Here’s one of the good things about having an appointment at my Rheumatologist’s office, it’s right next to the mall & since I almost always make appointments when the kid’s are in school I can usually treat myself to a quick, guilt-free, kid-free, pop in. I’m a firm believer that you have to take little moments for just you when you can…right?
My appointment was this past Monday morning & I had only been in the mall a short 15 minutes when I decided that even though it wasn’t even 11a I desperately needed a slice of pizza. The food court was relatively empty, it was still well before the lunch rush, & right after I sat down with my slice of cheese I noticed a group of what appeared to be mentally handicapped adults at the table across from me. There was one man in a wheelchair with his head turned towards the ground, a few women who were quietly sitting at another table & two of who seemed to be caretakers.
My inner voice kicked in & reminded me not to stare & just as I was about to turn my gaze in the other direction the male caretaker called, in a very loud, assertive voice to the woman at the end of the table. He had a thick, island accent so I couldn’t quite make out her name but it sounded like “Annabelle”. For the sake of the story let’s just say it was. “Annabelle” he called, “Get up! Get up! Come here!” The woman looked like she might have Down’s Syndrome & from her grey hair I would guess she was in her 40’s or perhaps even 50’s. She slowly got up from her seat a table down from the man’s & with a downcast gaze walked towards him, once she was in front of him he told her, in the same loud assertive tone, even though she wasn’t more than 2 feet in front of him, “Jump! Jump!” She tried her best but only accomplished a little bounce.
I was taken back by this, did he really just yell at this woman to jump? Perhaps I misunderstood. I must have. His intentions were made quite clear however with his next command, “Dance! Annabelle, dance!” She did an odd bounce & with one hand she waved a beat in the air. He fell onto the table with laughter & reached out with one hand to the female caretaker across from him as if he was looking for her to agree about how hysterical this was. She smiled, shrugged & went back to reading something from a notebook in front of her. He then barked to Annabelle “Sit down! Come on now, sit down!” She slowly walked back to her seat, not once looking even slightly like she had enjoyed this.
You can only imagine my shock at what I had just witnessed. I was horrified, I mean, was I processing this correctly? Had he really just treated her like a circus animal doing tricks for his sick entertainment?? What happened next clarified any confusion I might have had.
He did it again.
Not 30 seconds after she had sat down.
“Annabelle!! Get up! Come on, get up!! Come here!” She looked a little confused, still downcast head, & walked over until she was once again in front of the man. “Dance Annabelle, come on jump!” She tried as hard as she could but her feet didn’t even come close to leaving the floor. He cracked up laughing again. Just then a third caretaker showed up, & the man dismissed her to sit down again.
At this point I was seething mad. I started quickly thinking about what to do. I looked around to see if anyone else had seen this. Maybe someone else would have the same look of both heartbreak & disgust and together we could do something. But no one. A few guys eating their bourbon chicken, another woman snacking on a salad, but no one seemed to be watching the horrible travesty that I had just witnessed.
I stared at the man. This wasn’t the look of death mom stare, this was the I hate you with all of my heart you killed my puppy & you will pay stare. At the very least if he knew someone was watching then maybe he would stop. He met my stare, and held it. To the point where I got a twitch of uneasiness, perhaps even intimidation, & looked away.
I sat there eating my pizza, occasionally looking over & meeting his glance again, trying my best to let him know my utter disdain, but here’s the thing, besides a nasty glare I didn’t know what the heck else to do about it.
There didn’t seem to be anything that would let me know what home or school they were from. I thought about going to up this man & demanding to know where he worked, but one, I doubt he would have told me, it was already quite clearly conveyed that I was NOT happy with him, & two, to be honest, I was kind of scared of him. This was a mean person. A person who had no conscience. It’s not like I was going to tell him how wrong what he had done was & he was going to have some great revelation. I started to think about what if he turned that mean streak towards me? I was all alone. What if he followed me out to my car? Of course these thoughts of mine could be teetering on the verge of paranoid but when you only have a few seconds to decide what to do some crazy stuff can fly through that frazzled little brain of yours.
In the end I left. I felt horrible about it, like I was in high school & had seen a bully torturing another kid & instead of helping had turned away & had gone on to class. It made me sick to my stomach but what else could I have done?
Do you ever watch the John Quinones show “What Would You Do?” In it they have actors play out situations in public & then wait to see what normal everyday people nearby would or wouldn’t do. Once, they had a girl who was clearly beyond intoxicated being picked up by a sleazy guy who was trying to get her back to his hotel room, some standerbys intervened & advocated for the girl who wasn’t able to say no. You get the point. The thing is whenever I’ve watched this show I have always been completely sure that I would be that person to help. I would be the one to stand up & say something. Here I was though, in my own real life “What would you do?” & I did nothing.
I’ve been thinking about this for the last few days & here’s what I’ve come up with, I can be disappointed in myself all day long but that won’t change what’s happened. This poor girl was being mistreated by the person who was entrusted to be taking care of her. I suspect by their apathy this was just a little peak into how they might treat all of their patients. What I can do is try to report this man. I can try to figure out what home had an outing to the mall that morning & just maybe it can be brought to the attention of the facility or perhaps this woman’s loved ones.
So two questions that I hope you’ll answer for me…
1) Honestly, what would you have done?
2) What can I do now? I’ve tried googling to find homes in that area & it’s not so easy to figure out. This happened at Montgomery Mall in Bethesda, MD on Monday morning around 10:45 am. Any ideas??
Wow! I would have been the one two tables over sharing in your disbelief if I was there. My husband uses the phrase “to sin by silence makes cowards of us all.” I try to repeat that in my head in any situation where I wonder if I should do something or walk away. I always like to think I’d do something.
As for what can you do now? I have only one idea, maybe next time you are in the mall, check with the restaurant they got food from – this may be a regular outing and the employees or manager may have come to expect them and even know them.
I like that saying, I’m going to have to remember that one!
Also they weren’t eating anything, they were just sitting there, killing time I guess ):
If I’d had a phone cam, I’d have videoed the action and sent it to the state department of health, or what ever passes for it in Maryland, along with a detailed account of what you witnessed.
Yeah my husband said the same thing, that he would’ve videotaped it, I wish I wouldve thought of that!
Oh, gosh, Natasha sorry you had to witness that. I know that must have been a very UNCOMFORTABLE situation. As for me I definitely understand the anger you must have felt watching this man treat this person with down syndrome like she was an animal. Reading this story broke my heart that caretakers who call themselves caretakers treat people like that. If anything they are there to help them care for these people through the day and help guide them. It would have been nice if a sercurity guard was around to see what was happening. I honestly don’t know what it is you can do to report this person if you didn’t get any information at that moment. Lets just pray that this “caretaker” gets reported soon! Please, keep us up dated if you decide to do anything.
This story breaks my heart. I would have been sneaky about it. I would have went up to them and told them I had a cousin or sibling who was mentally challenged and was in need of a caregiver. I’d then ask them who they worked for, their name, and any other information I could get out of them. Then I’d report them. Good luck in finding their place of business and reporting these jerks!
Ah man, where were you when I need you Kristal! You’re a clever girl!
Ask the food court people– my guess would be that they probably come to the mall regularly, and some of the employees there would probably know where they are from. The other option would be call your local DHS and ask about homes/facilities in the area, and try to narrow it down from there. I believe you have to do something, or it will eat away at you.
Yeah, I think you’re right ):
That’s soooo beyond awful! It makes me sick just to read it! Although, I am pretty sure I would have done the same thing. I get paralyzed ……and end up doing nothing. So I totally understand what you did. Maybe you could go back at the same time this week and see if they are there. Sometimes places like that keep the same outing schedule and visit the same places so it is routine for the residents. I know we see a group when we visit a local fast food restaurant after church on Sundays. And then if you did see them, maybe you could watch when they leave and see if they had a marked vehicle with a name or something? I know you said you didn’t see a vechile last time so I am not sure? Maybe some of the food court employes know them if they come there often…..that’s a long shot, I know. If you found any info I would call Adult Protective Services. I will pray you find something out. My heart is hurting so much for that lady! And if he is doing that to her in public I bet he is abusing her in other ways too……:(
Oh yeah, and let us know if you find anything out!
I work in the field, and my last position was actually receiving Human Rights complaints. I am in NoVA, but I would assume that MD has similar Human Rights processes. This would be a clear violation of Human Rights, and seriously has me tearful just reading it. I investigated complaints like this, though, (thankfully), most of our facilities were great. If you email me, I can give you more info. MoCo has a very large county human services system (I knew several folks who came from that system). Assuming that MD and VA have similar systems, your best best would be to call the Director of ID services in Mo Co. I can find you the numbers, etc. Typically, the ID Directors and staff know their clients so well that they could identify them with a general description like you have. They would not be able to tell you anything (like what GH she is in), but they could investigate it further, or call APS to investigate it further. I would highly encourage you to follow-up. This is such a vulnerable population that can not speak up for themselves, so it takes all of us to protect them.
Again, shoot me an email, and I will see if I can find you names/numbers of who to contact.
Emailing you now!!!
I emailed you back… Did you realize that today is National Down Syndrome Day?!? It’s a sign!
Sorry, I used acronyms – ID = Intellectually Disabled, GH = Group Home, APS = Adult Protective Services
I can’t believe that happened, so wrong. And really, it shouldn’t even be on you to report that, it should be on the other caretakers sitting by and watching it happen. It probably happens on a daily basis in their workplace, and they obviously see it in action. The food court workers may know, it is also a possibility that it is a weekly/biweekly/monthly outing for the group, and there is a chance they would come back again on the same day of the week/time of day. Stake out? Ultimately, was a learning experience and that’s what it should be taken as.
I haven’t read the other comments yet so if this is a repeat – sorry! First of all, that just fires me up. Instead of confronting the man, I would’ve approached the woman and just simply asked which home they were from. and then walk away. Then the usual follow-up with a call and a written report. That man needs to be fired because if he is verbally abusive… there is a good chance he’s also physically abusive. The fact that he met your gaze and was staring you down and being defiant? ::shudder:: That is just what experience tells me.
Secondly, if you can’t find the home then I would write to the editor of the local paper. SOMEONE will see it. And hopefully that SOMEONE will take the iniative to pursue it further.
Thirdly, homes usually stick with a schedule so there’s a good chance that it’s probably a weekly outing. With that in mind, you could also go with back-up (friends) and tape it.
I’m sorry that you witnessed it but am oh so grateful that it’s bothering you enough that you’re willing to try and do something about it.
Thanks Sara, those are great tips! Especially that they’re probably regulars. I ::WISH WISH WISH:: I wouldve thought to pull out my cell and video tape him, but if he were there again maybe something would happen again…I dunno…it’s just so awful ):
I am sure someone probably suggested this but maybe try to go back to the mall around the same time, same day. Chances are this is a regular outing for the home and they are bound to be there again. I’m sorry that you had to witness such a terrible thing. It breaks my heart. I don’t know what I would have done in that moment but I think I would try to find out the name of the home and write a letter or something. Good luck. In the meantime, I’ll be praying that one of the other caretakers has the nerve to turn this man in and he will loose his job!
Thanks Miranda, you’re right although I won’t hold my breath for another caretaker to turn him in, they seemed completely unphased by what he was doing /:
Initiative not iniative. Ugh. Sorry.
This breaks my heart! and a few times I have been in a similar (albeit not nearly as bad) situation. And, I’ve always done EXACTLY what you’ve done – look around, see if you have back up, check if someone else is already taking matters into their own hands, freak out paranoid and eventually do nothing and leave angry and feeling like I should have done something. (I blame shows like Criminal Minds for my paranoia!)
Definately ask the food court people, ABSOLUTLEY call anyone that Wendy recommends – this man needs to be reported. He is EVIL and if he will do things like that in public I can only imagine what he puts poor annabelle through in private……
Praying for guidance for you and praying for help for Annabelle and every other resident in that devil’s care!
I agree with Sara, write the paper, maybe call a local troubleshooter in the tv news department? If the story gets exposure, someone may see it and call in to identify the people. I would have whipped out my phone and snapped a picture of that smug face, too! Sometimes, that is a big deterrent. Calling the mall, may get you some info. If they are regulars, you may get an answer in one quick call. (Crossing fingers)
Most of all, don’t beat yourself up about it. Sometimes fear kicks in and stops us from doing what we’d normally do. A woman alone? Why do you think he stared you down. This wasn’t his first rodeo. The big jerk.
Call the mall, that’s a great idea! They werent even eating so I take it that’s a place they go to kill time & get out.
I hate men who try to intimidate women, big jerk is right.
i agree!! call the mall, maybe they even have it video taped on the security cameras! tell them what u witnessed to see if theyll help you out!
Sound like a bad experience.. even worse for the poor woman 🙁
Your absolutely right, what could u have done being by yourself. here in D.R i would never attempt to stand up to a man like that.. ppl r crazy here.. they’ll easily pull a gun on you.. which has happened just driving.
you didn’t do anything at the point, you cant change that! BUT, you ARE trying to do something now and thats better than the other ppl who were around, heck even the ppl who work with that jerk!
Please, please pursue this further! This man is probably doing horrible things to Annabelle and others behind closed doors. I shudder to think what this poor woman may have suffered at his hands.
So I am the crazy person who tries to stand up and say things and my husband is constantly yelling at me because he says I am going to get shot. So far I have been lucky, but most of my altercations have been with women. I definitely understand your fear though especially since you were alone. I would have done something maybe similar to what Kristal mentioned or I would have followed him out and see if the vehicle had a name on it or something, but it is so hard to think of these things when you are in the moment because you are so fired up. Hopefully, the other commenter can help you find out who this person was. Maybe try and go back again around the same time and see if they are there again. I work at a university and a group of people and their caregivers frequent us for lunch and they usually keep the same schedule so maybe try going next week the same day and time.
So I am the crazy person who tries to stand up and say things and my husband is constantly yelling at me because he says I am going to get shot. So far I have been lucky, but most of my altercations have been with women. I definitely understand your fear though especially since you were alone. I would have done something maybe similar to what Kristal mentioned or I would have followed him out and see if the vehicle had a name on it or something, but it is so hard to think of these things when you are in the moment because you are so fired up. Hopefully, the other commenter can help you find out who this person was. Maybe try and go back again around the same time and see if they are there again. I work at a university and a group of people and their caregivers frequent us for lunch and they usually keep the same schedule so maybe try going next week the same day and time.
So I am the crazy person who tries to stand up and say things and my husband is constantly yelling at me because he says I am going to get shot. So far I have been lucky, but most of my altercations have been with women. I definitely understand your fear though especially since you were alone. I would have done something maybe similar to what Kristal mentioned or I would have followed him out and see if the vehicle had a name on it or something, but it is so hard to think of these things when you are in the moment because you are so fired up. Hopefully, the other commenter can help you find out who this person was. Maybe try and go back again around the same time and see if they are there again. I work at a university and a group of people and their caregivers frequent us for lunch and they usually keep the same schedule so maybe try going next week the same day and time.
Hey Natasha,
I would bank he works for a group home for these people. The group home I worked for before was The Hartwood Foundation. However, they don’t service MD. I would contact group homes listed in the area. I would bet anything they work for ARC. Either way. I would contact the mall, and the paper. I would also call ARC and see if they could assist in finding out. Esp since you heard the name of a client. I hope this helps!
They will be fired if you are able to get in touch with whoever did this. I know the procedures at the place I worked and you don’t EVER mess with the client like that. EVER.
http://www.thearcmd.org/
What does ARC stand for??
Association for Retarded Citizens of the United States
They are named The Arc of the United States, but that is what ARC originally stood for.
http://www.thearc.org/
Oh man that is rough. Don’t beat yourself up for not doing more at the time. You did as much as you could in that moment. I would have worried the same things as you. That man is clearly psycho. If he treats patients like that in public I shudder to think what he does to them in private. You have the power to research and do something about it now and it speaks volumes about your character that you are. Like other people have commented, I’d check with the mall food court, mall security & social services.
I think your reaction was fair since you were by yourself. Now that you want to take action, how about leaning on the public presence you already have in your life? Can’t the hubs bring it up on the radio (I don’t live in MD so I don’t know if he has already) and get others to see if they can spot the guy? And I agree with the other posts. These are regular outings they take, so the food court or someone in the mall must know who the people are. Good luck and keep us posted!
Oh Natasha, this man’s actions just infuriate me! I think I’d start with the mall office and ask if there are any regularly scheduled visits from homes. They may know the comings and goings of such groups or contact the mall security office to see if they have any information.
I’m the type that would go back again this coming Monday and scout it out around the same time. Maybe even talk to the food court vendors. Every living being has the right to be treated with respect. I shudder to think how not just Annabelle, but the other patients are treated when not in public. It’s shameful and both caregivers should be called out. The man for treating the patient the way she was treated and the woman for not intervening. I most certainly would have been extremely upset at the sight of this as well.
If you can find out anything, I would certainly get in touch with the proper people who handle such things.
As a Mom of a Developmentally Delayed Child who is 23 Years old, I would of wanted to hand his A** to him but because of the times we live in you can’t just walk up and get “real” with just anyone. The fact that you let him know “without even having to use words” was enough in this situation. This man-bully will get his in the end.. God is watching and all you have to do now is hand this over to him.
That means so much coming from you Lisa, I kept thinking about who ‘Annabelle’s’ parents might be & how heartbroken they would be if they could see this, I think that thought probably made me feel the most guilty for not doing more at the time…
Honey, you did what you had to do at the time. Might as well memorize it, you will be repeating it to your adult daughters for decades.
When the third person come up, did it happen anymore? Did he seem cowed? If you can find out where they came from, call adult protective services; it’s usually at the county or state level, and put in a confidential complaint. You don’t know what else he is making her do when in a more private setting. Down Syndrome people typically are the sweetest people around. It really steams me that he obviously has done it numerous times before.
But don’t beat yourself up. Many would not have looked up; more would not have attempted eye contact. You’re a ballsy little thing, you are!
Thanks Gamma Sherri! (:
How has this influenced your feelings for action in the future? If you see unjustice/inhumane treatment again, in a different setting, will you be quicker to intervene?
I think so…
I’m usually pretty comfortable (probably a little too much!) with being confrontational & I still can’t quite figure out why this caught me so off guard. I do know though that I hated the feeling in my gut when I walked away so I think that will help me get past fears next time.
It’s a good thing you didn’t because it was a dangerous situation, and would be again. Do not do anything that makes him notice you. Even if you had videotaped it, these evil people tend to be hyper alert to anything that can cause them to be caught. YOU DO NOT WANT TO BE IDENTIFIED. If anything, just record the voice discussion, don’t point anything his way. If he is crazy enough to make her do these things in front of others, he is crazy enough to hunt you down. You have two little ones at home, do everything you can to stay behind the curtain on this, yet still act.
I’m looking forward to your future post and what happened. I applaud you for letting him know you saw what he was doing and didn’t approve, but remember, this guy — at best — is a sociopath. Work outside the cage for best results! 🙂
Oh, Nat… that is so terrible. I applaud you for wanting to do something and for reaching out for help and ideas. My heart breaks reading this and I don’t think I would have handled the situation any differently. You were alone and you do have to think about your welfare and safety. It is sick and sad to think that people like that can even get employment with agencies servicing the disabled. I hope you’re able to get some resolution, but the fact that you took notice speaks to your kind heart.
I am so sorry 1)you had to see this and 2)the other caretaker didn’t take an active role in protecting her clients. I have a disability and if I had been with you or there – my first instinct would have been to say something – but like you said, what if you did say something and he turned on you? You have a beautiful heart and I wish there was a name on a van or something that you could call. Honestly, even if you had said something to him – it wouldn’t have made a difference. He is a hateful man who is just there for a paycheck. Please don’t beat yourself up for not speaking up. There will come a day when you do say something and your words will strike a note in that person. Let us know if you ever find out where he works, I bet a bunch of your fans would love to go with you and let that little POS know what a small piss-ant of a man we all think he is.
Thank you Stephanie for your sweet (and funny!) comment, it made me feel better (: I will absolutely keep everyone posted on what happens!
Grrrrrrr, I would have tried to do something. I would have attempted to approach Annabelle to see if she was okay and to ask if she enjoyed dancing and jumping. Depending on her answer I may have had to ask for their information or I would have tried to look for a name tag or company patch on their shirt. I think with it being at a mall I wouldn’t have felt intimidated to approach them because there are cameras and witnesses, plus there were other caretakers there. Hell, I may not have been allowed to even talk to Annabelle per their policies. I am a stranger, after all. lol
Anyway, I would contact the mall for sure but I wouldn’t jump to making it a news story just yet. Many years ago I had the opportunity to work with children at Tanglewood in PG County, numerous disabilities, and they don’t always know how to show expressions and there so many things that could have been affecting Annabelle at the time. I’m not defending that man’s actions at all but we don’t know the whole story. It’s possible that Annabelle was having a bad day and she might like to dance and jump around on a normal day, he may have been trying to get her in a better mood by asking her to do things she identified as fun; maybe she just wasn’t feeling it at the time.
I don’t know, I wasn’t there. I wish I was able to see Annabelle’s facial expressions and body language but either way, my heart hurt reading this and I guess I am just hoping he wasn’t being a total douchebag for asking her to do those things.
Good Luck, please keep us updated.
unfortunately, i would have probably done the same thing. i would have thought – I HAVE to do something and then when it came time to do it, i would have thought about him cutting me up in pieces after he followed me to my car. i’m just like that.
they probably go there on a regular basis – probably at the same time each week. see if you can go back same time next monday and video tape him! or see if you can start talking to annabelle and see where she is from. from witnessing his behavior today, he probably won’t care if a perfect stranger is speaking to someone under his care.
these types of situations make my blood boil. i hope he gets reported!!!!!
As the parent of a child with Down Syndrome, I would have confronted him. My son, and by default family, is on the receiving end of all those who stare. We can choose to ignore, educate, or confront. It is not wrong to confront someone when their behavior makes you uncomfortable.
This is AWFUL. Let’s just hope his “true colors” come through eventually and his supervisors see him for who he is.
I put this on FB too, but herer it goes again:
Natasha, I am appalled by these people!!! My very best friends are Social Workers and mental health professionals and I myself worked in a Mental health agency which tried to provide help to the less advantaged people so this made me really mad. So….. I did some investigating. There’s a mental health facility nearby that offers day services and supported employment with people with mental disabilities and Down Syndrome.
Worth a shot….
http://thearcmontgomerycounty.org/program-services/respite.html
Also, next time call 911 and ask for the Adult Protective Services of Montgomery County… They will defend them as they will with kids! Good luck!
As the mom of a little girl with Down syndrome, this story is one that makes me so SAD. I was literally in tears reading it… Thanks for sharing and not just ignoring things like that!
I have seen groups like that at Target, the mall, etc, and I have talked to the leaders, asking for info, because I want to know what kind of things are out there for my little girl once she gets older. So like one commenter suggested, that would’ve been a way to get their name. But hindsight is 20/20, right?!
You could search online for places in your area that offer services like that, I know in my area there is a company “Community Partnerships” that offers services like you described.
I would search for “day habilitation bethesda” to find companies that he could have worked for. Not sure where you’d go from there, maybe they’d helpful if you explained the situation.
Anyway, thanks again for not ignoring this!
This breaks my heart. Can you go back same time, same place next week? Video and see what you can find out? Follow them out to their van. Whatever it takes.
Just another thought to add that it may not be a group home at all. I’m in another state, but around here I would have guessed it were just one-on-one workers hanging out together killing time or the place the individuals go daily to work. They have fairly regular outings. I would be more suprised if it were where they work or a group home. My natural thought is a one-in-one worker. Just don’t limit your search to group homes. Also, do what you can, but realize you are a mom & wife and may not have the time to hang out at the mall searching for this sleaze ball. Don’t beat yourself up if you do all you can and come up empty. If he was that openly rude once, he’ll do it again. He’ll get what’s coming to him.
I have been in situations where I witnessed something that made me uncomfortable and I just froze. Sometimes it was because I was too afraid of the bully, or I was simply waiting for someone else to speak up. I was younger then but I really hope that now I will speak up during any circumstance where I witness injustice to any of the following:
1. Children
2. Animals
3. Adults who are unable to think for themselves for any reason; Mentally ill, intoxicated, whatever the case may be
You are definitely doing the right thing by trying to follow up with the situation. Calling the mall, the food court are great places to start. I wish you luck!
My first comment was eaten. You must do something. If it was me alone, I would have gotten in trouble. I’m always prepared to go to blows for what I believe in, with kids and future foster mother, I have to be more careful. In the future, ask one of the coworkers about where they work. Since you can’t go back, I’d contact your local chapter of social services, the adult section. They should have a list of group homes and assisted living facilities. Tell them about your concerns. What you saw was degradation and humiliation of a person’s spirit. Not okay, ever. You may be the only one willing to speak up.
Its completely possible that your complaint and concern will do nothing, but be a lifeless piece of paper. What if, there are previous undertones and thoughts but no proof? Bringing your truth to light could be exactly what Annabelle needs.
Truly terrible what that man did! I echo others’ statements by saying don’t beat yourself up about this! I think you did the best you could have done at the time. I honestly would have been in your same position, wanting to do something, but having no idea what that something was. I’m grateful to the other commenters for offering some really great ideas in case I run into a situation like this such as taking a video, being a detective and asking where they are from, etc. I’m also grateful that you have commenters with experience in the field that could share some valuable resources. I do applaud you. I think there are a lot of people out there that would not have looked into this afterward. People think that just them making one action won’t mean anything, but if everyone makes one action, that adds up to something that can affect change. Even if your one action helps one person, that seems worth it to me!
I know someone already mentioned contacting ARC. This was my first thought too. Here is the contact info for their management team. Hope this helps!!
http://thearcmontgomerycounty.org/about-us/management-team.html
You could also try contacting the Down Syndrome Network of Montgomery County.
http://www.dsnmc.org/
One more: Montgomery County adult day care centers
http://www6.montgomerycountymd.gov/hhstmpl.asp?url=/content/hhs/ads/DisabilityNetworkDirectory/A/adultdaycenters.asp
Hi Natasha! I was so sad to read this post! 🙁 I don’t know what I would have done if I were in you shoes…I want to think that I would approach the man and tell him to stop, but I know that’s easier said than done. I think you should try reporting the incident. Chances are the county is familiar with local daycare programs for adults with disabilities and they probably have itineraries on record? It wouldn’t hurt to try?
Here’s a link to the county: http://www6.montgomerycountymd.gov/hhstmpl.asp?url=/content/hhs/ads/DisabilityServices/abuse.asp
Good luck. And please let us know who it all worked out.
I used to work with developmentally disabled adults in that area… and it wouldn’t surprise me if i knew the people you were looking at.
try some of these
CSAAC (their employees are idiots. and i’ve seen them act similarly degrading or uncaring) http://csaac.org/
SEEC seeconline.org
JFGH jfgh.org
CHI chicenters.org
Affiliated Sante Group thesantegroup.org
Rock Creek Foundation rockcreek.org
I worked for PCR, which is just a recreation program for disabled adults but a lot of group homes/day care programs go to this program during the day and they are familiar with all of the local programs. They are actually located right near Montgomery Mall… you should contact them to see if they might have an idea of who to contact or who they were. Their number is 301-365-0561.
Good luck!!
Oh wow, thank you so much Jessica!
In southern KY, many of these “caregivers” are barely that. The people that I have met that do these jobs have no background with these types of people, and are not paid very well. They generally do not have a degree in anything and are hired as babysitters. It is pretty sad… When we lived in NW Ohio, we lived across the street from a small group home, and I got the picture that it was a similar situation. If you can, you do need to report it. They maybe fired, if there is any kind of proof found… I guess that at least there would be a complaint filed, just in case this happens again- which I am sure it will.
Sadly, this is and always has been a problem with how care is given to the mentally challenged. There are a great many people that do wonderful work, take it seriously, and love these people. Then, there are people who take advantage of them ( in many horrible ways,) and don’t give a crap, that are just there for a paycheck.
It sounds like you have received a lot of really great advice from people in the field. I hope that everything turns out for the best, and if not, then now you have a bunch of contacts for any possible “next time.”
I know of an adult program right down the road from there. They have pictures you could look at on Facebook and see if you recognize anyone.
Oh really? What is the name? I’ll look up their FB…
Try these links… https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.10151509253809491.1073741825.101618584490&type=3 … and… https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.10150685240814491.415233.101618584490&type=3. Good Luck.
oh! if you call.. don’t just tell the receptionist who answers the phone. ask to talk to some manager or director. the receptionist probably won’t be any help.
I live in the area and was actually at the mall on Monday taking my kiddos to see the Easter Bunny. I saw the group of people you are talking about (sitting at the tables right by the pizza place/Subway, right?) as one of the guys said “hi” to my son as we walked by. As a teacher (currently on maternity leave) at a school that has a program for children with special needs, we work to help the general ed students accept and welcome the students with special needs, as members of our school community. Its sad that children can be so accepting of others, yet there are adults out there (unfortunately adults who have been entrusted by families to care for their family members) who are not. Completely unacceptable! I’m sorry you had to witness this, and even more sorry that Annabelle had to go through this.
What a small world Kate! Yes, that is exactly where they were sitting!
I would have done just what you did and I would be beating myself up about it, too. You are actually doing more now than if you had confronted the cruel bully — now so many people are thinking about this and becoming more aware of these situations….. There is a reason for what happened and how it’s working out… Thank goodness your big heart was the witness.
Could P maybe mention it on the show in the morning next Monday AM and see if any of the listeners work in the food-court at that mall and have tips on who the group is and if they have ever seen it before. This guy sounds like a total tool and having P call him out on the air for being so cruel would probably make him super embarrassed and ashamed of his actions. Plus if any of the listeners work in the mall and know who he is they can help you officially report him. Just an idea 🙂
I’m from Alaska..so our malls are somewhat smaller than others..but have you thought about going to the mall security and seeing if they have any video footage? Perhaps they would be able to scan the parking lot and see if they went to a van that was clearly marked with what agency or home this man works for. But, like I said I don’t know about the size of that mall…but maybe it could help by giving them an approximate time. Also, did they have any shopping bags? Maybe talking to the stores they may of been shopping at that day to gather any info on them. So sad. I almost cried reading that. 🙁 I would have probably done the same thing in that situation though 🙁
Please update us and let us know if you find out any more information when you contact ARC. What a horrible story. It’s horrible to hear of someone being victimized but when they are so vulnerable it’s heartbreaking. That guy is truly disturbed and should not be working with the disabled. His reaction goes right along with a sociopathic personality to stare you back down in defiance. My reaction to those kinds of helpless situations are to try to advocate for all people in that situation. If you aren’t able to help Annabelle (what an adorable name, I wish I could hug her now!) you could try to advocate for others in her situation and donate time or money to the cause of persons with disabilities advocacy. By the way, the other girl working very well may have reported him or will report him eventually since she didn’t laugh or go along with it. Imagine how intimidating he is to her as well.
call the local t.v. station. they might be interested in seeing if there is video on the security cameras. it would certainly be a local human interest story and they may be interested in investigating it. it is abuse of the disabled and certainly illegal.
I agree with Kristal my first thought was to go over there and try to find more information. But you cant keep replaying this event over in your mind and doing the “what-if’s” because you will drive yourself crazy! Trust me I do it waaayyyy more than I want too.
try returning to the mall around the same time and see if they are there again, they be there today they may be there Monday.
Then you can go up and use that suggestion of having a family member that you are looking for care. maybe if you see what type of vehicle they get out of the can may have the homes information advertised on the side.
Whatever you do decide please let us know how it goes.
I was so sad reading this Natasha. They say hindsight is 20/20. I don’t know what I would’ve done in that moment. I probably would’ve been just as shocked as you were……I can say I would’ve gotten it on video or walked up and asked. But in that moment, your brain is boggled because you’re not sure you’d just seen what you saw. For right now, what I would do is to create awareness about it like you’re doing right now…….maybe someone knows someone who knows someone who knows what group home had a mall outing that day. I will be happy to post this on my blog as well. Please let us know how it goes.
This incident was brought to our attention on March 22 and we immediately launched an investigation. Based on the descriptions provided, our staffing patterns and our programming, we are confident these individuals are not staff employed by The Arc Montgomery County nor individuals we support. All of our employees are identified by an orange lanyard or nametag, and we encourage the public to let us know if they witness such an incident. This behavior is completely unacceptable and will not be tolerated. We take pride in our 55-year history of providing support services to individuals with intellectual and developmental disabilities throughout Montgomery County. Also, we appreciate the clarification of our name (“ARC” has not been used for over 20 years), and we do not provide mental health services. –Deborah Mark, Director of Communications & Outreach, The Arc Montgomery County
Thank you so much for your quick response Deborah! I’ll be emailing you momentarily…
Natasha,
Obviously, with the amount of comments this post has generated you have struck a cord with all of us who read your blog. At first, I thought the man was also mentally handicapped but once I realized he was one of the caretakers I became furious. I understand your worry of him trying to follow you out to your car because people these days can be sick and obviously this man was very sick minded. I would like to think if I was in your situation I would have stood up, demanded to know where they worked and told them how disgusting the behavior is; however as you said there may have been no response by coming at it that way. I think maybe the best way to approach would have been to go up to them and say you have been interested in volunteering and ask where they worked so they did not expect anything, then contact and make your complaint.
At this point it is going to be next to impossible to figure out where they came from. Alot of these homes are private and held out of a residence with just a couple of people living and working there. So, I would say don’t beat yourself up over it. You are a good person. You noticed what was going on and how wrong it was while others chose to ignore it and if there is a ever a similar situation next time you will be better equiped with what to do.
Loyal reader
-Kayla
Thank you so much for your comment Kayla, you have no idea how much it means to hear others say they might have done the same…it’s so hard to know what to do when you’re in that moment, you know?
That just makes me sick to my stomach. But don’t beat yourself up over it. There really isn’t much you could have done. However, you could call around to the homes in the area and inquire as to whether or not any of their residents were at the mall on that morning. ??? Good luck. 🙁
Well, commented yesterday but had to tell hubby about it last nite cuz I was so sad about it :(. He mentioned if you needed proof that the mall may have video. Just thought I would add that. Praying for you and Annabelle 😉
Keep us posted!
I’m sorry it made you so sad ): But hub’s idea is a good one!
What an awful scenario! I probably would have stealthily found out where they were from by striking up a conversation about something random like the color of their shoes, and then trying to dig for more information so that I could report them. I also would have probably gone to mall security to report the matter. Especially if he was staring you down and was intimidating.
I don’t know where you stand on gun laws/rights/and all that political stuff right now. But I will say that I have my concealed carry permit and a concealed carry purse with a loaded gun in it. (The purse has a lock so my children are safe and I practice shooting so I am skilled enough to know what to do in a dire emergency situation)…. All that to say, I have never had to use it but I have also never once regretted having it. Seattle can be super sketch and I like having that extra method of protection for myself and my children. It is sad that it has come to this for our nation!
Natasha,
I think we might live in the same area if I am correct. If so, I have seen that group frequent the mall a number of time. I guess they sit in the back by the chess tables?? I can’t say that I have witnessed anything like that, but I’ll be sure that next time I see that group I’ll pay extra close attention. I might even casually converse and get some info if I can. Hell, if I witness anything like what you have described I’ll be sure they’re aware that they’r on camera and it won’t be “Candid Camera”.
Couldn’t you have said something? Or if you were not comfortable saying something to the staff, couldn’t you have asked him where he worked and who his supervisor was and the contact information. Really, if you saw something like that happening to a child at school or anywhere else, wouldn’t you speak up? I’m kind of surprised that you have expressed all this outrage but couldn’t muster a response at the moment it happened.
Speak out against injustice-don’t look the other way and then comment later about it. Just my opinion. And yes-I have done it myself and would do it again.
This story just broke my heart. My cousin’s 4-year-old has Down’s, and she is the sweetest, most affectionate little girl. It makes me sick to think of someone treating her like she’s less than human because of something she can’t control, just like this woman you encountered. I don’t know for sure what I would have done, but the first thought I had was appealing to one of the co-workers for information about the facility. It doesn’t sound like they’re that stand-up of people either, though, if they condone that A-hole’s behavior. Regardless, I hope you have luck in tracking them down, and I hope that poor woman gets some kindness from her other caretakers.
I, like you, think* I would not be able to stop myself from stepping in. But how? You never know for sure how you will react in those situations until you are actually in one. They happen so fast and we are in such shock that it can be hard to even think clearly.
I saw someone else recommend videotaping, you missed your chance this time but there is a good possibility they frequent the mall. Maybe go back at the same time on a different day and see if you can catch them again?
The worst part about the whole thing is that if this is how he treats these people out in public just imagine what could be happening behind closed doors. 🙁
I know, that thought makes me so sad too ):
The mall probably has camera’s in the food court that recorded the entire episode. I would report it to the mall security and fast before they delete the recordings. In the future if you see something like this you can get the mall security and they can observe it and report it and confront them so you are not alone. It is not safe for a women alone to confront some one like that. If you are somewhere else and there is no security there you can call the police and they will send someone to check it out.
Okay so I know I’m late to the party but it’s been bugging me all week that this jerk could do this and to be honest I think every one of us would “know what to do” but when faced IN the situation you almost go into shock mode and freeze. I’m not sure why I’ve been thinking about this so much lately but for some reason today I realized that HAD you approached this sick man and yelled/confronted/asked for his name it may only have further angered him , making him take it out on those poor victims in private later. I mean, if he can treat them like that in public who knows what happens in private and being rude may have made it worse. My only hope is that someone on here goes to that mall often and may have an idea of who it is (or will keep a lookout from now on). I thought I would share this with you in case you were still feeling guilty…
Damn Natasha that’s awful. I have a son with Down syndrome, and as a mom I would want to know if someone witnessed something like this happening to my kid. Have you had any luck?
For what it’s worth, I probably would have been a little afraid to confront the guy also. And I’m a total loudmouth. But if this is someone who is going to act like that in public, who knows what they are capable of?!
You have a heart of gold.
Please be sure to do a follow-up on this story. I’m really interested to hear if you were able to identify this person. Breaks my heart, I feel like this could have been one of my children this was happening to. Good Luck and I pray for a happy ending.
Was there a follow up to this post? Did I somehow miss it?
Hey Natasha, did you ever find out what happened with that awful care worker? I feel for you, it was a tough situation to be in and people like that can be unpredictable, I hope he gets whats comin’ to him!!!!!