*sigh* Right about now I’m guessing my girls are waiting in line for a ride on Aladdin’s magic carpet…for the 7th time in a row.
We agreed P would have Spring Break this year so he took the little princesses to their mother ship, Disney.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m extremely grateful that not only can Sam & Soph spend their Spring Break at their favorite place on Earth but they have a Dad who wanted & could take them there. I would have loved that when I was their age, it’s a good thing. I just miss them. A lot.
I knew this trip was coming so I had plenty of time to prepare myself. I thought about going to Florida & visiting my family, but the thought of being only 45 minutes away from my girls, and I can’t be there with them, I thought it would be too hard.
One bright spot of being in your 30’s, at least for me, is I’m getting to know myself better. I’m starting to be honest with myself about who I am & what my weaknesses are. When life gets tough I know I have tendency to hideout in my shell. Being by yourself or staying home an entire day, or even days, can be a good thing. Sometimes it’s ok to not want to talk to anyone, to just be quiet with yourself, but it can also be dangerous. Well, that might be a bit dramatic although I suppose anything in excess can be “dangerous”. Regardless I’m forcing myself to make this week count & to not let it be 7 days which I just have to get through.
The girls got a little weepy before they left & I sensed that they might even be a little worried about how hard a week apart might be on their mom. I certainly want them to enjoy this time, it’d be bad parenting to say the least if I fed into that worry & allowed an unspoken guilt trip to take away from their vacation. So instead I assured them that I was going to be super busy & it was going to be a good week for me as well. I also rattled off a few chores like “carpet shampooing” & “cleaning out the refrigerator” so they wouldn’t feel like they were missing out on anything. Of course the truth is a week apart is hard on me, what parent wouldn’t feel that way? So this week I am going to make myself do those boring grownup responsibilities like cleaning out the girls’ closets & yes, I am actually going to shampoo the carpets, (Wow, lol, I just realized how incredibly sad that sounds!) but I also thought it would be a good idea to spend some time doing a little mental house cleaning. That includes not only reflecting on this past year (I actually don’t want to do any more of that) but also seriously thinking about what I want the upcoming year to look like. What the heck am I going to do with my life now? I was really happy being a SAHM & if this divorce had never happened I would have thought I was pretty confidant of what the future might look like. I had thought about maybe having another baby, & with Sophie starting school it could have been a good time for that. I’m 35 with no real career to fall back on & two children. Wow. That was a scary thing to say out loud! I immediately had a reflex to delete that statement but then I thought, “you can’t delete that, because no matter how brutal it sounds to you, it’s the truth.” Thirty five is still the age they start considering you a high risk pregnancy right? This May I’ll be passing right on by the marker of my fertility expiration date & since I have ZERO intention on getting into a serious relationship anytime in the near future, my eggs are moving from the refrigerator to the freezer. Ugh.
I do have faith & hope that in hindsight one day I’ll understand why life took this path or at the least it will make a little sense. For today however the road ahead seems covered with fog & the only thing I can do is be willing to let God lead me in the right direction.
There is one thing I know I won’t be doing this week or anytime soon, & that’s sharing anything negative about P.
A few of you commented on social media that my last post wasn’t just telling you about an awful ordeal I had been through but that it was sad to see me ‘hit back’ with the man who isn’t just my ex, he’s my girls’ father. And you’re 100% right. Sometimes I forget how public the internet is, as stupid as that sounds. Dragging P through the mud isn’t just inappropriate because he’s their dad, it’s dragging me down as a person as well. It’s not who I want to be. Not who I want my daughters to see me as, and not how I want to be an example. Like it or not, the way we have and are handling our divorce is an example to others & while I want to be transparent, (and plan on continuing to be) I also want to be a good example. To you and to them.
SO. Where does that leave us? Well, it leads me with a list of Monday’s ‘to-do’s’ & I’m only half way through. Although I can now cross off posting this. (;
I’m curious on the original post you were going to post. The one you were going to post two weeks ago about how much has happened in the past few weeks?
Welllll,that’s hard to answer. I can say that with all the very public drama the last few weeks I just didn’t know what or how much to say. It’s been scrapped with this post instead. It seemed like the right thing to do. Hope you understand…
So happy to hear you’re in a positive mindset. Just remember although this blog is public, it is for you. Do what you want. Someone is always going to be unhappy. If one day you need to rant and get things off your chest or feel like expressing your disappointment (which is what I took your previous post as) and this is your outlet, who is anyone to tell you not to! You’ve already taken the high road for so long. Your followers already respect you and we can all relate in or way or the other.
Thank you for getting that Tiffany, I have always looked at this blog as a virtual way for me to talk with my “real life” friends, I was being kind of short-sighted though for forgetting that it’s not just people with good intentions like you who come by here. Thank you for saying that though. (:
Wonderful post! For the record, I didn’t think the last post was bashing. Struck me as confused hurt at someone’s behavior. I thought you stated that well. Glad you are recovered! Also, I cleaned closets & shampooed the carpets on Spring Break….being an adult is SO FUN sometimes! Oh! And I put out a new kitchen sponge this morning! Try not to be jealous of my exciting life! LOL
I totally did not see your last post as you hitting back at all. It was more just facts as you saw them and as how he had seen them…
Anywho, I’m also glad you are recovering! I hope to see more posts as you are able! <3
Sending you lots of love and prayers!
You can start and do anything you want. So many of us at this age decide that what we’re doing isn’t working and start over. It’s not easy but just because we’re 35 doesn’t mean we are dead in the water! I’m impressed by the high ground you’ve taken and oven been reading your blog for literally years. decide what is you want most and do it. You totally can, the universe just gave you permission 🙂
Glad to see that you have decided to take the high road. Many didn’t see your previous post as negative, and others have told you that the blog is yours so do and say whatever want. I went through a messy divorce many years ago. My three daughters – all grown now – had to deal with the negative and hurtful venting from their father to anyone who would listen. It only hurt and confused them and eventually caused a rift that still exists today. Just recently they told me that they never heard me do that and appreciated that I was always fair and tried to encourage them to visit their father and let go of the anger. Back then people didn’t blog or FB or Instagram. But they remember his words and how much it hurt them. All social media comments can get back to your girls and that’s just not fair to them. Sounds like you and P had some good years and created two perfect little girls. It’s sad and it hurts when it falls apart but focus on the goods and be thankful. Best of luck to all four of you in the future.
Amazing post so happy to see you blogging again. You are an amazing person and mother to your beautiful daughters.
Thank you Karan (: You’re sweet words put a smile on my face!
Enjoy your new found freedom, everything happens for a reason.. I hope you will find peace it must be very hurtful on you, the way things became so public.I didn’t believe what I heard on the radio … (awful) day .actually made me look at your blog… from that moment on I start cheering for you!
I’m a fan! keep your head up.
Thank you Sheila, you’re right, I absolutely believe it all happens for a reason. Or at least that good can come from it. Thank you for finding LPM, glad you’re here! (:
Natasha, this attitude looks great on you. What a classy post and what a contrast to some of the other things posted over the past couple of weeks by certain people. even though I don’t personally ‘know’ you I’ve followed your blog for years and I’m going to be thinking of you as you figure out what you’re going to do-you have a lot of talents and I’m sure you will find a great direction for yourself. Anyways, rarely comment on things but I think this post is great and I hope to see more like it. Enjoy your week 🙂
Thank you Catherine, I think “classy” is my favorite word I’ve ever been given as a compliment. Thank you for taking the time to comment & for getting through this with me, even if it isn’t technically in “real life” (:
I admire that you decided not to post anything about the Danni fiasco. I was nervous that you would. I know it may have been extremely tempting but bottom line is your girls are your first priority and anything that harms P harms them, too. Good call.
I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t tempted but you’re right, I don’t need to publicly get involved in any more drama. No thank you!
35 years young, you got your whole life to live we all hit a pothole or two in life.
God sends us messages in different ways, he has a bigger plan for you
I like that, “a pothole or two in life”, I’m going to remember that. (:
Hi! I too am alone for spring break. For a lot of reasons I could not get away from work and my husband took the kids to see his mom. Plus the dogs are at camp. It is so weird, lonely and scary being without my family. The house sure is quiet too. I am pretty busy at work and with projects at home that this week I am laying low and have no social plans. I hope this week flies by for you. Big hugs.
Oh no, the dogs are at camp?!? LOL, that made me LITERALLY laugh out loud. I should have sent Sheldon to camp, that dog needs a vacation. Or I need a vacation from him perhaps. (;
I hope this week goes by fast for you, you get everything on your ‘to do’ list done, and your girls are back with fun Disney memories before you know it!
Well I did not see you hitting back. In fact, I did not even understand what you meant at first. Girl all you did was tell your story the way you saw it. Never apologize for being your beautiful you, Natasha! I have not seen you disrespect him in any way and cannot say the same vice versa. You are only 35 and have a lifetime ahead of you. You are an amazing mother and writer and you can be still enough to figure out your next move. It’s ok to be busy but it’s also ok to be still. I know you miss those precious princesses. They will be back before you know it in a whirlwind of excitement. Go do something for you. Catch a movie with a friend. Try a different restaurant. Take a yoga class. One of those paint with wine nights. Enjoy you and love you because you are worth it and you deserve it!
Thank you for the kind words Alexis, it means a lot. This has been quite the soul searching learning process for me. I think 10 years ago I would have said a heck of a lot worse & like many of you have said in my defense, what I did say wasn’t that bad. But that’s the thing, I want to come through this as a better person than I was before. Maybe so much bad can be capable of something good coming out the other side. Know what I mean? I guess we’ll see, regardless thank you for being so sweet and for the good advice! xoxo!
Of course good can come from it girl a diamond is made under intense pressure! You’ll see more strength love and beauty throughout this and amaze even yourself! Your fans here see it already! Xoxo
What a great post! I am proud of you:)
I have a really weird question for you and it isn’t really related to this, but more toward your fibro…did you ever have mono as a kid? I just learned that the Epstein-Barr virus decided to reactivate in my body (which I didn’t know was a thing) and so I’ve been doing a lot of digging and learning about it, and apparently it’s tied to fibromyalgia and all sorts of other stuff.
Huh, that’s very interesting! But no, I’ve never had mono. I remember in school my cousins who I played with everyday had mono once and I so wanted to catch it so I could miss school and get some of that beautiful bubblegum pink medicine! (So stupid, lol, kid brain!) But I never caught it. I really think Fibromyalgia has been thrown into this catch all diagnosis for too many doctors but now its being reevaluated and I think we’ll learn a lot more about it. I did just learn recently that the nerve damage I have in my fingers & toes (small fiber neuropathy) is now being said to be linked to fibro. So much to learn! Take care sister, much hugs!
I can just imagine how difficult the last year has been however the way you have put your girls first is a true testament to who you are at your core. I can relate to that, my children have always and will always be first. You should be extremely proud of the amazing Mom your are to those 2 beautiful girls and how you continue to deal with everything with such grace and strength. It must be so hard but know there are those of us that keep you and the girls in our prayers everyday. They are blessed that you are their Mom! Hugs to you and the girls!
Thank you so much Caroline, big hugs right back! And thank you for keeping us in your prayers, that means so very much to me! <3
Natasha! Now you know there are people who say and do things just to get a reaction out of you. As I told you in my last comment; when you told us about your injury YOU DID NOT BAD MOUTH Peter! Actually it was people like myself who stated that we no longer listen to his show! You never said a thing accept the truth. If you are going to threat that I’m on this and using that then why did you leave the girls with someone you accused of being on something? Why? Because he knew you weren’t but wanted to hurt your feels and he knew that sick or dying you would make sure that your baby girls were safe and taken care of!! Truth be told it was your audience who was horrified! It was some of us who said things about Peter! Not you! And if people are going to judge you for as one of your readers said telling your story your way; then guess what they aren’t here because they care. They are here to be noisy and report to P. So I would recommend like you have to do with friends sometimes you have to let them go. An example….what does Danni Star’s situation have to do with your blog? Your everyday life and that of your girls? Is she your friend? Maybe, maybe not but her business is not yours and yours is not hers. So why would you bring it up and why would someone expect you too? Right there…Danni can speak for herself and maybe people concerned about that need to go follow her! This is Natasha’s blog!! I have appalled you for taking the high road but Babygirl any higher and you’ll be walking the pathway to Heaven! Don’t let them get in your head like that. You have not said or done anything that your girls or you should be ashamed of. Now make this week a good one. Catch a movie that you wouldn’t be able to see with the girls. Clean your carpets or better yet hire someone! Veg out! Your babies will be back to give you the best that they got soon enough! Enjoy your time. And dust yourself off; because you got some haters attached you my girl! 🙂 Just take your two hands and dust your shoulders off and your front and back! 😉 Give them a good shake! Nice hater free Babygirl!! And don’t you feel bad about doing it! You know what? I’m going to do a cleaning right now🤗…. Hater Free!!! Mad for love you!!! Your sister AutoImmune! 😜
Can you meet me for a cocktail tonight?? Seriously, you are truth teller my friend & I love you so much for beleiving in me & supporting me. Its people like you that I’m in awe of, how someone I dont know in ‘real life’ can be such a very real good friend. Thankyou mama, more than you know. (: xoxo!
Honestly I would be honored! And I’m not about being a Debbie downer either Boo! I mean what I say and mean say what I mean! I feel like you’re so hard on yourself for no reason and all that comes from you trying to be the better person and take the higher road but sweetheart it don’t get no better or higher than you!! You have my email address right? Can you me maybe? Then we can email each other. I can FaceTime you so you know I’m a real person; a real woman and not some fake person. Oh and I have a niece that is the apple of my eye; I absolutely adore this little girl and she adores me. So I got a baby that can hang with your babies if we do something like that. My baby is seven going on eight. But she is super sweet!! I get her every two weeks to get our hair done and I try to take her to the movies once a month. If you’re just joking…I am so honored by the joke but know I will always support you and try my very best not to let the haters get in your head because girl they sneak up on you and next thing you know creep creep creep creep they on you! And then you know what we got to do right? We got a dust ourselves off!!! Shoulders front and back! Your babies should be back now how are you feeling? Deepest respect and mad love, Your sister in autoimmune! 😜
There is no need for the thank you that is why I didn’t address it. And I had a typo it was supposed to say can you email me? Natasha you don’t have to thank me for supporting you, you are a wonderful mother, and outstanding woman and live and conduct yourself with so much grace I am in awe of you! Most women would not be able to do what you are capable of doing. Your strength is impeccable and admirable. I only hope that someday I can reach your level; you are a testament and example to how all mothers should conduct themselves when going through what you are going through. We might need you to write a book on how to keep your Zen during the madness. Book title is copyright and patent pending for all those of you who would try to steal it! Your sister in Autoimmune! 😉
Omg! Yes yes yes to everything you said! And one more thing Natasha! I strongly believe that people only hate on people they are jealous of or because of their own insecurities so don’t take it to heart! Just means you’re doing something good if they’re talking!
I really love reading your blog. I swear if you were to write a book, it would be a New York Times Bestseller! I think you are a great story-teller… Not that what you are writing is some fiction story, but the way you write is fun to read. I hope the week is going quickly for you! xo
Ha! Well I’m not so sure about that but I certainly appreciate the very sweet compliment! Through this blog I’ve learned that I do love to write, something I had no idea I had in me. Where was that in my killer AP English class in high school?? (;
Hey Natasha, just curious, have you been tested for multiple sclerosis? Fibro often is a diagnosis that is given to patients when all other options have been ruled out, and I am not saying you’re faking your problems (that’s horrible), it’s just as a medical professional, I know that fibro is often diagnosed by doctors out of frustration for not being able to find a cause and they want to give their patient’s something to placate them. Just a thought, but M.S. has a lot of the symptoms you are describing, despite the horrific implications that has on your health. As a nurse, i would be insulted if I were diagnosed with fibro because doctors admit to us nurses regularly that patient’s with fibro don’t actually have fibro, they have something else that hasn’t presented itself enough to diagnose.
Natasha ~
I’ve been following your blog for a
a few years now & needless to say, your subsequent health struggles (SO similar to mine) in addition to the wretched way you’ve been unfairly bulldozed (in public!) have compelled me to reach out. Sorry girl, I simply call situations/people/etc as I see them from – specifically recently & I refuse to sit idly by any longer. I sincerely want you to know that you are absolutely 100% supported by this stranger & it makes my blood boil to see you dragged thru the mud. While I will NOT speak ill of P, I WILL say his smear campaign will blow up in his face. That, my lovely, I shall promise you. How am
I so self assured in my words of wisdom??? Because I have walked in your shoes. And believe it or not…..ten fold.
Whether or not it matters to you, I am steadfast in uplifting you, Sam & Sophie in prayer each & every day – and often multiple times a day. Call me crazy, but I BELIEVE in uplifting, empowering & rooting for my fellow sister. Frankly, I’m sick & tired of seeing vapid, fake, egotistical & most importantly – insecure women tearing one another down.
We as women should be having one another’s backs! Empowering & uplifting one on other! I am so tired of the mud slinging! I’d prefer to keep some anonymity here on this public forum. But I’d truly be honored if you’d reach out to me. We suffer from the same ailments. I’m a single gal, no kiddos & find equine therapy so beneficial. I’m also a pediatric oncologist. Thinking of you, Julie
I am glad that you got some needed you time. I am certain that you and another particular individual were ‘spoken to’ about being honest. I’d like to think it would be a wake-up call for that person, but when you are outnumbered by four…I could not say that is the case. No matter…what stands is that you want to speak positively. Let’s hope that you get the same treatment. That is my wish. So…what is your passion? What speaks to you? What would motivate you daily? Think about these things to help you decide what Natasha 2.0 looks like…and look out world!
Hi Natasha,
I wanted to let you know that you’re pretty awesome!
Also I was wondering if you’re still friends with Danni?
(: thanks, concussions suck balls. I don’t usually get crass on here but dammit, they do!!! I’m finally feeling more like myself and thank you for asking. Danni and I are still friends, she’s a good girl and I care about her a lot. (:
I was also without my kids during their Spring Break. Their dad move to the west coast last summer to marry someone else…the person who broke up our 10 year marriage. I’m ok with that…now. I took that week to recharge my Mommy Battery! I’m the full time working, single parent. Since their dad lives 3 time zones away, I’m the only one doing everything…homework, hugs and kisses, fixing boo boos, housework, yard work, paying bills, working…etc. All single parents need a break…a break to find themselves…a break to take a darn breath…a break to focus on their wants/needs. I got my hair done, I got a manicure, I went to the movies in the middle of the week, I did very little cooking, I shampooed by carpets and torn my twins’ closet and dressers up! The day before they came back, the man I’ve been dating for almost 3 years asked me to marry him. I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life, than when I said YES to him. Everyone needs a break…even from the things that mean THE MOST to them…including our wonderful children.
Katie, you are my INSPIRATION! Seriously, my heart breaks when my kids are 30 minutes away, I can’t imagine… You do sound incredibly strong however & I honestly look up to the hero you are being. xoxo!
Hey girl! First off I would like to apologize. I definitely am guilty of prejudging you when i heard of your divorce and i believed you were a gold digger(among other things) and i just was very judgmental towards you. I am truly sorry for that. The internet has away of allowing people (like me) to waste their time judging people and getting involved in other ppl’s business. I am glad i decided to read your blog and view you as a regular single mom who is doing the best she can. I myself have five children and actually live with my children’s father and we are not together. Yes girl it is crazy lol. I love the way you are super crafty and like to keep your kids busy. I think you are a great mom and you inspire me to be a better mom and just a better women overall. You are doing your thing and I can tell you are very strong. It’s sad because i miss the old kane show when you would call in and when danni was on and it felt like a real family dynamic. It’s crazy because now that you and Danni are both going through rough times, you would think it would bring you closer together. I want that for you all, to be friends again and to share your life experiences. I don’t listen much anymore because you can just tell the dynamic and the sense of family has changed. I wish you luck lil pink lady and for heavens sake don’t give up on love! 🙂
Oh Chrissy, thank you so very very much for sharing that, apology accepted! I don’t blame you to be honest, or others, but reaching out to me like you did, it feels really good. And FIVE kids!! Goodness, is your sainthood coronation happening soon?! (: Hope you stick around mama, best to you
Thanks for responding ;). I don’t think I will ever be sane again lol. All this rain means more time in the house and we all go crazy. You really need to make some type of craft book for moms like me who want to be crafty but rather just copy crafts from a book made by you 😜. I love my kids even in the midst of the maddness. The joy they bring keeps me going. (I say this as im yelling down the hall for my sons who are 10 and 8 to put their pokemon cards away and go to bed) oh the joy! Thank god for the chewbacca mom she has gotten me through the weekend lmao!! I must have watched that video 12 times already!!
I want to say sorry to you. I don’t personally know you, but I judged you based off of other perspectives and that was entirely wrong. It was not until recently that I think my eyes were opened. I can’t imagine what you have been through Natasha and how strong of a woman you have been and you are now. I love reading your blog. You are such a beautiful writer. I look forward to continue reading what you post and stalking your Instagram pics 🙂
Wow. You have no idea how very very much that means to me. I still get people (although not as often) Yesterday I actually had a man say something to me that they heard which is 100%, he just assumed it was the truth, it really bummed me out for a bit, you just completely made it better. Thank you Sara. (:
Hi,
It seems strange for a total stranger to say that to you, I know…..I am that stranger. But, I think that you have dealt with everything with such grace. It seemed totally one sided since P (your name for him) went on the radio and broke down while telling his story to thousands of listeners, myself included. I wept for him and the heart break that he went through.
I won’t lie, I was on his side and felt that you were given everything and you left without a word and took the girls, all of his money, and left an empty house …..his world was gone with the love of his life. His story was not accurate after reading your blog.
I wanted to apologize for being swayed. I was told a couple days ago about how he was stalking you and that broke my heart. I glossed through the story and it was hard to believe. I felt duped. It mentioned your blog, I gave you the same chance to tell your side and you were very kind in the posts that are up currently. I can’t believe it……why cause any more pain for you. I will not listen to his show again or even that station.
I hope that life provides you with enjoyment, love, and a wonderful life. People say there are 3 sides to a story: his, hers and the truth. But I find that the truth doesn’t provide the emotional side of the events.
Take care of yourself and those two adorable girls,
Kari