Sophie has pneumonia. Can you believe that ridiculousness??
It was almost exactly one month ago that Sam came down with pneumonia (after 5 consecutive weeks of a horrible cough) & it was around 20 days ago that we found out Parker had cancer followed by him passing away 13 days ago.
Last night when I was driving to the ER with Sophie I was thinking 3 things…
1- Why the heck won’t her 103 fever break, could my thermometer be broken? It does go in her ear right?
2- It’s amazing, I don’t even have to think about how to get here. It’s like my car has autopilot.
3- Am I doing something wrong?
Why is my life so bumpy lately? I feel like I barely get my head above water & am somehow getting back on track when ::BAM:: another hitch.
Am I somehow bringing this on myself? You know, that whole idea that if you put too much negativity out there you’ll bring it back on yourself? At least I think that’s how it goes. Could I have some sort of hidden mommy mental disease that I’m sub-consciously bringing hardships on my family for attention?! Well no, because 1- I don’t think anyone knows how to inflict Lymphoma on others & 2- I’m not exactly getting a pity party thrown for me around here. If attention was my goal then my plan is seriously flawed.
That’s when I remembered this quote…
“LIFE IS NOT HARD BECAUSE YOU’RE DOING SOMETHING WRONG. LIFE IS JUST HARD”
Ain’t that the truth? ::sigh::
Combine that with almost every single one of my daily devotionals for the last week having something to do with the theme of “trust” & “give all your cares to God” & I’m thinking that someone is trying to teach me something.
In the past I did notice at some point that when times were hard it was often when I grew the most. I suppose ”growing pains” would be pretty accurate. When I think in those terms I can almost rally up a bit of excitement, with all these bumps (although it feels like more like massive heaps of elephant poop) I must be about to learn something pretty darn good. Maybe God is preparing me for some amazing next phase in our life? Maybe something big is on the horizon & I need some toughening up to be able to handle it?
Or maybe it’s just that I need to learn that life is messy. Raising mini humans & managing a family is hard work. Period. People are going to get sick. Pets are going to need your help. Dishwashers will break & some sort of nasty bug will make it’s home in your house. And sometimes, like now, it all happens simultaneously.
This is the part where P would tell me that I should be appreciative that we are very blessed & things could be much much worse. At least our problems are manageable. And while I wholeheartedly agree with this notion I have to say it’s still ok to say my problems are hard. So are yours. Just because it’s not grand-scale, horribly tragic hard doesn’t mean it isn’t still taxing, painful & utterly exhausting. It’s ok to own that, to give your feelings that affirmation.
So here’s what I’m going to do…
1- Blog about it because that always makes me feel better.
2- Give myself a little double tap under the chin. I can do this. “You will survive” (;
3- Bump up the acceptable dinner cocktail hour to 4pm. Shhh, I won’t tell anyone if you won’t.
Oh, and one more, I’m going to share this insane video from the hospital last night with you so we can end this with a little chuckle.
A little backstory first though…Sophie had been panting & wheezing, the pediatrician wasn’t sure if it was from her high fever or from a breathing problem so she said to go ahead and try Sam’s nebulizer to see if it helped. (it didn’t hence the trip to the ER) Although it’s not a steroid those inhaled medications make my kids NUTS. We call it ‘fairy air’ but I’m thinking ‘baby crack’ might be more appropriate. This was Sophie in our room several hours later. (and several hours past her bedtime)
After she took her sunglasses out of my purse and started parading down the hall with her blankie on her head the Dr. gave her a dose of Benedryl. I was so happy to see that sleepy pink goodness.
So wish me luck my friend, last night Sophie was up, literally, between every 15-45 minutes for the entire night. From 10p-8a. It was awful. If you don’t hear from me for a few days it’s because my brain is so tired it’s shut off typing abilities & vocabulary function for the sake breathing, eating & Grey’s Anatomy.
By the way, before I let you go can I ask you a personal question? For those of you who are stay at home mom’s and your husband’s work…
Do your husbands get up at all with the kids at night? I just told P he could sleep in the guest room tonight so he could get a good’s nights sleep. I did it because I was feeling generous & thought it would be sweet of me. No sense in both of us being up all night with Sophie & then being useless tomorrow, right? Well when he didn’t just flood me with kisses over my generosity I pushed the issue, asking why he wasn’t thankful. He finally fessed up that “it’s your responsibility to get up with the kids”.
Um, what?
Even in the middle of the night it’s still my job? He says yes, because he has to go to work in the morning. Of course that’s when the top of my head burst open with flames shooting out because I’m sorry, do I not have to get up and work too? I’m pretty sure my alarm clock of two children needing to be fed is going to go off bright and early. I guess I can see his point but I’m still amazed that we could feel so differently about this. If this is the case then when would my responsibility ever end? When is my job over? Do all husbands/wives have this understanding & I somehow was just off by thinking that at night & on the weekends we were 50/50?
I’m curious, how do other couples divvy it up?
Our understanding is that my husband goes to work for 8-12 hours a day and works really hard making money. Meanwhile I stay home for those same 8-12 hours a day and work really hard caring for the house and kids. When we’re both home, we’re both working really hard continuing to care for the house and kids.
When we only had one child, I did take 100% of the night wakings and most of the childcare even when my husband was home. With just one (easy) kid, I could play “sleep while the baby sleeps” and didn’t have to leave the house unless I wanted to. Now, with more than one kid, I’m on duty the entire time my husband’s at work and have lots of errands and appointments to be at, so I have to be “on” just as much as he does. We split everything 50/50 when he’s home (and sometimes he carries even more than 50% of the load, because our baby’s horrible colicky hours are during the day, and I need the break).
We’ve been dealing with health issue on top of health issue for the past few months, and I know how wearing and soul-sucking it is. Best of luck, and I hope everyone improves soon.
Ack! So sorry to hear about this new bump in the road. Hopefully after this, you’ll have it easy for a little while!
As for the getting up at night. I’m pretty sure my husband has said something about it being my job too. Especially when our babies have been young and were nursing. However, there comes a point when I just tell him that I need help and then he steps in and gives me a bit of a break. So if the baby is up ALLLLLLL night, I usually wake him up at 4:30 and tell him I need to get at least 2-3 hours of solid sleep. In a way I feel like it is more my job to get up at night with the kids, but I think both my husband and I both know that I still need to be able to get some sleep because I am busy during the day too, just in a different way. And of course, I am a real witch when I am exhausted, so he tries to avoid letting me get to that point:)
Things will get better 🙂
I’m a stay at home and I think the only time he helped through the night was the first week she was born. Do you know how many fights we’ve had over the same issue?! He says that since i stay home with emily I can sleep whenever she sleeps whereas he has to get up to work. This usually results with me yelling that i cant sleep bc if i sleep nothing will get done around the house. Im just used to it now. There was a point in time where I would turn all the lights on and be extra loud BC I was so mad but now I just let it go. So no, u r not alone!!
I think they don’t realize being a mom is a life long job.
Well on another note why don’t u take a few hours this weekend and go get a Mani/pedi. U deserve it.
Oh I hear ya! My husband are so “off” when it comes to parenting. We think totally different. I think it’s 50/50 to after working hours are over. It’s not like I sit around all day and watch soap opera’s. In fact, the tv barely comes on. I always pull the well then it’s your job to take out the trash, mow the lawn, weed the gardens, wash the cars, fill them up with gas, like all the men did in the 50’s too so I can do all the things you think I should be doing. It shuts him up pretty darn quick. It’s just not like that anymore and I think us women get pushed to the max and then are expected to go that much more. By the end of the day all we need is for a husband to come home and say you know what, you’ve probably listened to these kids enough today, why don’t you go upstairs for an hour, I’ve got this. Because believe me, if my husband came home after work and saw all of his employees around our table, he wouldn’t think it was very funny either!!! Hang in there! You are one strong momma!
Sorry, but I side with your husband. That’s the way it’s always worked in our family, and I wouldn’t want it any other way. His job is to provide for us financially. My job is to care for us all. Done and done.
Mother Theresa once said (or so I’ve heard, it could have been anyone who said it really): God doesn’t give me more than I can carry, I just wish he didn’t trust me so much.
I’m totally there with you. Sometimes it feels like it can’t get any worse and you feel like “it has to get better from here, right?” but then it doesn’t – get better I mean – and it sucks. It will, eventually, get better and you will be a better woman, wife and mother for it. But right now, make all the noise you want sister, cause keeping it in doesn’t do anyone any favors.
And getting up with the kids has always been my job, now that I stay at home and when I was a working mom. Sometimes guys just suck – even wonderful, loving husbands.
That is a GREAT quote sister
I have heard both sides on this story. My personal opinion is that it is a 50/50 deal. That’s what marriage is, isn’t it? It’s about selflessness, especially when children are involved. My sister and her husband are lovely examples. When the kids were nursing, her husband would get up and bring the baby to her and then put her back when she was done nursing. I just thought it was so sweet that he could see how exhausting being a mom is and tried his hardest to help her. It goes both ways still. Once the kids were in school, she got better rest and would get up with them in the night(definitely less frequent). But he still takes them on his days off(in the mornings) so that she can catch up on her sleep. You should see how she gets treated when she is pregnant. Princess treatment for 9 months. I just love that! But in reality, it’s just about finding the balance that works for you and your husband. It was so sweet of you to be willing to let him get a good nights sleep. But don’t feel bad putting p in his place. Your are working a full time job too!
For usual night time wakings I think it’s the SAHMs job to get up with the kids because, let’s face it, most days we can choose to have a lazy day after a rough night. But when kids are sick and Mom gets exhausted it IS time for the husband to come in and pick up the slack. If it’s not helping out at night then it’s coming home from work and making dinner and letting Mom have a nap before her evening shift begins. And helping with laundry and housework so she can rest when the kids are resting. And once the weekend comes he should be letting Mom sleep in to catch up on all that lost sleep.
I think the breadwinner sometimes forgets that our job isn’t 9-5 and that while they are at work we’re working too.
So sorry to hear that Sophie has pneumonia! She is just too cute, and acts SO much like my 19 month old, Asha. Which–BTW–is it weird that we were in the ER last night too? Asha fell off of my 13 yr old’s bed (an Ikea bed so the frame goes all the way around) and bit through her bottom lip! She received 5 stitches, after almost 4 hrs in the ER. No, I am not kidding. I will be doing a full on post about it as soon as I can catch up on my abandoned blog.
Ummm, for the question about getting up with kids in the night…..my husband has always been willing to get up, no matter if he has to work in the morning. He sees it as part of being a parent. But I know that my husband is not typical. (Not to say that there is anything wrong with anyone else’s husband.) I guess I would expect any man to be willing to share the responsibility because they are his kids too. I do agree with you, that he should be grateful that you were giving him a ‘pass’ to get a good nights rest. But when do you get that chance? Does he offer to do that for you once in awhile on say a weekend night, to let you recoup from a really stressful week or month? That would be a thoughtful thing to do, that money cannot buy!
So sorry to hear about Sophie’s illness. Stay strong. This too shall pass.
As for getting up at night, in my house it’s pretty close to 50/50. My husband is a stay at home dad and I go off to work every day. Working isn’t easy but neither is staying at home with the kids. We try our best to take turns during the rough nights. Does it mean I have to work harder to stay focused and productive the next day? Yes! But I also know it’s hard on my husband too. We are certainly not perfect and you are bound to hear us going back and forth, “it’s your turn.” ” No, it’s your turn.” But in the end I think we’re pretty fair and respectful of each other.
I hope Sophie gets better quickly! There is always a light at the end of the tunnel, you just have to get to the end of it. Hang in there.
I recently became a stay at home mom when we had our 2nd child. My husband expects me to do all night time duties. However, he still expected me to do all night time duties when I was working too (since he had to wake up first ~a whole whopping 30 minutes before my alarm went off~). Apparently he thinks that all they need is food since that is the only thing he can’t provide for them at this age. Nursing momma = no sleep. ever.
Getting up in the night has always been my responsibility , I told my hubby it’s the way I wanted it to work as he goes to work so early. He doesn’t even hear us get up now. But If thekids are unwell or if they are vomiting etc, he is always willing to take a turn and strip beds etc when I am dealing with the kids and he always tells me to wake him if I need him.
. BUT our youngest is a super early riser so it is always his responsibility to get up with her in the morning, I take the nights and then he takes the morning so I catch up on all broken sleep with 2 lie ins at the weekend and in school holidays etc.
My kids are older now but this is still the way it works. My DD gets up at least once a night to go to the bathroom so I still get broken sleep and a lie in when I can xxx
Hope Soph is better soon x
Hi 🙂 I love reading your blog, and I rarely post. I’m not a mom, but I love reading your stories; sort of prepping me for the future. 🙂 Anyway, I wanted to leave you some encouragement for life. These are two my life verses (verses that I try to apply to everything in my life and hold onto their promises).
Jeremiah 29:11 — “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “Plans to prosper you, and not to harm you, to give you a hope and a future.” and also, Proverbs 3:5-6 — “Trust in the Lord with ALL your heart and lean not on you own understanding, but in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.”
There are so many promises in just those two verses. That He knows what He’s doing in your life. He would never do anything to harm you. Stop trusting on your own understanding of things, and just acknowledge Him first. He’ll make your paths straight. He will give you hope.
🙂 Praying for baby Sophie! and for you! <3
You have no idea how much that verse just spoke to me…
<3 I have them both tattooed on me to remind me of His love constantly. (A little over-kill, but I'm really stubborn and easily forgetful, haha.)
Much love, Natasha. You've got a lot of people rooting for you! You're more amazing than you give yourself credit for.
I have been sick and coughing since September. I cant seem to shake this cold. Thankfully I am an adult so I can say how im feeling when I feel bad.
Poor Sophie! I hope she feels better soon!!!
I’m sorry, I would agree with your hubby on this one… as a working mom who has gotten up with a sick kid in the middle of the night and both gone to work the next day (while hubby stays at home with the sick kid) and stayed at home with her, it is much easier to stay at home, because in between all the necessary duties, you can just zone out on the couch and watch Nick Jr or The Little Mermaid 10 times in a row (hey, don’t judge, whatever it takes to keep the fever-induced whining at a minimum). But, comes with three caveats:
1) The working (outside of the home) spouse should NEVER take it for granted, and should be completely appreciative and grateful of the other
2) When the working spouse gets home, that spouse should 100% relieve the SAH spouse of their duties for the evening and give them a well deserved break for a nap, a bath, cocktails, whatever.
3) Dinner on nights like this must be delivery, because you’ve both earned it.
I love what you said in the beginning about hard times always being a time of growth. I feel the same way, and have to remind myself of that when times get tough. I am ashamed to admit that, when things are going well, I get into the routine, and the only time I pray is bedtime prayers with my daughter. It seems blasphemous to even admit this (especially in writing), but when things are going well, I don’t “need” to pray. And when I say that I mean subconsciously; I know I always need God, but it’s just like any other relationship; weeks go by, and you suddenly realize that you haven’t called your BFF or your mom, and how is it possible that it has been 2 weeks? But, when things are tough? That is when I spend hours in prayer. I’ll be in prayer in the car, in bed at night, while cooking… when things are tough it’s like a constant stream of conversation. And, as tough as it is, as much as I hate being in whatever vulnerable state I am in (given that I am a fiercely independent person), part of me realizes that it is God reminding me that he’s there; kind of a “Hey, it’s been a while, don’t forget to write home” kind of way. My biggest fear is the loss of control… and it seems God has to remind me often that I am not really in control, and must remind me who is. It’s a constant lesson in surrendering, submission and letting go.
Wow, sorry to completely hijack your comment section. Clearly what you said struck something in me. Your posts have done that a lot lately… I think we view the world in very similar ways.
We have the same situation at our house. I am not sure Matt expects me to get up with the kids, he just never does. He “sleeps” through everything except when he is on call. He is wide awake for all phone calls, but never hears the kids crying in the middle of the night. I truly believe that men will never ever understand how hard it is to be a mom. I think raising children is the hardest job out there. You deserve a break and a big pat on your back for all that you have been through lately!!!!!It is 24 hours a day job and it does not stop there either!! It is well worth it, but I do feel that sometimes a break would be nice for all women!!!!
I hope Sophie feels better today and you get some rest. If there is anything we can do to help, please let us know!!!!! Thinking of you!
Boo, what a bad couple of months! I say fake it til u make it! When I’m crabby I try to fake myself into being happy cause I’m with u I’m like am I doing this with my. Egative energy? Have u read te happiness project, I just started it so I don’t know if I love it or not yet haha!
And on another note, uh don’t u hate when husbands think that!! If it’s ur “job” to raise the girls then ur hours are m-f 8-5 just like everyone else and nights and weekends are 50/50! I remember this everybody loves Raymond episode when ray told his wife she didn’t make any money and she added up everything like in home child care, cook, valet, laundry, and it was over 100,00 a year! Haha
So sorry Sophie’s sick. I definitely get up in the night with the kids. I may work at home but my work doesn’t require me to interact with anyone but the kids (most days). However, evenings and weekends I expect some sharing of responsibilities. We’ve had this heated discussion quite a bit at our house. I explain that he at least gets to leave his work to come home-I don’t. I live in my office. I still feel like a lot of times we’re off balance. I just keep remembering to make sure to communicate my needs and it usually (not always) helps even things back up. I hope Sophie’s on the mend soon.
Hang in there girl. You can do this!!!
I can remember once when my daughter was a newborn and I was getting up with her all night long, I was sitting in the bed feeding her and hubby was on his side snoring and I feel the overwhelming urge to punch him LOL Hormones I guess and I didn’t do it but I understand where you’re coming from! I just handled it by cutting myself some extra slack. So maybe we had McDonalds for dinner more than I would have liked, maybe the laundry piled up a little more than I would have liked, maybe my house wasn’t NEAR as clean as I would have liked. It was the season I was in.
Chin up! Being a mom is a HARD job but don’t forget how glorious it can be too!
I work full time and my significant other stays home with the baby. Can you believe that he has the nerve to tell me its my job to get up with the kids if they are sick? >:O Yes he truly believes that. I think they want to be traditional when it benefits them. I do not agree with their thinking at all. I know it may be hard for them to fathom but I’m going to throw it out there…..Mom’s need a break too. This does not include going to the salon with the kids. My significant other tells me to go have a relaxing girls day at the nail salon/hair salon with our daughters. Whaaaat? Another issue is sleeping in. It must be nice to be able to sleep in. I have to wake up with them when they wake up during the night and I must wake up with them in the morning on weekends.
I’m so sorry to hear Sophie’s sick! I hope she feels better!
I know my marriage is strange – but my husband works full-time and I stay home. I NEVER (not since my son was a baby) get up in the middle of the night. He’s a toddler and still doesn’t sleep through the night but my husband does all the middle of the night stuff. We both agree that being a SAHM is the toughest job and you always have to be “on”. It’s much easier to work a “normal” job and still have a moment to yourself (such as lunchtime) so it’s better if I’m super well rested and I’ll be a better mom. So he takes all the late night stuff and I sleep. Guess what? We’re both happy. I’m a better mom with more patience and my husband has bonding time with our son (at 4am…)
I am a stay at home mom and my husband works m-f 7-4. When he is home we both equally care for our son. We alternate nights too. So if I get up tonight then tomorrow night is my husbands turn. If our son doesn’t wake up, it remains his night(s) until so. When my son was first born we agreed that all the night time responsibility would be mine, but we both quickly realized that wasn’t fair. Even though he had a job to get up for in the morninv, so did I. So that’s when we agreed to take turns. It works well for us and I don’t feel like I have a 24/7 job with no break. Just let your husband know how you feel and maybe on the weekend let him get up with the kids at night and then again care for them all the next day. He will realize how hard your job can be and maybe agree to help at night.
Sorry about Sophie, hope she feels better soon! From an outside perspective (as in no kids) if you weren’t a SAHM and hired someone to care for your kids, while you both worked outside the home, it’s not like it would be that person’s job to stay over and get up with the kids all night long. Just because it’s “their job” to take care of the kids during the day. You’d both be getting up at night, regardless of having to work the next day, because that’s what parents have to do. Why should this be any different just because your 9-5 is taking care of the kids?
Oh I don’t even know where to start this topic makes me so crazy. I am a stay at home mom and have been since my daughter was born, 5 years ago. I have a husband who is more than amazing with her. When she was a baby after a few months of me getting up every night, I said I can’t do this I felt awful but I knew it wasn’t good for anyone for me to be crabby and miserable all the time. So I got up whenever needed on sun- thur nights, he took fri and sat nights. It worked and I felt like we were sharing being parents. Now she doesn’t wake up very often so I usually get up but if she’s been sick or going through a nightmare stage and I haven’t got a good nights sleep the the previous night he will always help out. No matter what night of the week it is. I do believe once the ” work day” is done for both parents, things should be 50/50. Most nights my hubby also does bath and bed time, that is my alone time, and it makes me a better wife and mother for having it. Men who think bringing home money makes them a father makes me crazy ……..CRAZY! I appreciate that my husband works hard everyday so I can be at home and I tell him that, he also appreciates that I work hard taking care of him and our little girl and coming soon little boy:). Don’t take each other for granted. It doesn’t work without both of you! Oh my what a rant, I hope you ALL are feeling better soon!
I hope you have an illness-free summer laying ahead of you. You all definitely deserve it. As for the getting up in the middle of the night thing, while I’m not a stay at home mom, I do have an almost 7 month old little gal and very much have an opinion on that. And, actually, I kind’ve have a problem with the language “stay at home mom”. I think you’re a working mom, and to think otherwise risks devaluing what you do every day. Language can have such a powerful effect on our perspective. Not only are you responsible for taking care of yourself, but for two little ones as well, and for that incredibly important job you need to be rested, just as does someone who goes to an office to do their work for the day. I stayed home with my daughter for 4 months after she was born, and during that time, my husband and I split the night wakings up so that each of us would have a chance to get a chunk of uninterrupted sleep. The first few days I went back to work and before starting daycare, my husband stayed home with our daughter, which I think was such a blessing, because he was so exhausted at the end of each day and he has remarked on numerous occasions since then, when we’ve talked about me staying home after baby number two in a few years, that he doesn’t know how I could do it. Staying home with your children is wonderful, but it is work, and to do that work well, you need sleep. I’m a big advocate of choosing your battles in a marriage and letting go of those issues that aren’t so big in the grand scheme, which is always a personal decision, but for me, this is one of those issues worth some discussion.
Okay, sorry for the long comment, guess I just feel strongly on this topic. And as a relatively new reader to your blog, I must say I so appreciate how honest you are. I can relate to so many of your posts, and that makes it such a pleasure to read.
When we had our bio kids I did all of the nights because I was breastfeeding. Now we have two foster babies and my hubby is on night shift. After I am asleep, it’s his turn. I hope you all feel better soon!
Ugh, I’m a mom who works outside the home and I was still the one sitting with my sick 2.5 year old through the night last night (my husband works too). In fact after sitting with her for and hour and half I called him to come relieve me for a few minutes and his first words were “Um I have to get up at 4:30AM). I wish it was more 50/50 on those types of things in my house. I also think that life is just hard so don’t beat yourself up, if you are. Sometimes it’s good, sometimes it’s not so good, either way we get through it the best we can. Really, despite the large amount of stress you’ve been handed as of late, you are doing a FANTASTIC job. I hope lil’ Sophie gets well soon, both of your girls are beautiful.
As a nursing mama, I did most nights when T was little; however, if I ever ask my husband for help at any time of the day, he knows it’s because I need him. We’re a team. 50/50 around here.
After reading your question, I knew I had to click over and read all the responsed you’d get. Thanks for sharing ladies!
Since night wakings aren’t a regular thing for our 2 year old, it’s a case by case basis on who gets her. Did he have to work late? Do I have anything important the next day? etc…
Sorry if double commenting on one post makes me look like a crazy stalker. I was just reminded of this song when it played on my Pandora, and remembered just loving it when we were going through the Sick Spring of 2010 (my 2 y.o. had the flu, pneumonia, bronchitis, all within a couple of months). http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SVa9uLodTtQ
Poor Sophie! I hope she feels better and that you get some rest.
My husband works nights, but before he did, we shared the night wakings. He’d take the first four hours and I’d do the second four hours. That way, each of us got some sleep and we were both working outside the home. Now that I stay at home, we still do this on the nights he’s home. We’re 50/50 all the way.
I think it’s disrespectful to think that one person is solely responsible for any part of child-rearing. Nothing is one or the other’s job, it should all be 50/50. If one person does pick up more of the slack in one area, then the other parent should be grateful.
So sorry Sophie is sick…hoping she (and you) are feeling better soon!
I also wanted to comment on the “getting up in the middle of the night with sick/hungry/thirsty/crying/screaming/nightmare kid.” I was pretty much blessed with a great little sleeper. She’s 4 now but has always been good during the night. However, when she was a newborn, my husband and I kinda made a deal. He had to be up really early for work (4am) and I was at home on maternity leave. We decided that when she was up anytime before 12:30 he would get up with her, anytime after that I would. That way he still “helped” (even though I hate when we say men “help” they are their children right?) but each of us got a decent stretch of sleep. Mine before 12, his after) Now when she’s sick and gets up, it’s usually me who gets up first (instinct I think) and then he might get up next if she needs us again. I kinda think it’s sad that a man says its a woman’s “job” to get up in the middle of the night. It’s kinda part of being a parent, whether you work outside the home, or in the home. We both care for OUR child.
PS. Sorry for all the quotes and parentheses 🙂
When I was still working we split the nights 50/50 but since we had our second child and I stay home, I’m the only one that gets up. I’m completely fine with it. My hubby can’t function on little sleep and I can. But I know if I have a really bad night then day, he’ll make sure I get a nap.
I hope Sophie feels better soon.
I have the same logic as you and my hubby has said the exact same thing. It kills me. I have found that it is those times that make me want to move back east so I could have some family around to watch my little one for an hour or two so I could get a nap in the next day. It would make things so much easier. I hope you find some strength and get a good mommy night in soon!
I know exactly how you feel. Being a stay at home mom is hard. I am the one who stays up with the sick kid and then have to hear how hard it was to sleep and how hard it was to concentrate at work after “being kept up all night.” Have you had this happen…your husband calls you from work saying he must have caught whatever the baby has, he needs to come home and rest…which he does and when you get it all you get is a call from your husband saying hope you can rest today!
I have “threatened” to go back to work which means hubby would have to help with getting baby to and from daycare, share sick days, no working late etc. An elderly nurse once told me “Stay at home mother: the work is steady, the pay sucks.”
True!
My ex worked full time I was staying at home with our son and HE got up in the middle of the night every night. He offered, said I needed the rest for the next day. When our son was sick, we would take turns. In your situation I definitely think you and your husband should take turns, every other time she gets up. THAT is only fair, in my book at least!
I’m the one who gets up with the babies, and for the same reasons, but its my decision, and it was just kind of an unspoken thing between us. We have a pretty traditional marriage and home-life setup, so me doing 90% of the kiddo work was implied when i shifted from working to SAHM when The Girl was born. Now that we have Bitty Boy, he still doesn’t get up during the night, but he does help a LOT with bath and bedtime routines for The Girl while I get Bitty Boy ready for bed. I nursed them both, too, and only pumped enough to stash for daytime outings, not nighttime feedings, so theres that too. Basically, we have the same arrangement, but it’s because I instituted it. I know he’d get up if I asked him, but he knows I won’t, too. Well, I might in a rare insane case, but mostly, no.
Aw! I hope Sophie feels better soon! We don’t have kids, but when we were potty training our puppy we lived in an apartment and it was both of us out there in the middle of the night, I had a flash light and he had the poop scoop. If it was my husband then I would have told him that if he wants to go back to 1950’s, next time he has an allergy attack he needs to man up and still do all of his duties like men did back then. There was no “hubby babying.” Of course, it would be hard for him to go to work after a rough night, but doesn’t he do that anyways when the station has concerts/events during the week? You are a team, and just because he works outside of the home doesn’t mean you are not working just as hard at home. Maybe he was just being grumpy and he’ll come home with some great take-out and give you a break!
PS. Whenever I feel like I can’t take life anymore I take deep breaths and repeat. “Be still and know that I am God” over and over until I feel better. And Natasha, I hope you know what a great mommy and wife you are. It is transparent how much you love your family and how strong you are for them.
I know it sucks but I agree with P. Not everything is 50/50 (as much as i would like it to be). He took care of your pup’s remains by himself right? Maybe he helps when he gets home from work by ordering dinner, playing with the girls, rub your feet? Your doing great and in a blink of an eye your needy little babies wont be needy or even want you anymore!! Hang in there…your a great mom and wife!
You are absolutely not the only one who struggles with their husband over getting up with the baby. It’s not fair at all. You would think that he could get through on a day with limited sleep. But you are raising little minds!!! You need your rest as much as, if not more than, he does! Why do they have to be like that?? Ugh!!A
I used to get up with the kids but now my husband does. He’s also one that’s always thought (his father was the same way) that poopy diapers were too gross for a woman to have to deal with so he would change them any time he was home. We have grandbabies now and he mainly cares for them when they are over. We take care of them a few times a week. (He’s 44, I’m 42, we had our daughters very young). I can’t complain and sometimes feel guilty but I also have MS and another weird health condition so he doesn’t want me to stress. I do think going to a “job” rather than the job of staying home with the kids is not as stressful as staying home. You get to have a lunch break to yourself, work by yourself and have a lot less to contend with than a couple of toddlers running amuck. I think it should be a shared responsibility. You both work and you are not paid for what you do. Just my opinion…..
I came across your blog on Pinterest……
I go to school and work, and my husband works. I used to SAH. I always get up with the baby, and my husband gets up with the older kids. Of course, the baby gets up more often, but at least it’s a little bit of sharing.
I’m sorry everyone has been sick, I know how much that sucks.
as a BFing mama, I got all the feedings. So that made me also care for them in the middle of the night! We have three girls now and when they were sick, thankfully it was only two at a time, I would wake him when I needed him. He got the easy job as being the bathtub lifegaurd. So pretty much I let him sleep, he gets up to work. Then I can always slack on the housework.. even though at sometime I will have to take care of it. Ugh, and he wonders while I am always ready for bed early!
I can see where he is coming from. However, its definitely unfair for stay at home moms to ALWAYS be the one to get up at night. Its one thing when you only have one baby and you can sleep all the next day. But you also have an active 3 year old who you have to chase after! Luckily our girls both love their sleep. But with that said, this is how it goes in our house… if someone wakes up on a week night its almost always me who gets up. Simply because my husband works 10-12 hour days and is a machinist. If he is tired and hits the wrong button, he may just loose an arm. So I choose not to risk that! But when the weekend comes… you bet he gets up and takes his turn. I’d punch him otherwise. 🙂
I don’t know if you will get this comment but I deeply sympathise. I have an 8month old and recently pretty much a breakdown in mum standards (coping but DEEPLY annoyed, stressed and unhappy) and my husband is now showing signs of helping. I doubt it will continue but I am SO gratefull for just one or two nights being able to sleep through…. and the moaning the next day!! He says how much he would love to stay home and look after our son- I just have to laugh. He would crumble in a week.
All I can say is men. I shouldn’t have expected more… but he is brilliant when he helps. I just wish it would happen more often!!
Chin up. We battle on! =)
I work full time and I get up with my daugher 99% of the time in the middle of the night. I am also the one who stays home from work when she is sick (like a week in Nov. when she had pneumonia!). However, mostly that is because my husband is self-employed and I have paid time off. Either way, NO, I dont think it’s fair, but I think that is the way it goes most of the time. If men had to stay with the kids for one day, I think THEN they would shower you with kisses! (Especially if the day was a “sick kid day”!) But you have a right to get upset-that is normal.
Sory to hear about Sophie!!
I’m with you on the 50/50 deal when splitting up the parenting duties. I’m a working mom (outside of the home) and yet I’m always stuck with the middle of the night duties. It’s certainly not fair, but I just look at it as more time with my kids —- since I’m always feeling that time with them is so small since I work outside the home.