to be hand fed, and on doggie diapers. I put him in therapy in hopes that he would get better, but I knew I couldn’t let him suffer anymore. So I decided to put him down. It wasn’t easy and I cried for days. I still miss him to this day, but I know he’s in a better peaceful place now and still holds a place in my heart.
We had our family dog of almost 18 years put down last month. Luckily, I wasn’t the one to have to make the decision. It would have been so hard. I understand your pain and hope you find some peace with whatever decision you make. Parker is a very lucky and well-loved pup.
I am so, so sorry. I know exactly what you’re going through. Two years ago our beloved kitty that we’d had since college, Mandy, began throwing up blood and acting out of sorts. After spending more money than we had trying to figure out what was wrong, the news came back that she had lymphoma, and the tumor that was blocking almost her entire intestine was inoperable. She was only 6.
I can’t say what would be the best for your family, but we opted to not do chemotherapy. I was pregnant with our second child, and the odds of it helping at all weren’t that good- nevermind the financial burden since our pets don’t have insurance like we do.
But one thing I can say from experience- please don’t let your furbaby suffer for long. My biggest regret is that we held onto Mandy for longer than we should have while she was clearly suffering and should have been put to sleep. I just couldn’t bring myself to do it- and when I finally realized it was time, she was suffering so much.
*Hugs*
I’m so sorry Natasha. My dog is also 10 years old and has been through thick and thin with me. I couldn’t imagine anything happening to her but I know in the back of mind that dog’s don’t live forever. 🙁 I’m thinking of you and your family through this tough time. I hope your little man makes it through and is around a little longer. Sending hugs!
so sorry 🙁 Precious pictures. The girls will love seeing those when they’re older.
My family went through this a few years ago with our golden. He had a growth on his nose and no one could tell what was wrong with him for at least 3 months. When we finally figured out what kind of cancer it was, any treatment would have been torturous and uncertain and would have him away from us for over a month.
So we focused on giving him the best last few months we could. Treats and people food and lots of walks and dog park trips. When it was his time and he wasn’t enjoying his life anymore, we made the difficult decision to put him down.
Just like our dog, Parker brought so much joy into your life. I hope that he is able to be treated and if not I hope he is happy for as long as he can be.
I’m so so sorry Nat. Seriously, I feel so deeply sad for you. I have a rescue shepherd/lab (named Sam!) and have worked as a volunteer with dog rescue for awhile. This is the impossible decision us dog owners will face at one time. I hope whatever happens that you can find peace with your choices. Parker knows how much you love him and you’ve given him the best life possible. Thinking about your family!
Tears reading this and the comments. Whatever decision you make will be the right one for your two and four legged family and we will all support you.
Your dog seems to mean a lot to you. I recommend you get a second opinion. Go to another vet. This one has clearly put you to the wringer and with disturbing levels of confidence with each up and down (a great vet would be more cautious about talking about an outlook without conclusive test results). A second opinion won’t necessarily mean that Parker will get a different or better diagnosis (although it would be really great if it does, fingers crossed!) but it will at least help you get your head straight after this roller coaster. Parker needs a new workup, maybe your vet surgeon friend can help with references?
My Nicky has been gone just over a year now and the pain of that loss…and of making the decision to let him go are still so fresh. I am so sorry about Parker and that you, Peter, and the kids are faced with this kind of sadness. I was going to recommend the book Dog Heaven, but someone else beat me to it. We have Cat Heaven and it was really helpful for Kendall. She still talks about Nicky and misses him, but overall I think she’s handled it better than I have. I still have a hard time talking about it too much.
In addition to the sadness, I truly understand the guilt too. With Nicky (and as we face the decline of his brother, Ben) it was much like what you described regarding what happens when kids are added to the equation. My love for my pets did not diminish, but the amount of time I can devote to them did (not to mention my patience) and I do feel awful about that. I have come to see that the silver lining is that though I worried how Nicky (and the rest of our furry bunch) would react to Kendall, I can honestly say that Nicky loved Kendall (as does Ben). And while Nicky sometimes sought shelter from her grabby hands, I know he often appreciated the attention she gave when I could not. So no matter what, I am sure Parker knows how very loved he is by all of you. Thinking of all of you and saying a prayer.
I had to write to you and express my sincere sympathy, as my little dog was diagnosed with having an enlarged heart in mid-January (but really, it’s what we’ve known all along – just a really big heart!). My vet was pretty insensitive to my reactions, so I took him to the head honcho of that office and have been happy ever since. Buddy is on 3 different medicines morning and night, in addition to his brother having an insulin shot at the same time. Though the original vet was pessimistic, the medicines seem to help him and though he still coughs, his personality is all the same Buddy. You will make the right decision for your puppy, you will know what to do at just the right moment. My happy thoughts and prayers are with you, Kane/P, and your beautiful daughters. And if he’s sleeping right now, go give him a little rub; he’s so tired from loving so hard 🙂
This post touched me so much and I am all tearful for your dog and your family. I am so sorry he and you all have to go through this.
I’m not even an animal person and you had me in tears! Beautiful writing. Thinking of you and your family during this difficult time.
Reading your post has me in tears right now. I’ve never been a pet owner, just sorta adopted my friend’s pets. My best friend had to put her cat down last year and I think I cried that whole week after. They just worm their way into your hearts and never leave.
My thoughts and prayers are with you all.
Natasha, I am so sorry for you having to go through this. This is one of those times in life where it just sucks to be a grown up. I never had to deal with this until my own cat, who I had for 15 yrs, became sick, old and just deteriorated. I know exactly how you feel–these decisions are not ones that you feel you should make. It really feels like it should be in God’s hands. I felt it too. I really felt guilty for not appreciating my cat for being there for me-all the time. I waited over months for a sign from her and finally just decided when she was down to 5 lbs, after rounds and rounds of tests that it was her time. Her quality of life was not what it should be and she was not getting better. We tried probiotics, new foods, testing. I can honestly tell you that I still feel guilty for having to make the decision to put her to sleep, but I know in my heart that she is not suffering anymore. I know that she needed me to make the choice.
I really hope that the chemo helps Parker. I hope that you will have more time with him, for your family to enjoy too. I hope that when Parker’s time comes that you will be at peace and that you will know. I truly am so sorry that you have this difficult time happening. I am praying for you and your family, and for Parker.
My thoughts are with you and the family. I know with two little ones of my own that it is very hard to manage your family on top of another little critter. We sure do take them for granted. I’ll be keeping you all in my thoughts and prayers!
I’m so sorry Natasha, this post describes exactly every feeling and emotion I went through before we put our little Kiwi down to sleep. I’m crying and missing her so bad right now. I will say that no one but you can tell you what decision to make for Parker. Doesn’t make it any easier but try not to beat yourself up or second guess. I am going to buy that book Dog Heaven too.
Natasha I am so sorry to hear what you and your family have to go through. I have 2 dogs of my own and can’t even think of something happening to them. This reminded me so much of my husbands dog who at the tender age of 17 showed the same signs. Long story short they made the decision to put her to sleep but I really think they know because she curled up on her fav blankie behind the couch (when we were all watching tv) and just fell asleep and went out on her own. They know. Parker will surely know that when you all make the decision it will be the right one for him. Best of luck and hugs.
Natasha
I’m so sorry about Parker he was so sweet. I’ve been following your blog and listening to P’s radio show for years and have heard many many stories about your sweet pup! You all will be in my prayers tonight!
Praying for y’all tonight.. Pets are definitely part of the family, human or not, and it’s never easy to see someone you love suffering.
I’m sitting here with tears streaming down my face. I say (if you can) go for the chemo. We did that when one of our goldens had lymphoma and they said he MIGHT have 6 months to live. Almost 24 months later he is kicking and doing great- he goes back to the vet every 6 months for a check up. He was old when he went through it, like 8 or 9, so don’t lose faith. I know you also live in Montgomery County so check out the VCA specialists- they’re amazing and in Gaithersburg. I think our doctor was Dr. Kalo. Best of luck!
Natasha, I’m so sad for you. I don’t even like dogs and I’m sitting here crying. My heart hurts for you and your family and I’ll be praying that God gives you the strength to make the tough, decision- if you need to.
xo
oh my gosh, this entry brought me to tears. I’m so sorry 🙁 I don’t have a pet of my own but I do know the love for dogs as your own family and I don’t know how I’d deal with something like this. you’re so strong and I really hope you’ll be ok. I hope Parker doesn’t go through too much pain 🙁 *hugs to you*
As I read this I got tears in my eyes. I have been through this stuff with both my childhood pets and it the heart break is something that only other animal lovers can understand. However, the family I work for, has a beautiful 8 year old dog who was diagnosed with cancer about 4 years back. Three vets said there was no hope, to put her to sleep and be done with it. Finally my boss tried one more vet who said there was a chance, a small one, but a chance. After chemo, and a surgery to remove her jaw bone (where the cancer was most prominent) she is a healthy thriving dog! I would take parker to get a second opinion. If you want I can even get the vets info that saved my boss’ dog.
A peice of her jaw bone..oops..not the whole one thing
I’m so sorry! This post has me crying like a baby. I’m so sorry for all you are going through. Whenever I get worked up about our dogs having such a short life span, he reminds me that all we can do is give them a great life while we have time together. You have given Parker a great life, friendship and love. I wish you the best and you’re in my thoughts!
I am so sorry to hear that you are going through this. When you have had a pet that long, they are not just a pet, but a member of the family. If you can possibly afford it, think about getting a second opinion so you can make an informed choice and think of pursuing your options the same as you would if a member of your family was ill and not be to quick to give up. I gave up to easily and will regret it forever.
Natasha ~
I have dealt with losing many animals over the years. It never gets any easier. You will know when Parker is ready. Prayers and hugs for you and yours tonight.
~Kimberlee
PS – I would be very peaved at that vet’s office… sheesh.
This is by far one of my favorite stories on your blog! Despite Parker is going through something very SERIOUS. I enjoyed you pouring your heart out over what to do about Parker’s condition. Then to top it off you added the pictures of Sam and Sophie with Parker in there which I could not contain myself. Just know that what ever decision you decide to make concerning Parker it will be the right decision for you and your family! Hang in there Natasha! PRAYING!
I’m so sorry hon. Cannot imagine the heartbreak. We had to rehome our 4 before we moved to Australia and that was hard enough. I can’t imagine losing them. As long as he’s with you and happy just take each day as it comes. Thinking of you xxx
This post brought me to tears, Natasha. I am so, so sorry for what you are going through, and can only imagine how difficult the same might be for me in a few years with my older dog. Know that we are all with you and your family through this difficult time, and that you should in no way feel guilty for giving Parker the incredible life and loving family that you have!
Natasha- I know you get a million comments, email, etc. to go through, but I hope you see this. I know EXACTLY what you nd your family are going through. I found out late January that my 8 year old Husky, Rot, & German Shepherd mix has lymphoma. I never would have imagined my wild, happy, snuggly bear of a beast would ever get sick. It’s in his liver, he has a mass by his heart, and he has several new tumors as of yesterday. When we first found out, he seemed perfectly healthy, minus the fact that he had stopped eating. We started him on chemo immediately. It has given us about 6 extra weeks with him, but his quality of life has began to deteriorate. He had chemo treatment #3 of 5 yesterday, and it will be his last. It’s not an easy decision, but we know it’s the right one. I’ll pray for your family, and your sweet little pup. My beast is laying against my leg as I write this, and I have to tell you that I broke down when I read your post because I can’t imagine my life without this fluffball.
Oh I’m so sorry Jessica. Parker is laying next to me too right now & it’s just heart-breaking to think that he won’t be here much longer. I can’t stand it.
All we can do is really enjoy the last moments we have with them & make them as comfortable as possible. They know they aren’t well, and they just don’t want to go through this alone. Thank you for responding, and I wish nothing but the best for your family during this rough time.
I’m sitting here with tears rolling down my cheeks 🙁 I’m so sorry you have to go through this – my heart hurts for you. Almost 2 years ago, we had to go through the same thing with our dog (who was also 10 years old). More tests, more “maybe this is what she has”, more medications, more special foods. Until finally they told us she had cancer. Unfortunately, she had already lost so much weight and was getting too weak so the vet highly advised against chemo since in her state since it would have been rough on her. We had to make the heart-wrenching decision to put her down and it was one of the hardest things we ever had to do. However, we knew she was at peace and out of pain. I only wish they had caught it sooner so we could have had more time with her.
I know it’s such a tough decision on what to do and how to go about doing it though I know that God will guide you in the right direction and whatever decision your heart tells you to make will be the right one for Parker. Just always remember how you gave him an amazing life and you’re a wonderful pet parent. He’s a very lucky dog to have ended up with a family like yours 🙂 I will keep you all in my thoughts and prayers!
Last October, I had been hand feeding my 10 year old cat for a week and taking her every few days for fluids at a vet clinic… she had some strange blosting in her abdomen. After an inconclusive x-ray and blood test, we went to a specialty vet in Lexington, KY. (we live 75 miles south and I had to go alone, since my husband was busy at work.) The ultrasound showed cancer. Cancer that had spread from a major organ and we would have never known unless we regularly ultrasounded or scanned the cat. (who does that? right?!) He said that he could do exploratory surgery to confirm, but then there really wasn’t any hope for more than a few days of her surviving.
Of course, I called my husband- he’s a general surgeon, he deals with stuff like this in people all of the time… we agreed to send her off in the most dignified way by doing it then and not waiting. It was the hardest thing for me to do, and do it alone and have to drive back home 75 miles . It’s still really hard to talk about… and type, I’m in tears right now.
After awhile, I started to think back on her behavior during the past yer and even later. Most recently, she had been pushing away, little by little. (not sleeping with us, not wanting to be held, sleeping in bed all day, etc.) She was also pretty irritable for over a year. She would let me interact with her most of the time, but then would swat and meow like she was angry. She had also been having frequent UTI’s.
Sometimes doing what’s right and loving for your fur baby is the hardest, and looks so unfair. Sylvia, my kitty, was flirty with the male vet up to the end that day… she loved men. We always said that she was a hooker- and she was sassy pants. That was what made it harder for me to say good- bye. She was still her, but she wasn’t comfortable and didn’t want to eat. She knew that it was time, so I had to listen to her.
I am so sorry that you have to go through this- especially after all of your health issues this past year. When you do the deed, have Parker cremated. Then you will have a little box with a little bit of him still with you. Sometimes that helps.
Sorry for my irritating typos… bloating was what she had. Oooo, and the word year, not yer.
I’m so sorry that you and your family are going through this. Your blog has me in tears, I understand the love for a dog. I pray for God to comfort you and your family.
I’m trying to figure out how to word this so it doesn’t come across as insensitive to what’s going on right now, or critical in anyway. First, I am so sorry for the hard choice that you’re up against; I have never owned a pet, so can’t say I know what you are going through, but I do love dogs, and we hope to get one in the next few years, so I’m sure I will understand one day.
But, the part of the comment that I’m hoping doesn’t come across a insensitive or critical is this; please, keep writing on LPM, and maybe not so much on The Kane Show blog or other places. When you write here, really write, there is something so pure and vulnerable in your words, and that makes you far more compelling to read than the jovial little posts elsewhere. This is your space. This is your thing, almost your sanctuary, it seems. I understand your (likely) reasons for writing over at your hubby’s site; lots of exposure. I get that. But this. This is why I enjoy coming to LPM. When you write posts like this, you really have a way of connecting with your readers. It’s a gift, really.
Just some unsolicited feedback. While I fear it may seem like criticism of your posts elsewhere, it is not meant to. But posts like this are why I keep coming back. 🙂
I know EXACTLY what you mean Wendy. And I agree.
When I told my husband about this post he asked which blog I posted it on & I was like, um of course I put it on LPM. I told him that LPM (in a possibly unhealthy way) is like my baby, my friend. I feel wrong when I keep things from you guys & look forward to putting everything out there on here. It’s such a safe place.
That won’t ever go away, I cherish it way too much.
I’ll still write the fluffy, fashion, frou frou stuff for Kaneshow & other sites that will pay me because let’s face it, the income would be awfully nice to offset the childcare but LPM will ALWAYS be my priority.
Thank you for reminding/reaffirming that for me. You’re like that good friend who tells you when you really shouldn’t wear those pants anymore because your rump has gotten big.
LOL, so glad I didn’t offend you. Amusingly, I am the friend that people always want to take shopping because I always give an honest opinion. 😉
Hi Natasha,
I am not a regular poster, but this post resonated so much with me that I had to reply. I know firsthand how difficult it can be to make the decision on whether to take your pet’s life into your own hands to let nature take it’s course. My teenage/college pup went through the same struggle, and we struggled to keep him alive until the very end. Looking back, I wish we would have made the decision to put him to sleep earlier than we did. In the last few days of his life, he couldn’t leave his “room,” couldn’t eat, and couldn’t control his bodily functions. For us, keeping him around was our selfish way of prolonging the inevitable.
I am a true believer that pets understand how much we love them, and know that we make decisions in their best interest. For us, we finally made the decision to put down our 13 year old Golden Retriever the day after Christmas 2008, and he passed on his own in the car on the way to the vet. I have to believe that he knew what was going on and decided to go on his own terms, but I wish we could have let go of him before he lost all quality of life.
Good luck,
Katie
So happy you said yes…i use to work at a vet and we had a patient you lived 3 years after chemo, even when then vets only gave him 6 months…my thoughts and prays are with your family 🙂
Thoughts and prayers are with you and the family!
Oh Natasha, I am so sorry for you and your family. Pets are usually the first one’s in our lives, before the kids, and have such a special place in our hearts. We never want to see our pets suffer, but you have to do what’s best for you and Parker. If it were our family dog, I’d do the chemo, give it a chance. With a lot of love and hope, he might do great and be with you for a few more years! You just never know. I would want to know that I tried whatever I could to make him better. Keep praying.
I love your posts, makes me feel “normal” when my life sometimes (ok, always) feels out of control. You’re so open and honest and I can understand where you’re coming from.
Good luck with your pup, I hope it works out, whatever decision you decide to make.
**HUGS**
Thanks. Comments like yours make me feel so good about putting our life out there…you’re like my crack. (:
Natasha,
You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. I am worried we are going to have to deal with a smilar situation with our 12 year old Beagle. He is starting to get old and it is going to be so hard especially to try and explain to our 3yo and 20 month old.
Lots of love and strength,
Erin
I am SO, SO sorry you have to deal with this. But I just hope you know, that dog KNOWS how much you love him. I had to put down my first baby, Trigger, a great dane this past September and it was harder than anything I have ever had to do, including childbirth. He was immobile, his back legs were paralyzed, but I didn’t care. I did laundry all day every day because we had to change his sheets and roll him over (at 140 pounds) a few times a day. He was my CHILD. He slept in bed with me until we got married, he was my daughter’s big brother. I will tell you that I was given the choice of keeping him on steroids that were basically killing him on the inside and I chose to not continue that. I held him like a baby while the vet did what she had to do and I knew that he trusted me. I wouldn’t take it back for everything because I was so glad I got to be there with him. Whatever you decide to do will be the right decision, and he was such a lucky dog to have had a family like you guys. Hugs to you and your family through all of this.
Natasha,
I am so sorry to hear about Parker. I should probably keep my opinion to myself but I want to share my experience with you. I went through this same exact thing last year with my dog. He is still alive and he did not have lymphoma, despite the doctors being convinced he did. He never had a biospy – long explanation that had to do with the steriods he was on – they did a tick disease panel and he was positive for Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever. The vets thought this was secondary to lymphoma, but it turns out the RMSV wreaked havoc on his immune system so his lymph nodes throughout his body were very enlarged. I just want to tell you that I think you should have a biospy done to confirm the lymphoma before you do chemo. Sounds like this has not been done yet? I’m aslo surprised the vet offered chemo without confirmation of the diagnosis. You need all the facts – and you deserve them from your vets before you make such serious decisions and emopotional preparations. What you’ve gone through with the vet’s indecision is emotional hell – its not fair to you. Anyway, just wanted to share and provide encouragement.
All my best to you and that handsome little guy.
Thanks Aly, I’m glad you did share your experience with me because it reminded me that we had a full tick panel done & I never did hear what the results were. They did do a biopsy which showed Lymphoma but I’m going to ask today if any of the other tests came back!
This is a really hard decision for you and I don’t envy this at all. Losing a pet is so much harder than people realize. I think everyone has been there at one point or another and we all feel the same way. Pets are pure love and losing them can feel like losing a piece of your heart.
That being said, I’m angry at your vet’s office! With all the conflicting information this office has given you and the flippant “oh we’re shocked you would try chemo” bullsh*t you’ve gotten so far, I’d be furious with the vet’s office. And if your vet surgeon friend thinks Parker has a fighting chance, then get in to THAT office and get a second opinion. Some vets are more realistic than others and some fight harder. 10 years is a long life, but if he has a chance at a few more that aren’t miserable years, I’d fight to find out what my options were.
Before you make your decision, get that second opinion!
So sorry!! I hope Parker is not in pain, and he has a wonderful owner/mother taking care of him!!
My heart goes out to you! Our 6 year old boxer died unexpected last August. he was like our first baby. Hang in there, your memories will keep you going.
Natasha, Im heartbroken to read this, i feel your pain completely. I found out 2 weeks ago that my dog has cancer after finding a cyst-like mass on her neck. I took her in and the vet told me that they need to remove and biospy to see exactly what stage. She will be 7 years on the 24th of this month. She’s been with me since she was 8 weeks old and she is my “baby” and i dont know what i’d do without her. Her surgery is scheduled for tomorrow to remove the cyst and see what stage we are dealing with.
I wish you the best with Parker and shall keep you within my prayers along with my Piper.
*hugs*
Christine
Natasha, I am soo sorry for what you are going through. We had to put our dog down years ago and it was a very hard thing to do. I will pray for you and Parker. Prayers for comfort & strength on making the decision you feel is best for your doggy. ((((HUGS)))!!
So sorry to hear about your dog. Praying for you and your family.
Prayers for you and your family and for Parker. I grew up with Shelties and they are precious, precious creatures. We lost our greyhound Dina almost two years ago to osteosarcoma. We chose not to pursue amputation (of her leg) and chemo. We were able to see a veterinary oncologist for a consult, and he explained the treatment, prognosis and effects on Dina. If you can find a vet who specializes in oncology, I would strongly recommend consulting them — it helped us make the best, and hardest, decision we could for our girl. (The one we saw didn’t need further tests, but evaluated the ones we had done with our own vet.)
Natasha, I don’t want to compare dogs and cats but we had a cat with lymphoma and she lived 4 years after her diagnosis. We just had to have her blood checked every 3 months. She lived until she was 15. Keep the faith and do what’s best for your pup.
This past V-day was the 2-yr. anniversary of the hardest decision I have ever made. My dog Maggie was the greatest pet in the entire world (same thing: moved across country with us, welcomed home 2 babies, moved to 3 different houses, etc.) She was diagnosed with a heart condition after I found her collapsed in the back yard. Thinking this “was it” I called my husband who rushed home from work to take her to the vet because we had a toddler and an infant at home with me. After 24 hours of observation and intervention, the vet eventually told us she wouldn’t have made it if we had waited an extra hour to take her in. At times I kick myself because we were given another 4 very difficult and stressful months with her struggling to live life as normally as she could. Of course the drs. offered to perform more invasive procedures to evaluate if more could be done for her but as others already commented, we could tell she was ready. It broke my heart and still does (I’m crying as I type this) but her memory lives on! She will never be replaced, no matter how much I love our two new dogs. My aunt sent me a quote that helped me in the moment: the pain of loss is the proof of love. Thinking of you and sending you strength as you work towards making all of these decisions!
This past V-day was the 2-yr. anniversary of the hardest decision I have ever made. My dog Maggie was the greatest pet in the entire world (same thing: moved across country with us, welcomed home 2 babies, moved to 3 different houses, etc.) She was diagnosed with a heart condition after I found her collapsed in the back yard. Thinking this “was it” I called my husband who rushed home from work to take her to the vet because we had a toddler and an infant at home with me. After 24 hours of observation and intervention, the vet eventually told us she wouldn’t have made it if we had waited an extra hour to take her in. At times I kick myself because we were given another 4 very difficult and stressful months with her struggling to live life as normally as she could. Of course the drs. offered to perform more invasive procedures to evaluate if more could be done for her but as others already commented, we could tell she was ready. It broke my heart and still does (I’m crying as I type this) but her memory lives on! She will never be replaced, no matter how much I love our two new dogs. My aunt sent me a quote that helped me in the moment: the pain of loss is the proof of love. Thinking of you and sending you strength as you work towards making all of these decisions!
Oh no, I’m so sorry. I know what you are going through because my 11 year old dog is sick with heart failure. Every night when she is weeping and coughing, I think she died. But the vet says she’s “not suffering” but to me this constant hacking cough is suffering. She doesn’t get up unless she needs to eat/drink/pee and that comes with tons of coughing too. We have to pick her up to go outside and pick her up to come in, it’s sad. I just don’t know what to do. I hope your family is in peace and your love will be happy for however long he has.
I know exactly how you feel. My family and I had to put our dog Chrissy down, we had hoped it wasn’t anything serious. Unfortunately her kidneys were failing and she had stopped eating. She was 16 years old, the holidays just weren’t the same without her begging at the Thanksgiving table. Parker is in my prayers, I know he will get through this 🙂
I heard your sad news this morning on The Kane Show and it hit so close to home. A little over a month ago, our 7 year old American Bulldog was diagnosed with bone cancer. Within two weeks, he had his rear leg amputated and had his first round of chemo last week. Like you, we were hesitant at first. We’re realistic and we know this isn’t a cure but we’re hoping his to extend his good quality of life for another year…hopefully more! It’s amazing how our animals have such an impact on our lives. They truly are family members. Keeping Parker in our thoughts during a very difficulty time!
ohhh….We lost our first fur baby Jack Russell just over a year ago. In one week he went downhill…
Bad timing for me to read your post, I am on the air right now and have tears in my eyes. I had to stop reading the responses, so I can continue to work. But what I did read-so true. They know how much you love them…
hugs to you. the photos are sweet.
Stay strong Natasha! 5 years ago I lost my dog to stomach cancer. I had no idea what he had. The vets also had no clue. He went from medicine to medicine. Needless to say, it was tough to see him sick. Then one week his condition didn’t get any better. At the end of it all, my family and I knew what we needed to do. It was tough for all of us but we were there for each other. No matter the outcome of the situation I just want to tell you to be strong. The love your family has for Parker (and each other) will get you through anything.
I am sending all my love to you and your family, and of course Parker. Know that you are not alone and you have lots of support!
<3
This post breaks my heart, I can only imagine what you are feeling. We have two labs and to say that they have left huge paw prints in my heart is an understatement. Sending prayers and positive thoughts your way! Hang in there!
First off let me start by saying that I am truely sorry for what you are going through and to say that I, like so many others here, am keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers. As only a young 21 year old punk kid I must say that this is going to be a huge and tough choice in your life and no matter what happens its going to stay with you for forever but you must keep in mind the amazing times you’ve had with him. 5 years ago I delt with a similar situation with my best friend and childhood companion Storm, a beautiful and wonderfull Wolfhound/Greyhound mix. We had her for 12 amazing and fun filled years and she came with us from Englad when my Da got stationed back in the States. I actually think my parents paid more on that one trip for her than we did for all three of us and I know we wouldn’t have it any other way.
She came with us from England back here and lived what I think as the best life any living animal could have until the age of 12 when we found out she had bone cancer. To make matters worse it was a week until Christmas when we got the news and since she was my best friend it came down to my decision on what to do. For that last week I stayed glued to her side until three days from Christmas, when everyone was asleep I pulled her close and told her that I knew it was hard, and that she was in a lot of pain and that I was being selfish, but if she could hold out so I could have one final Christmas with her then I would do whatever needed to be done. And she just looked at me with those big brown eyes, licked my cheek, and feel asleep next to me…..needless to say I had that one final Christmas. Christmas night I hugged her all night and told her thank you and that if she wanted to she could go, that she held up her side of our bargain and as such I would to…..she stayed with us for three more days until passing….and it still hurts to this day when Christmas comes but I know that no matter where I go she’s always there watching over me like she did in life…..its gonna be hard for all of you but just think of the great times y’all had, and love him like there is no tomorrow because even though he maybe hurting he is still the Guardian, watching out for the Invading Squriel Army and that evil UPS Man, and will ALWAYS be.
I am sorry about Parker, he looks like absolutely beautiful dog. However, if your animal is in pain you honestly need to put them to sleep. I know it’s hard, but it’s way better than the dog suffering. I am not trying to be rude or mean, because I know how hard it will be to have to put my dog that I’ve had since I was 6 (now almost 20) to sleep or find out she has passed away on her own accord. Yet, I know if my dog was suffering I wouldn’t put her through treatments just to keep her around longer or make them live in pain. Hang in there!
Natasha & P,
I am so so sorry you’re going through this. I’m crying my eyes out right now reading this. I always think of the day I will have to put my little guy down and it tears me apart inside. What a tough decision to make. Just know that whatever you decide to do, you are his family and he loves you all to the moon and back.
I feel for you so much. My little man was dealing with something very similar – Lymphosarcoma in his spinal cord. Surgery was out of the question and we decided to pursue the idea of chemo in the form of pills. Once a month he would get a dose of Chemo and he did really well for about 6 months. We had to make a tough decision about continuing his treatment and a week and a half ago we said goodbye.
I don’t regret for a second that we tried the chemo treatment…and he definitely let us know when he had had enough. But i still miss my little man with all of my heart. They leave such a HUGE impact on your life.
Did the spinal cord tumor affect his actions at all? That’s been a big thing with Parker, the neuro issues from his spinal cord being compressed.
One hundred percent. Gizmo lost almost all the motion in his rear left leg. The chemo shrank the tumor somewhat and he regained the use of his leg, but towards the end he was having trouble using both back legs.
xoxox – my heart goes out to you and your family. Its not easy at all, dealing with this stuff. Cancer sucks the big one and when i see it next its going to get a big punch in the face from me.
Natasha,
I can’t even imagine the pain and confusion you must be going through right now. Only those who have experienced the bond of a dog can understand what you’re going through. The decision you face is one that your gut will tell you. The loss of an animal is so painful there are no words to explain or help you, and I wish there were. I hope the appointment was able to give you some positive hope that Parker can get better. Just know that his 9 years on earth, you were his everything. He will remain in your heart forever and it’s never goodbye, just see ya later because I firmly believe “All Dogs Go To Heaven” 🙂 Much love and best wishes. Please keep us posted, and I’ll keep both you and Parker in my prayers!
Kelly
So beautifully written. We just went through this with our 14+ year old cat. I especially resonated with how you expressed the guilt over all the times after having little ones Parker felt like a burden and an annoyance. I so felt that way with Kiana after my son’s birth, and of course now I feel just horrible about it. I think somehow our pets understand though. And they always forgive. And they know that underneath all of that they are loved.
This reminds me of Marley and Me. 🙁 Sorry to hear about the news…
This post brought tears to my eyes. I cannot imagine how hard this is on you. I feel the same way about my dog of 10 years. Just know that you are coming from a place of love and understanding – everything Parker has given you in the past was the coming from the same place. Just love on Parker and know that one day you’ll meet again. I am so sorry you are going through this and I hope no matter what, Parker knows love thanks to you. HUGS.
Natasha I’m so sorry for your dog Parker, I have a dog and he has helped me through a lot of dark moments as well I know that its hard to see something you’ve cared for so long suffer and you cannot do anything about it . I was almost in tear reading this post. My love and prayers to Your family stay strong girly. Bessos y Abrazos Sheila