On Friday we were leaving school & Sam & all of her friends went running down the sidewalk. Sophie, fully believing she’s at least 3, took off after them. I knew those fat little toddler thighs couldn’t keep up with the pace of her upper half & before there was anything I could do she was sprawled out on the concrete. Her first true scrapped knees. Boy she screamed but being the tough little nugget she is she threw a few punches in the air, got out her frustration & moved on.
We were home not even 5 minutes later & as I talking with a neighbor in our driveway Sam started running around in circles showing off. The words “Don’t run on the pavement, if you fall…” were cut off with a ::SMACK:: “WAHHHH!!!”
As I had them both sitting on my bed & was cleaning off their knees I told them that I know it burns but they’re going to get lots of scrapped knees in their life, it’s just part of being a kid. Sam gave me a look like, “You crazy? I’m never running anywhere again!”
I got to thinking later that I’m just like a little girl who keeps scrapping her knees. I put myself out there trusting & hoping for life to be better & sometimes it is, but life will also inevitably let you down. You fall flat on your face & it burns like hell. Often it’s the exact same scrape, over & over & over again.
I wonder if people who are closed off have just scrapped their knee too many times & finally learned to stop getting hurt. I would see someone like that & feel bad for them, how hopeless. Now I’m starting to wonder if I’m just a fool & they’ve finally wised up.
Whether it’s a relationship with a lover, a family member or a career endeavor when does persistence make you a fool?
I have had periods in my life where I stopped running on pavement… but life gets awfully lonely when everyone else is running in circles, and you’re standing still, for fear of getting hurt. Yes, sometimes you inevitably fall, but sometimes it’s better to fall, cry and get back up than to just stand still, be safe, and miss all the fun.
You only become a fool when you stop being true to yourself. Fighting for a marriage or a relationship with a sibling or a career is admirable, but if you are constantly giving up pieces of yourself in the fight, eventually there is nothing of you left. And then what are you fighting for, just the right to say you never gave up, what’s the point? Never lose sight of yourself, remember what’s fundamentally important to you and if the things in your life don’t match up, then you have to make a change. I hear people always talking about compromising in life (especially marriage). And if they are speaking about where to go on vacation or whether kids should go to public or private school, then yes, compromise is absolutely needed. But if a relationship requires you to compromise the very core that makes you you, then that relationship is never going to last, because you can only pretend to be something you are not for so long.
It’s not that I don’t believe people can change, because they can when that change comes from within themselves. But a person cannot permanently change just to fit into a box drawn by someone else. Eventually, the real you will want out of that box.
So, the point to this rambling is, if you are trying over and over again because it is something that is true to your real self, then keep trying, never give up. But if you are trying over and over because your failures are due to not truly wanting to do what you are attempting (meaning you are simply trying to fit an image), then you need to move on.
Fighting for something worth fighting for does not make one foolish. On the contrary. Because I am unable to say something without quoting someone, I thought this C. S. Lewis quote was applicable: “To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless–it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.” I think the folly comes in when one expects the other person to change, rather than changing themselves. We are in relationships with people for what and who they are, rather than who they might become. I like what the other Angela said about staying true to your core.
I love that quote.
Love that quote… and may I add, don’t start doubting yourself. That is the quickest way to be torn down.
Natasha, I love how you express my feelings in a way that I never could. I had stood still for so long I had forgotten how to walk. Please don’t let that happen to you.
I just had to say—putting yourself out there can burn, but it also helps you to learn some lessons in life. It really can shape a person into who they are. My husband has always told me, from the time we met, that he doesn’t really care about my past or things I have done. Yes, it helped shape me into the woman I am today, but he doesn’t need to know everything. For me, it kind of hurt at first, but I realized over time that he is so right. Everyone has learned things–easily or the hard way, but you learned, right?
I agree with Angela’s comment too–you do feel like you lose a little of yourself while fighting to keep some relationships going. I did that with my parents and twin sister. I finally had to walk away, burned after 7-8 yrs of defending myself, my husband and my life.
You should never lose sight of who you are, but not be afraid to put yourself out there to learn something.
I’m so sad that happened with your parents and twin. I hope you’re doing well.
That’s great insight and I hadn’t thought of it that way before. I just hate it when they fall like that. You see it happening but can’t do anything about it. 🙁 I have to say in the blogging/commenting world I am amazed at the comments other bloggers have shown of hateful things people have sent to them. People hiding behind anonymous computer screens can be quite nasty and vile and you have to wonder why and what’s happened to them to make them so angry and mean. Have a great day and you are amazingly talented at design, making clothing and being a great mom. Your girls are absolutely adorable.
got a little teary reading this. having one of those days. i def can relate. ugh.
I kind of touched on this in my post “Are you a wisher and a hoper?” http://withoutcomplexities.blogspot.com/2011/08/are-you-wisher-and-hoper.html
Basically, I’m a pragmatist and usually don’t get my hopes up too much because the disappointment can cut too deeply. Sometimes I seem like a debbie downer or sour puss to others. I think my hubby keeps a little spark of hope alive in me though…