I had a dream last night…true story.
It was one of those where it’s so troubling & seems so incredibly real that you wake up in a panic, sit straight up in bed & have to look around the room to finally breathe a little easier that it was just a dream.
In my dream P, Sam, Sophie & myself had traveled to a foreign country that we quickly realized we were not supposed to be in. We were taken prisoner & were forced to live in a refugee type camp with other condemned travelers. (weird I know, maybe it was the scallops I had for dinner, just stick with me…) We went through our days with this awful gut feeling that our family was in terrible danger, somehow we just knew if we stayed there & waited for help our children could be taken away from us. So we started searching for a way to escape. We found an underground group of civilians of this war torn country who were risking their lives to help families like ours cross a nearby river which marked the border of the country. The night came for our escape & while the details are a bit fuzzy I remember having horrible anxiety while walking down every dark hallway or hiding in the shadows while soldiers paroled nearby that this could be it, I could lose everything. We had decided I would carry Sophie in a sling (she was a bit younger in my dream than she is now) & P would take Sam. We tried staying close together but both agreed that no matter what just get the child you were holding across. Even if meant splitting up.
There were many close calls but we, along with around a dozen other people trying to escape, had finally reached the river & the most dangerous part. The people helping us spoke a foreign language & there was so much confusion. Also unnerving was we learned that an integral part of a successful escape involved certain guards & government workers who were paid off to turn their heads & let us pass various checkpoints. This was the most terrifying part of my dream & I remember it crystal clear. At one point we had to slowly move past a man who was ‘letting us through’ & when it was my turn I locked eyes with him. Just typing this I can remember such a strong feeling of hate in his eyes, I cradled Sophie next to my chest & watched his dead eyes follow me. There was an overwhelming feeling of fear that I don’t think I’ll ever forget. It’s so crazy that a completely false dream can leave you with such very real emotions. We all finally got to the river & had to wait for someone to call us when it was safe to try & swim across. It was painfully slow, only one or two at a time could go & the rest of us knew that the longer we stayed there, on the wrong side of freedom, the more we were at risk. Throughout the shuffle we had somehow ended up a few people ahead of P & Sam, I was looking back at them when a blonde American looking woman who was dressed as a doctor ran to all of us & yelled, “I can take one!” My instinct to jump at the chance for survival kicked in & I raised my hand & said, “She & I count as one, she’s just a baby, please take us!” The woman nodded & quickly ushered Sophie & I down a different path than I had seen the others go. I caught one quick glance of P & Sam but we were moving so fast that I couldn’t even make eye contact with them to say goodbye. This is when I started to cry in my sleep, the thought of not kissing them goodbye. The sadness was quickly replaced by panic when I realized that this woman was not with our group. She was not there to help us but worked for the country’s government. They had discovered our plan & sent her to try & deter as many of us as possible. When I realized that I had chosen wrong & had led Sophie & I into certain misery a wave of regret rushed over me that was so powerful, I finally woke up. I sat up & after a few deep breaths turned my head to see a peacefully sleeping Sam & P in the bed with me. Our little family wasn’t torn apart, we weren’t in danger, we were all completely tucked in & safe, all piled in one bed, getting ready to start a new day together.
I laid back down but turned on my side so I could just stare at their two little peaceful profiles. I thought about what a bizarre & terrible dream that was. I believe that dreams usually come from an underlying fear or emotion that your subconscious is grappling with, or bad seafood, so what could it mean for me? I’m really not sure. I knew I wouldn’t be able to fall back asleep unless I thought about something reassuring, then it hit me. It’s New Years Day. It’s a chance for a fresh start, for resolutions that we hope will lead us to a better life, maybe this awful dream could actually be the inspiration for an important lesson.
Doing the TV segment last week breathed new life into my drive for making this blog, & therefore my passions, into a real career. When I first thought about ways of resolve for the new year seizing the TV opportunity & a few others that have come up as a result of it, seemed like a good plan…until now.
Perhaps what would make me the happiest would be to focus on how I can improve the lives of those who are truly the most valuable to me. Those horrible feelings of fear, panic, & loss that overwhelmed me during that dream were because my family is the most important thing to me & for what felt like a very real moment I thought I was going to lose them.
So what’s the point of all this? To creep you out with a crazy dream that probably should have stayed in my own little puzzling head? Partially. Moreso to say this…
On this New Year’s Day when you’re making resolutions to eat better, work out or stay organized perhaps instead think about resolving to better improve what you love but might take for granted. Basically this, think about what you would be the most devastated to lose. I think it’s safe to say that’s probably what is the most important to you. Then think about what is something small you could change in your relationship with that person (I’m assuming it’s a person, if it’s a thing then maybe we should be having a different conversation. No judgement!) that would make them happier. For example, my children would love if I read to them at night & my husband would adore to get more kisses & hugs every day.
If I’m taking care of what’s most important to me than I’m also taking care of what makes me the happiest. If you’re being fulfilled by that then I believe that the other common resolutions will fall into place. One good decision will lead to another. (and yes, I did steal that line from a cereal commercial. What?)
So those are my New Year’s Day two cents, this whole post was mish-moshed together at 2am so there very well may be some flaws in my logic, even if you don’t agree with everything I say I hope you leave here today with a little nugget that will make your life happier.
Amanda
I LOVE this post. One of my resolutions is to stop letting people that matter so little take up time that I should be using to focus on the people that matter the most in my life. I get so upset with things sometimes and will complain to my husband about something someone did to me when I could just accept that some people suck and use that time to love my husband. I’ve loved seeing you post things more often, but I admire you more for seeing what’s really important. If you post less so you can love your family, then good for you!! Wishing you all the best in 2014! đ
p.s. I have the CRAZIEST dreams all the time. My husband gets so freaked out because I’ll talk, cry, scream, sit up, and act like I’m eating while I’m asleep. Reading your dream was much more logical than any dream I’ve ever had! It sounded like the plot to a movie. đ
Natasha
Aww thanks so so much Amanda! And I love what you said, “One of my resolutions is to stop letting people that matter so little take up time that I should be using to focus on the people that matter the most in my life.” That is SO TRUE!
Also kudos on acting like you’re eating in your sleep! That’s pretty darn funny!
Dawn
I love your post. I made my resolution this year to enjoy the “little moments” and to teach my kids the same thing. They are inundated with so many things nowadays that it is easy to look over the days we make cookies or the reading a silly story moments.
AwesomelyOZ
I’m a pretty paranoid person myself so when I’m super exhausted is when I have dreams like this. I didn’t make any resolutions I’ve just been grateful for the time with my partner we’ve been able to have lately. My thought to myself was only to be sweeter to him and not take out any frustrations on him unnecessarily so. Also, to better communicate with him – which is a work in progress. You’re right though resolutions we tend to focus inward when we should focus outward. Glad that was just a dream and just an ugly metaphorical one – I have dreams like that and yes it takes time to fall back asleep. Hoping for better dreams and happy 2014 Natasha! -Iva
Jenn
That’s a really scary dream but love the positive spin you put on it and it’s a great way to look at things. Thank you for sharing Happy New Year to you and the family.. you guys are awesome!!!
Rachael
Wow! I have dreams like this all the time! I usually think it’s due to watching too many apocalyptic films (usually with Zombies). I regularly wake my husband up crying in my sleep. Getting split up is the worst thing ever. I think about it all the time. Speilburg’s American Tail brought that worry to me at a young age!
I used to love apocalyptic/disaster films before having my children but now I find them so difficult to watch. I am always thinking about how I would carry them both if my husband isn’t there (he’s a police officer so would probably kept from us at some futile check point or something if Zombies wandered in). To be honest the overwhelming worry of how to look after them both in these very unlikely situations has made me draw a line at having two children. I have only two hands! Ridiculous that I’d let something like that factor so largely in our decision to extend our family but it really does.
We also have a much larger car than we need so that I can collect my mum (on her own since my dad passed away 15 years ago) and fit all of us in with the dog if the s*ÂŁt hit the fan!
:p
I think I’ve always been like this though as I used to have a bag packed next to my bed when I was a child “in case I was stolen” – I blame Disney’s ‘The Rescuers’ for that childhood worry! It contained all my precious childhood trinkets! – useful eh? đ
I love the message of this post and I am definitely going to spend more time making the people I love happy, less time worrying about those that I can’t or shouldn’t have to worry about and forgiving myself when my best doesn’t quite live up to my own expectations.
Happy New Year and hope you don’t have too many more of these freaky dreams any time soon.
xxxx
Natasha
Oh man Rachael, I’m glad I’m not the only one who has such crazy thoughts! We may not be normal but at least we’re not alone! (;
Merari
I don’t always get the chance to read your posts but every time I visit your blog you happen to post something that I really needed. It’s always perfect timing! As much as I love your crafting posts I have to say my favorites are the ones that are personal and deep like this one. I’ve been dealing with a lot of emotions because I broke up with my boyfriend of 3 years a couple of months ago but what this post helped me realize is that instead of worrying and thinking about someone I have to let go of I should focus on people that mean the WORLD to me like my parents, siblings, and close friends. Thank you so much for sharing this post with us.
Natasha
Aw Merari, I’m so sorry you’re going through a tough time, breakups really are the worst. Thankyou for the sweet words, I’m really glad it helped. Day by day my friend, day by day. (:
Melissa
I recently had a dream that my coworker was my running coach (I don’t run) and she used a headset to cheer me on and tell me I can do it! I was running like the wind!! She also told me in 1994 she investigated a homicide up in a tree (as she pointed to a tree on my street). There really is a tree in the same spot as the dream, but there was no homicides associated with said tree in real life.
I strangely love weird dreams and all the better if you can remember the details!
Thanks for your posts! You always make me realize that we are all kind of in this together & doing our best. I have two little ones and my husband and I work full time and it’s so hard sometimes. But they are truly the most important part of my life. Sometimes we all get too caught up to remember that most basic and important things. I also end up with a little 2 year old in my bed most nights and I have to say I don’t mind it that much. One day I will look back and treasure that time.
Happy New Year!!
Natasha
Oh I funny Melissa! I love that you were owning that fake run!!
We are in this together girlie, we are strong, loving, amazing women and we can TOTALLY do this! (:
Jacquie
Thanks you for sharing all of your talent on here. But most of all thank you for sharing YOU! I can so relate to you and your health problems. I’ve gone through various tests, specialists, meds and sleepless nights only to get same answers and nothing concrete. But what you said on your previous posts about FAITH, TRUST and HOPE is so very true. All of those words a fragile, yet they all seem to go hand in hand in this journey we call life. When things get tough and I hit my lowest point I think about what’s important to me- my little family. I’m a single mother of 2, one of my kids is special needs. We only have one another and your dream is similar to one I had before. But maybe with the same meaning- family and what they mean to us. You are so talented, such an amazing mother and wife (I listen to Kane every morning and the way he expresses himself about you is what has made me come to that inclusion- you’re overall an amazing woman) and you do anything and everything in your power to protect your girls and husband- your family. Subconsciously you’re doing everything that you’re doing because you want to improve the lives of the ones you care the most about. Wish you all the best this 2014 and I pray that God gives you the strength, wisdom and patience that is much needed when we’re going through things hoping that “this one next appointment or this one last test will give me the answer I need to know why I’m in pain and what’s causing all this health problems.” I pray that He gives your doctors wisdom and that they give you the answers that you need- but most of all I pray that He heals you. Many blessings to you, the girls, Kane- blessings to your lovely family.
Deana
Natasha,
That dream was a direct attack from the enemy. It’s not your fault (or your subconscious’) try praying the armor of God (from Ephesians) over you and your family before bed. You do not have to take that kind of assault. Quite often dreams like this come when you have made a direct decision to follow God’s path. The enemy does this to try and distract you from what God wants. Hope this helps and I am so sorry you had this dream! God bless you sweetie!