Parker C. Sheltie 2002-2012
Parker passed away on Saturday night. It’s very hard to talk about (but also feels strangely comforting to talk about) but I did want to share this, because I truly believe it is a blessing….
We did one shot of chemo this past Wednesday. Within a day we noticed Parker was getting some feeling back in his hindquarters. By Friday he was completely using the bathroom outside again which we thought was such a good sign. And I’m sure made him happy not to wear that stupid diaper anymore. By Friday night his appetite started decreasing some & his belly seemed a little swollen but he was overall in such better spirits that we wrote it off as the chemo making him nauseous. On Saturday we took the girls to the aquarium & then came home & grilled steaks in afternoon. Parker gladly ate a good bit, we even got a few sheltie spins out of him. After dinner we took the girls to get ice-cream & when we pulled in the driveway we saw Parker run to the door & start barking at us through the window. I commented to P on how nice it was to see him acting like an a-hole again.
Later that night I gave him his meds but then couldn’t get him to eat any food with them. It’s really important with his medications to take them with food or they’ll make him sick. Since his stomach had already been such a wreck I started getting nervous that the medicine on an empty stomach could make him get sick all night. I turned to Facebook for suggestions from you guys & finally sent P out to get the dog a hamburger & fries. He took a couple of nibbles & refused anymore. I don’t remember exactly why but P & I got in an argument. I started crying, acting like an emotional wreck & finally just cried that the last several months have been too much. It’s too much pressure, too much responsibility…my whole world felt so out of control & I couldn’t take it anymore. The “fight” (more like my meltdown & P just taking it & apologizing for what, he probably had no idea) ended because we were both too tired to keep at it. Not 15 minutes later Parker started doing the doggie gagging thing. I guided him off the livingroom rug & onto the wood floor where the hamburger made it’s re-appearance. I kept my hands on him rubbing his back until he seemed to be done. I asked P to keep an eye on him while I grabbed the paper towels because for whatever reason our dogs tend to throw up again, and do so on the carpet, while we’re cleaning up the first mess. I came back to the livingroom, stepped over our sleeping golden retriever, & started to clean up the throw-up when Parker took a few steps across the livingroom towards P who was sitting in an armchair on the other end of the room. We both watched to see if he was going to gag again but instead he just fell over in mid-step. One of us gasped, I’m not sure who. I leapt over to him & put my hands on him. He was clearly having a seizure. I remember yelling to Peter, “He’s having a seizure! What do we do?! What do we do?!” I cried for Peter to call the vet but somehow he knew this wasn’t going to be something Parker would recover from so he sat there. I cried out “he’s dying!” & within what felt like one second, he was gone. He died right there, in my hands. I swear I saw the second in his eyes where the life left. I stood up, took a few steps backwards & turned my back towards Parker. I never wanted to see what my sweet dog looked like again now that I knew he was gone. Peter came over & grabbed me & I sobbed in his arms. I ran to the bathroom & threw up. I cried a while longer & then got a grip enough to call the vet hospital to ask what we should do next, they said to bring him & they could return his ashes to us.
What happened over the next hour was actually quite beautiful in a terrible way.
I desperately did not want anything to do with the things that needed to be done next & without any words my wonderfully strong, amazing husband took care of it all. He found a blanket for Parker (it was actually a pink sheet which made me laugh a bit because we always joked about what a pretty man Parker was) wrapped him in it & placed him in the back of the car. All the while I stayed in the bathroom with Lucy, our golden retriever, & the door shut. He came back in, let me know he was leaving & told me to go upstairs, he would take care of it all. And he did. After what must have been a horrible car ride (he later told me he had no idea what music to play, I think he settled on a random 70’s show) he took care of all of the arrangements for Parker’s body. He then came home, cleaned up the mess that things leave when they die, rolled up the livingroom room rug & took it outside. (I had said in my hysteria that we had to get rid of the rug, I couldn’t stand to ever see the place he died on again)
While he was gone I thought to myself, “My gosh Natasha, what more could you ever want in a partner? When times are terrible THIS is what you need. HE is what I need. What a wonderful, selfless, loving man you have. Who the hell cares that he throws his dirty clothes on the floor or forgets to do the things you ask. Someone has to do the horrible things like take care of the dead family dog’s body & he did it. He volunteered. The rest doesn’t matter. THIS is what a marriage is. ” This is a good, strong man. One who I also know is very upset about what just happened to a piece of our family but with his quiet strength I realized that yes, I may lead by taking care of the everyday family responsibilities but this man is our true rock. When I was shaken to my core he held me up. He is our foundation and I am very very lucky.
The days that followed have been harder than I prepared myself to be. Yesterday I found myself randomly feeling like I was sucker punched in the gut & would just start sobbing. I think the most I went without crying was an hour. I didn’t expect to feel so heart-broken. To actually grieve. I kept thinking, “My goodness, he was just a dog! People’s children are dying of cancer & you can’t keep from breaking into tears when you look out the window & see his favorite bush to pee on?! Get a grip!” I shared this with P at one point & he told me “No, it’s ok to be sad. It’s ok to be devastated. You loved him & he was a part of our family. Let yourself be ok with how sad you really are.”
So I did.
I bawled my eyes out all day yesterday & today, today I actually woke up feeling a little less wounded. No more tears. (Until I had to dig up the picture for this post. But I love that picture, it signifies a great memory between he & I) Yesterday & today have been some of the sunniest, most beautiful weather days we’ve had this year & today I woke up feeling like for the first time in a long time it was all going to be ok. I woke up feeling relief. I took the girls to the zoo & we looked at all the amazing animals God has placed on this Earth. I had the thought that Parker was no different, he was a beautiful creation of God’s that I like to think he made just for me. A true gift, for 10 great years.
When I reflect on what happened this weekend I know that it really was a merciful act of God. He knew our little family & our little dog could not bear this weight anymore. He truly does not give you more than you can bear. Remember last week how I was saying I was so struggling with the decision as to when to put Parker to sleep? I really didn’t think I could ever make that choice & I believe God knew that, & showed me mercy. He took Parker so quickly & I believe, painlessly. My beautiful, wonderful dog left this world with grace & surrounded by everyone who loved him. His mom, his dad & his sister Lucy. All right there with him. And for us there were no drawn out decisions & our girls knew nothing of it. I can’t ask for more than that.
We told Sam in the morning that Parker had died last night & she said “Ok.” She had far more questions about where the rug went. I guess 3 is too young to know which once again, I see as a blessing. If chemo had worked & he had lived another year I’m sure this would’ve been harder for her.
Thank you all for your loving comments & emails. If you want to leave a positive note than by all means do so but please no more apologies for our grief or messages of sadness. I read them all & truly appreciated hearing your stories, at the time they helped greatly but now I want to heal & move on. I don’t want to dwell on the sadness. I just want to focus on my new found respect & appreciation for my family & move on with the lessons I’ve learned.
Thank you for sharing. Sometimes it’s the best therapy. 🙂
THANK YOU, for sharing!!!
God always takes care of us when we need him. Enjoyed reading what a wonderful part of your life Parker was!
My heartfelt condolences on your loss.
🙂 Maybe not today, but someday soon, trust that you will be laughing about him and recounting funny and silly stories of how much Parker brought to your life. And you will find yourself doing it with a smile. It is how I think about our “Puck”–and it is good now.
…Those silly dogs. They have no idea of the great impact they have on us. What an incredible power they have…
~all shall be well. <3
Those damn dogs, they have such a way or worming their way in don’t they?
I have a cat who thinks he is a dog and is 18 1/2 years old! He won’t live forever but the every day “funnies” will never be forgotten. How lucky we are to have these wonderful furkids in our lives!
Natasha, I am so sorry to hear about the loss of Parker….. Just like children, animals are a blessing from god. They are so perfectly loyal!! I truly believe they bring us more love than we deserve. I am happy that you have been able to love him as much as he loved you. You will always have your memories! You are grieving because you have just lost an important part of your family. May god bless you and your family love. Take care, and I will continue to pray that god eases your pain a little at a time.
I am a long time lurker but this post made me “come out.” I am a dog person and I know what that feels like. When I was in college my golden retriever died in my arms. It was a blessing but horrible all at once. Parker was a member of the family and truly loved. It’s ok to miss him but at least he is at peace now. Spend some time paying a little extra attention to your golden. It is harder on the other dogs than I think we realize. Hang in there.
This. This was beautiful. You had me in tears, and I felt like I was there with you guys through it.
I love how you take a really sad event, feel what you need to feel (and don’t deny yourself your real feelings), and then learn the lessons that you have been given. I’m a mental health therapist and was most impressed that you seem to innately know how to go through the therapeutic process that so many others struggle with; mostly because in the moment, they deny themselves that gift of feeling and push it away. Crying is okay. Crying is therapeutic. You mention that P is the rock in your marriage, but from an outsider looking in (with only the information you share), it seems like your partnership is the rock, not either of you individually. And that was exactly the reminder that I needed to hear so badly today. You have no idea what a gift that reminder has been to me and my own marriage.
Thank you, what you said about partnership being the rock of a our marriage is really beautiful. I’m going to carry that with me today.
I’m so sorry for you and your family’s loss. I can only imagine how you’re feeling right now. Thinking of you guys through this difficult time. (((((((HUGS))))))))
Glad you are finally feeling better about the situation! Every day will get easier. Think about how happy Parker is up there in doggy heaven!
And you are so lucky to have such an amazing husband.
This was BEAUTIFUL. Yo are an amazing woman and to find such a positive thing in this, well, let’s just say it takes a special kind of person. You both seem to be the perfect pair from everything that you share with your readers and you are very lucky to have each other. I am sure he feels the same way about you in certain situations. Hugs to your family and if you have never read the Rainbow Bridge, you should. It will make you cry, but it brought me peace and I am sure it will to you too!
Your positivity is absolutely contagious! Happy smiles to you and your family, this was a beautiful thing to read.
Sounds like you an AMAZING husband. Mine would NEVER have done that. It would have turned into a horrible fight.
My heart goes out to you all and am crying as I am reading this. My family is going through the something similar right now with our 10 year old English Springer Spaniel. We will most likely be putting her down sometime this week. Unfortunately my kids are 8,11 and 15 and are devastated. We also have a Golden Retriever who is 4.
My husband has already said he will take her to the vet when it is time. Thank God for this because I know I couldn’t do.
Thank you for your great posts.
What a beautiful heartfelt post, this is the type of post that keeps me gravitating back to LPM. Here I was, stressing about silly things and suddenly, after reading this, I feel grounded. At the core of life’s craziness you manage to give perspective and shine light on what’s really important. I truly loved reading this; thank you for sharing!!!!!!!! Sending lots of possitive and happy thoughts your way!!!! Here’s to moving on and being stronger for it. 🙂
To echo what others have already said, this was a beautiful post. Tears ran down my cheeks as I read your words. The tears were those of grief as I read about Parker’s last moments, and then they turned to tears of gratitude as I read how your husband cared for you and your family afterwards. Nobody should have to go through that kind of grief alone, and even though I don’t know you, I’m so glad that you didn’t have to.
I just went through this same thing two weeks before Christmas, when i lost my beloved little pug, Piper Penelope. It has been so hard and I still miss her ever single day. But, like Parker, she was very sick, and like you I was not sure how to make the decision to let go. Thankfully, Natasha, our friends knew that and let go for us.
I truely believe I will never get over losing Piper completely. But I love what you said about Parker being put here just for you. Piper was just for me. I feel like she was here to teach me something bigger – that loss and grief are not the end. That it is okay to give everything you have to someone, even if it hurts. That the good things that our friends taught us and the special memories that we have out weigh the hurt you are feeling right now.
It is okay to cry – and it is okay for your kids to see you sad sometimes. But it will get easier with time. The hole in your heart will heal a little bit – it will feel less raw and gaping with time, even though I can’t say if it will ever feel whole again. You will live, and you get to keep the memories of your baby and pull them out whe you need them.
Safe journey, Parker. It is easy to see you will be missed by many and loved forever. Say hi to my sweet girl if you see her around. <3
Thank you Allison, how you felt about Piper is exactly how I feel.
Hey Natasha, thanks for sharing!!! It really truly was such a beautiful post… When I opened your page off the bookmarks tab today, and saw a huge picture of Parker up I had an immediate lump in my throat but your strength and positivity has turned it around. Good Luck to you and yours, praying for you! <3
Thank you so much for sharing this!
awww Natasha — what a beautiful and sad post. You have me in tears at my desk at work LOL, but seriously, so sorry for your lost but I’m so glad you’re feeling better and a good cry is very awesome to have to just let everything out! I always feel so much better after one and I’m glad you have the best husband in the world to understand and support you. Much love to you!! <3
Just wanted to send some hugs your way as you mourn the loss of Parker. Pets are such an incredible part of our lives..
Your ability to see the bright side in something so dark is kind of inspiring. I completely agree, having to make the decision to put a pet down or not is an impossible choice. Such a blessing he went on his own. And leaving you with a new found respect for your husband… Perhaps that was his last gift to you 🙂 Also, thank goodness that this all happened while your girls were asleep. Giving you the freedom to react naturally, and not have to pretend everything is OK when its not. I would have done the same thing with the rug… you need to remember Parker for his life. Not his death.
Sending hugs your way! We lost our beloved black lab recently to stomach cancer. It is hard – just hold on to the memories – you will never lose those!!
How fortunate we are to get to love these little creatures. They bring so much to our lives and leave us better people – more empathetic, kinder, calmer and quicker to laugh at the ridiculousness of it all. On top of that, he reminded you of what a wonderful husband you have. This was a lovely post that brought tears to my eyes. I can’t wait to get home and give my dog a hug.
I’m so sorry. You are not silly (in my opinion) — when my first dog (as an adult) died, I cried for three days straight. My family was so worried I had gone off the deep end, but it was just so SAD. I know you loved him very much. Much love and peace to you.
P.S. You’re right about your husband.
I am so sorry about your dog. My best to you and your family during this difficult time.
I’m so sorry to hear this 🙁
At least he will no longer be in pain and he got to enjoy a nice day with his family.
Thank you so much for sharing such an intimate moment with all of us. Your post gives me hope that I can find a husband one day who will be that strong for me when I need him to be. It gives me hope that I will find the strength to move on once my beautiful bunnies cross over to the rainbow bridge. I know without a doubt that Parker knew how much you loved him and that leaving this earth in your arms was the perfect end to a great life. God absolutely does not give us anything we cannot handle and I do truly believe that He knew this was what was best for everyone.
Keep healing and always remember what a great dog Parker was.
I think you are so strong for even being able to write this today. What a hard thing to go through as a family, and Peter is right.. it is ok to be devastated. Anyone who has lost an animal understands that.
I don’t want to focus on the sadness since you asked not to… just wanted to tell you how well-written this was. It was so emotional, I could feel your pain. I had to stop halfway through bc I couldn’t see through my tears!
I love that you were able to see the beautiful weather and notice other positive things after such a loss. You are one tough mom, whether you think so or not! 🙂
Lots of love!
Thank you Shanna, I appreciate the compliment (:
Tears are streaming down my face. Pups so much more than a pet. I’m sorry for your loss it will get easier.
Oh my heavens. I cannot imagine. I cried reading it and I don’t even have a dog. Peter sounds like a dream. Smoothies for the kids in the am and doing that? Wow. I am so sorry Parker had to suffer so much but it is a gift he was not alone when he died, but with you, who loved him so much. I hope you give yourself the space to grieve. What a wonderful life to have been loved so much. Parker was a most fortunate dog.
Natasha, I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my beloved 13 year old Westie 2 months ago and it was definitely a hard one. I grew up with my dog ever since I was in middle school and after I moved away to college my parents were the ones to take care of him. I hardly every got to see him. Whenever I would go home for break I was so excited to see him. The first question I asked my parents before my flight home was if they were going to bring Tyler to the airport so I could see him as soon as possible.
Tyler’s death was pretty sudden. He had been doing okay through the end of last year and when I saw him during the Christmas holiday he was his normal cheerful self. All of a sudden when I was home the following weekend for my Grandma’s funeral he took a turn for the worst. He was slow moving and yelping in pain. I was so sad to leave him because I knew it was probably the last time I would see him. A week later my Dad called me early Saturday morning to tell me that Tyler started seizing and passed away in his arms. My parents decided to get Tyler cremated as well. They are waiting for when I return home to spread his ashes in the places he loved to play, aka the backyard and where we always took him for walks. It definitely took me a good two to three weeks to stop crying about it and get over him. I now have pictures of him all over my apartment. He’s the background on my phone and my work computer. It took some time to be able to put those pictures up but just know you will be able to get there, I promise!
Oh Natasha my heart is breaking for you guy’s right now. I’ve been through this. I understand fully how your heart is breaking. Kane is right, it is ok to be sad. I was for months, everytime I thought of my sweet angel I would want to cry. I still to this day can’t watch a video of him and it’s been 4 yrs now. Your heart will ache, but it’s ok you’re only human.
Shawna
“When the best things are not possible, may the best be made of those that are.”
Keep your head up and remember the good times!
With the good comes the bad. As a dog lover this brought me to tears. I have no idea what I would ever do if either of my pups passed away, but such is life.
This entry if made into a movie would make millions, you’d obviously have to include all the funny antics of kane & kids 😉
Good luck with the journey ahead as I know there will be hard times but have belief that with a great husband and kids to back you up, you’ll conquer the world!
You can name the movie “Parker & Me” sounds familiar doesn’t it 😉
Wow, what a wonderfully written post. I think you are incredibly strong for being able to write about this–thank you so much for sharing your heart with us. I will be keeping you and your family in my prayers.
So sorry for your family’s loss.
I cried my eyes out but thank you so much for sharing your story. My dog is seven now and just room him to the vet for a growth on his eye that they said could be the start of melanoma. I said to myself this is the start of many other health problems as he ages. All you can do is show them the love we have for them and try and do what is best for them.
I’ve never commented on a blog as often as I have on yours (albeit it’s only 2 or 3 times!) but I feel in sync with your posts. You’re wonderfully talented at expressing yourself and so brave to open up the way you do! Showing your weakness in parallel with all your strengths as a mother and woman remind me that I can be a hot mess and a champ in the same day. Thank you for sharing, you’re a great part of my week!
Hot mess & champ at the same time…I like that…I like that a lot actually
First I saw the message on twitter and had to leave
some condolences then I read the blog post. Such
wonderful memories we will all have of Parker through Peter
on the radio. You could hear the love. Sending big hugs to
you and the family. You are doing exactly what you need to
do right now. Reflect, rejoice and renew in your own time.
Oh man…I cried for you guys. I’m glad God spared you and Parker any further pain. What a special pup.
Sounds like he inherited my dad’s best qualities. The way you described P’s reaction, you could have been describing my dad in this same situation with our childhood dog Farley. When you make the decision to be a pet owner you’re opening yourself up to his horrible moment. But this moment is so small compared to the rest of his amazing life where he was loved better than most people. He was the luckiest dog to have you as a family.
i have my childhood dog’s tag on my key chain. i couldn’t part with it after he passed away 10 years ago. he was my best bed. it catches my eye now and then and always brings a smile.
it’s the worst advice because it always takes so long – but time will heal your pain. parker loved you (and P and your girls) probably more than you all loved him. just remember – you gave him a wonderful, wonderful life.
and as for what P did – what a wonderful, wonderful husband. we should all be so lucky.
thinking of you – i’m so sorry for your loss.
Natasha- probably the greatest lesson I learned about my husband over the years is that he lets me do most of the directing, most of the time. But, there is that 1% of the time where he knows when to jump in and take the reins without me even asking. That 1% saves me every time. I totally empathize with the perspective you gained through this experience and love how you so eloquently framed it in such an emotional moment. Just when you thought you couldn’t love him any more than you already did…
Thanks for sharing. It’s a post I think people will relate to infinitely.
PS I always wonder how my pups or cats will go. When you have to make the decision for them it’s that much harder, lots of “I wonder if…” I think in this case you can safely say “There was nothing more…” and that too is a wonderful gift from this!
Natasha,
Your excellent writing made me feel like I was there with you guys at that very moment. You are an amazing, and just as you say that you are so lucky to have P as your life partner, he is blessed to have you as well. I am very glad to hear that Sam is also doing well and took it lightly.
love and blessings!
Thank you for this! I am the mom to a 2 yr old shih-tzu (The Gizmo) and last summer he had an allergic reaction to a bee sting (who knew?!) his lungs began collapsing and I went bananas, I mean I was straight out of a “young and the restless” funeral seen. Thankfully The Giz is okay but for those long helpless hours I was sick! Never knew I could be so attached to a four legged nuisance who’s poop I have to scoop. You are more than welcome to borrow The Giz any day of the week! Smile (Parker’s watching you)
When we put our dog down, my mom made a list of all of her favorite things about our dog and sent it as an email to all of us. We each added to the list and it led to a great happy cry as well as a way to remember all of the good things instead of how he felt at the end.
Watch out for loneliness in your other dog. Even though our dogs weren’t exactly friends, our other dog was really depressed the few weeks after our dog passed. We ended up rescuing a dog two weeks later because he fell into our lap from our friend at the SPCA and it was the best thing for our surviving dog.
And we threw away his tall dog bowls after he passed, we couldn’t look at them afterwards. Totally understand the rug situation.
Toasty
what a great story. i really could tell how much Parker meant to you. and i am an avid listener to P’s show and i really can tell how much you two care for each other. and i can tell how much that he is there for you. you do have a great husband there. i totally know what are you going threw. i am not saying sorry for you lost cause i know just want to heal and move. i am in the same boat right now. i lost my mom on Feb 11th and people keep asking how i am and i am getting tired of it. and based on what i read you are a strong woman and you have a loving husband and you will get over this.
hugs,
Dan
I’m so sorry Dan, that’s awful.
Thank you for sharing your story about the love you have for Parker, your family and your wonderful husband. God bless! What a great picture of Parker!
What a beautiful amazing dog! Be thankful (as I am with my doggie) for all the joy, laughs and funny quirks they all have. I’m so sure he is playing and having a grand old time in heaven!
I first want tO say I am deeply sorry for your familys loss. I hear Kane talk everyday and hearing about you and the girls and the dogs.. It’s odd but I truly know your pain. March is not my favorite month.. Since 2008… My family has lost someone in march. Violentlyy brother in 2009 and just yesterday my grandmother in the phillipines past away. Please know the pain you described is the same pain we felt Please know that I am sending love hugs and prayers to you and the family. Losing Parker means you did lose a family member so it is touching that you would share your grief with us. I hope that you know we are with you…..
I’m so sorry for your loss Nicole, thinking of you…
Thank you for sharing that. The saying “Dogs are a man’s best friend” is really true. RIP Parker. 🙂
I am truly sorry for your loss, but thank you for sharing this hard moment in your life. I am also dealing with an ailing dog. My “old man” as I call my 13 year old shin tzu has been with me since high school through my now late 20’s. It can definitely be challenging at times (he’s going blind and has other medical issues), but I can’t imagine my life without him. You story had me in tears, but was inspiring as well. Parker lived a happy life with a loving family and good home… What more can a dog or anyone ask for? I will miss hearing stories about him on the Kane Show!
I am so happy to read that you are feeling like you are starting to be in a better place. I personally love to remind myself of the good times I had with my cat of 15 yrs. She was always there for me when I needed her, in exactly the right way. I will always have comfort in that, and I hope that you will always cherish your memories of Parker. I am also so relieved for you that you did not have to make a difficult decision, that God made it for you.
And I have to say–isn’t it wonderful when you really see that the person you have chosen to be your life partner is really the one? The way they can stand up and take care of everything you need, in your time of need? It always amazes me to see and hear of those experiences. My husband and I have them, and I am truly blessed for that too.
I hope that you continue to be at peace, that you can remember the happier times you had with Parker. 🙂
Thank you so much for sharing your story. It sounds like you’ve got a great husband–I’m glad there was something so positive for you to help you through. It’s wonderful that you’re starting to heal, and that you were able to take a new appreciation of your family from the experience. It’s funny how dogs and kitties manage to help us see things differently, appreciate things more, and teach us lessons, without even trying!! The weather is beautiful the past few days, and I’m sure Parker is enjoying it along with you from up in heaven. May the sun continue to warm you as you heal and cover all your good memories in a golden light to stay with you in your heart. ::hugs::
I want to thank you for your words. They have, in the same vein, strengthened me and assured me – and you don’t even know me! God does work in miraculous ways. I needed to remember how strong and loving my own husband is, on a day when I am thinking that something’s got to give. I needed to be reminded of my own husband’s quiet strength as he helped me deal with my very own dying dog, years ago. I needed to connect with someone about the feelings of guilt and deep sadness I still carry with me from making the decision to end the pain and misery of my beloved pup. So thank you for sharing all of the nasty details because within them I have done some of my own healing. It is amazing the hurts we all carry with us. But even more amazing is how we are somehow connected in those hurts! Anyway, love your blog! Especially the Spinach Sausage Soup! : )
Thank you so much for sharing that Annah, it makes it all worth it to go through sharing something so personal to know that it helped someone else.
I am so sorry for your loss.
A Little Dog Angel
High up in the courts of heaven today
a little dog angel waits;
with the other angels he will not play,
but he sits alone at the gates.
“For I know my master will come” says he,
“and when he comes he will call for me.”
The other angels pass him by
As they hurry toward the throne,
And he watches them with a wistful eye
as he sits at the gates alone.
“But I know if I just wait patiently
that someday my master will call for me.”
And his master, down on earth below,
as he sits in his easy chair,
forgets sometimes, and whispers low
to the dog who is not there.
And the little dog angel cocks his ears
and dreams that his master’s voice he hears.
And when at last his master waits
outside in the dark and cold,
for the hand of death to open the door,
that leads to those courts of gold,
he will hear a sound through the gathering dark,
a little dog angel’s bark.
Noah M. Holland
I read your beautiful words and I am so sorry for your loss. I work at an animal hospital and have been exposed to loved pets passing away. Even as a technician, I always cry when it’s a pets time. His memory will always live on and time will help, just know that he is not in pain or suffering any more.
You are an amazingly strong woman! Thank you for sharing your family with us. Parker was truly blessed to have been a part of your family, as were you to have him in your life. God bless you all!
Blessings to you and your family as you get through the next weeks and move toward some wholeness. What a gift your little guy gave you at the very end, a new appreciation of your life and your husband and your family. I hope you can celebrate Parker and his gifts to you and your fam — personally, I am going to honor him by taking our girl for a walk right now.
hey girl- iVE followed you for about a yr now… YOU ROCK IT GIRL and GO FORWARD… many blessings and you sure had one for sure… love and peace
Cricket
Hi natasha im so sorry for the loss of your family pet my condolences to you and the family.
Bravo for your wonderful husband… And for “the grace”…
Aww, I’ll bet he’s having the time of his life now! I don’t know if you believe in Heaven, but if you do it makes for some wonderful visions and pictures to smile about! I remember when I had to let my Great Dane Sierra go suddenly, and I remember just holding her in the last hour and reminiscing about all the fun we’d had together, and then once she went, I told her to “fly away Ole’ Girl!” and have spent a great deal of time picturing all the fun adventures she’s on now, and that I’ll get to hear about once I get to be with her again 🙂
They definitely steal our hearts, but they also fully give us theirs, so you’re not really apart from each other 🙂
Yeah, my eyes watered while reading this because all pet owners know how snuggled into our hearts those furry, feathered, or scaled companions get. Hell, I still get down over this tinytiny puppy one of my mother’s show dogs birthed that I dubbed Bon-bon due to her size and dull markings. Sadly no matter how much extra effort my family put into caring for that puppy, she got asphyxiation pneumonia two weeks after birth and the infection was too strong for her. The most interesting thing(and painful) was that even as she was passing away and couldn’t take deep breaths, she’d put up a fuss unless someone was holding her. There is a bit of comfort in fading out while being held, so it warms my heart that your pup got that from you.
I do hope you are feeling better even if it hasn’t been that long. I’ll also listen to the Kane Show with new fondness because your husband sounds like someone I want to hug for his adorableness and strength.
On a happier note I adore Parker’s brown muzzle spots because any dog with quirky markings is a great dog. Also, I giggled that your dog did twirls like my Dash does. I’ve grown up with shelties all my life due to my mom’s hobby and none of them have twirled until we got my Dash-man. He manages to twirl at high velocity! Good to know my dog isn’t so crazy after all.
Aw, thanks Ash. P always teased Parker that he must have ‘fallen in a paint bucket’ because of his spots. I can remember exactly where each one was. (:
Does your mom still breed shelties? We’ve been toying with the thought of getting a puppy…Lucy needs a buddy.
Yes, my mom still breeds and shows shelties since it’s her expensive hobby. All of Bon-Bon’s sisters are doing just fine ad are happy little fluffs. One pup has gone to a pet home and three remain. Two my mom is going to grow out to see if they stay in size and all that jazz to be show dogs while the fourth puppy is already an inch over size. She’s nine weeks old today and a sable like Parker was. If you are interested, I can e-mail you my mother’s contact number.
Herp derp, didn’t even hit the proper reply spot. Since this is your blog site Natasha, does it show you the e-mails of who posts here?
Beautifully written and a heartfelt piece of love in so many levels. Thanks for sharing.
As others have said, one day you will tell stories of Parker and look back on your time with him and smile and laugh. It’s been almost 5 years since the dog I grew up with died and even though I still miss him I more so than anything smile every time I think of him. You’re right, you do have a good husband. Which made me think that my husband is the same too. Constantly forgetful and messy but also constantly there for me in times of need. xoxo
We just had to put our family pet down yesterday after some sudden health issues arose and it has been harder than I could have ever imagined. This morning I immediately thought to come to your blog and re-read this entry to give myself some sort of peace and feel like I had some grieving companionship. Thank you so much for sharing your life with all of us. You will probably never know how many little differences you make!
I’m so so sorry for your loss Amanda. I still think about Parker every day & while it does get easier the sadness does still pop it’s head up from time to time. I’m really happy to hear my post helped you a little, thinking of you & praying for some comfort & peace for you. I know it sucks. ):
Animals are so special. I remember when our one dog passed away at home, our other dog sat by his side the entire time. It was as if he knew something was wrong.
Dogs especially have an instinct about sadness that I still can not believe. Even when I am in a sad mood by dog will sit next to me and stare as if saying “what is wrong mommy.”
They are just like children and will always be special to you.
That is oh so true Kelliann, Parker always came up and sat his head in my lap when he would see my crying…
Natasha, your ability to write out your pain and grief while going through this process was really wonderful. You are a phenomenal writer.
This beautiful post reminded me of when I had to finally let my Golden, Chelsea, go. She was a wonderfully goofy Golden Retriever, one of those dogs that are actually a member of the family, not just a dog. Many people do not receive the gift that our Father gives us — the ability to see our pet as a genuine being with a soul and their own personality. People who close off their feelings of grief because it was “just an animal,” do not receive the other gift the Father gives us: being able to remember their personalities and your relationship with them with laughter and love. It wasn’t “just an animal;” Parker was a member of your family.
The other thing Natasha, is I hope you realize that being able to be there when your beloved breathes their last is both a huge act of love, to be there with them as they pass through to the next dimension, and it’s the hardest thing you can do for anyone you dearly love. I’m glad I was able to tell Chelsea how much I love her, how much my girls love her, and what a good, good girl she was. I knew I was relieving her pain (she was in the final stage of Cushings disease, was blind, was too weak to walk on hardwood or go up and down stairs, and was ashamed of not being able to “go outside” to do her business. While I know it was the right thing to do, it took me days to realize that I hadn’t killed my dog. I released her from her pain and suffering. Years later, the experience with releasing Chelsea helped me with my Mom’s DNR. Through our tears, we let her go, but we made sure to tell her as she transitioned that she was a wonderful mother, grandmother, and wife, and that we will always love her. When she left us, we sent her with song and love.
So celebrate Parker’s place in your family, and cry your tears of grief. I believe they still are aware “over there” of how we are doing. I work from home, like you. I had a very stressful job, and many times when I felt the stress was going to make me stroke out, I would feel a weight drop to the floor, and lay against my chair, as she did whenever she felt I needed to know someone was there with me. I would relax, knowing she was with me. She also slept by my bed, literally laying at the edge of the frame, so I could get in and out of bed, and could reach down at night and stroke her beautiful orange-red fur. After her death, for a long time, I would find myself awake, waiting, waiting to hear her sigh and lay on the floor beside the bed. One night, the day again a horrific day, as I fretfully tried to go to sleep, in that twilight between this world and dreamland, I felt her lay down with a sigh. I was able to travel easier into the night, knowing that she was still with me, still guarding me and my girls.
It’s been many years since I felt her presence so physically, but I know she’s still here. She will always be with us as long as we remember her and love her. It took me years to get another dog, because I felt it was disrespecting Chelsea. But what I’ve found, is it’s just like having more children — your heart expands to love them all.
God bless you, Natasha!
Wow, thank you so much. Parker has been on my heart so much lately, it’s been over a year since he passed but lately he crosses my mind constantly. I still miss him terribly.
Your comment was beautiful & although I’m writing this through teary eyes it was very comforting to hear & I thank you.
Also I’m so terribly sorry for your loss of both Chelsea & your mom. I can’t even imagine.
Thank you again for having the strength to share such a personal comment, hugs!!!
Thank you for sharing this story. My husband and I found out last night that our guy AO has hemangiosarcoma which is a very aggressive cancer with a poor prognosis. Today he has been having a good day. I gave him a ham bone which he stayed awake and ate all day instead of his normal napping all day. He is snoozing next to me now as I right this. Although he is acting like his normal self, I know that underneath his body is fighting a battle that it will lose in 6-8 weeks if not sooner. I feel like I should be making the most out of his last weeks with us, but I am not sure how, but sitting here listening to him here snoring next to me seems like a pretty good start.
Aw geez, I’m so sorry Erin. I know exactly how you feel. My advice is soak up all of those memories like you’re doing right now. Those last few weeks I finally spent a lot of time just petting him & letting him lay on the couch with us every day, now that he’s gone I can’t tell you how grateful I am for those memories of spending quality time loving on him those last few weeks. We still talk about him constantly and miss him a lot. It does get better though although you never forget them. (: