We all need grace.
We all fall short, despite our best intentions & if we’re lucky, although undeserved, the person we’ve wronged will choose to show us grace.
I’ve learned over the years that this is not my natural inclination. Often when I’m wronged, especially if it’s been by a man, I’ve felt an overwhelming need to stand up for myself. I think, “You can’t let him treat you this way, if you don’t punish them they’ll take advantage of you again.” It’s taken a long time, 33 years of life & 6 years of marriage to be exact, but a little light bulb has recently turned on in my head. I don’t need to act that way, perhaps if I choose to trust that person, to forgive & show grace then that gesture could benefit our relationship far more than standing my ground ever could.
I’ve been shown grace so many times in my life. For me the overwhelming example is the grace God shows me. I certainly don’t deserve it & yet he openly & generously forgives me time & time again. He doesn’t hold it over my head or make me work for it, he forgives as sweetly & generously as I would forgive my own child. In fact, that’s my favorite way to envision God, as a loving father.
I don’t know why I felt compelled to write about this today. Sometimes I feel like my blog has an identity crisis, one day I’m posting about how to make your own DIY maxi dress from used up Target bags (Haha, as if. Ok, maybe…not) & then the next I’m spilling my guts all over the page about forgiveness, mommy stress, or depression. I have this overwhelming urge to share sometimes, when those rare times happen that I actually have some clarity about how make this crazy life a little easier I just want to tell you. It’s also the same thing when I find an awesome new blush or fantastic sewing pattern, sometimes I just have to tell you. I suppose that’s what a blog is all about in the end. As mine grows though I sometimes think about censoring myself so I can fit a certain niche better. So my brand will be more marketable. You know what, that’s DUMB. It may not make me money as much but that’s not what I started this for, I may not have known it four years ago when Samster Mommy launched but I certainly know it now, my calling on here is to be a real person, a real mother, wife & woman & this is a place for real conversation. Sometimes it’s light & fruity & sometimes I want to make you think. Sometimes I just want to toss thoughts out there in hope that one person will read it & go, “Oh my gosh, that is EXACTLY what I needed to hear. I’m so glad I’m not alone.”
So my nugget for today is this, allow yourself to grow in grace. Both by giving it & receiving. Two things I’m trying to constantly work into my life this year are humility & generosity. Emotional generosity. We become jaded, selfish & just plain tired over the years & it’s easy to become stingy with apologies, forgiveness or trust. It’s not easy but I want to peel off some of those layers. I think learning to grow in grace will fit nicely into that plan. Now I just need you to remind of this tomorrow, and the next day, and the next… (:
I just had to comment…I LOVE THIS…”choose to trust that person, to forgive & show grace then that gesture could benefit our relationship far more than standing my ground ever could.”
My long term boyfriend and I recently went through a rough patch where we broke up and got back together and my best friend couldn’t understand how I could just forgive and move forward. I could not have explained my reasoning better than you did right there! And I love it when you share personal posts on here, it’s nice to not feel alone! :o)
Wow talk about spot on today. I’ve been thinking lately how I’m of the mind “ifs husband is going to act like that them I will just …(fill in the blank) “. Now I’m trying to react how I wish he would vs how I would like (which usually involves some rather choice words ;))
Absolutely beautiful post. As an almost overly independent girl adjusting to life as a newlywed, I’m learning how damaging my ingrained thought process can be. I’m so used to feeling like I always need to be right to not seem weak to men that I come across as domineering (showing little, if no grace) to my wonderful husband. I’m learning through reading some marriage books, couples counseling, and lots of prayer to become the wife that God made me to be. I’m learning to put him first and to be more loving, supportive, and to show grace when I’m wrong. It’s hard to combat the mindset that giving him priority is detrimental to my womanhood and every right that women have fought for, but the proof is in the results. 🙂 And I’m glad that this isn’t one of those blogs that just posts about food and crafts. The posts where you put yourself out there are the ones that show that you’re everyday person with struggles like the rest of us and it’s what makes you the incredible blogger that you are. Thank you for being so willing to be honest. 🙂
This is very timely… I have been feeling God moving me to show grace a little more; mostly towards my husband. Like you, I tend to have this inner drive to prove I am an independent woman, and not a doormat… Why this is, I am not sure. I have never been in an abusive relationship; in fact, just the opposite. I have always been in functional, respectful relationships, and my parnrs had/have the same. But, I tend to expect a lot from others, and any perceived wrong from another (usually my husband), is met with defensiveness. I have been hearing God lately reminding me to not react harshly so quickly, and to show grace. I am already noticing a difference in my marriage… What I am seeing us that my fear of becoming a doormat is not at all realistic; in fact, my hubs tends to apologize quicker when his imperfections are met with grace and love rather than defenses.
“Oh my gosh, that is EXACTLY what I needed to hear. I’m so glad I’m not alone.”
I’m serious. I needed to hear this today. So thanks.
Well written! It’s encouraging to see these kind of posts from someone read by many many others. I commend you for putting your feelings and beliefs out there and encourage you never to change. 🙂
(: Thank you Miranda, xoxo!
Well said, Natasha. Very good job.
One year ago, yesterday my fiancé and I broke off a 10 year relationship because we were living different lives. Neither of us were ready to committ but hadn’t admitted it to each other in fear of losing the one we’ve loved forever. We’ve taken the time to grow and learn about ourselves and yet the love remains.
Reading your blog today reminded me so much of the battle the last year has been and how much i have had to learn those very things- humility and emotional generocity. In learning how to grow in grace, I’m happy to say we have decided to begin the next chapter in our lives together and happier than ever.
Thanks for this post- I like giving myself a second to reflect-in between all of the DIY projects and recipes, of course! 🙂
Aw Ashley thank you SO SO much for sharing that! You have know idea how happy it makes me, sometimes I throw these posts up and immediately worry that everyone is going think it’s dumb or that I’m crazy but your comment is exactly why I put it out there. Thank you (:
Just wanted to add that being graceful to yourself is also important. As a type A perfectionist I find that I will hold things against myself long after I’ve asked for grace from God or someone else. Terrible thing to do. This does two things: it undermines the fact that they gave you grace and it prevents you from moving on. So, try to show grace to yourself, despite how hard it may be. If you can do it, you will be much happier for it. I definitely struggle with leaving my perceived failures in the past though, I’ve really got to work on that!
Amen to that! So true…so so true
oh…my… gah! I’m literally sitting here with my mouth open. You have once again amazed me with your words and perfect timing. You’re really helping people Natasha. Your blog is great and I will forever be a reader! I hope we, your audience, comfort you as much as you comfort us. Because of you and all of the readers comments, I know I’m not alone in this mommy-hood. 😉 Thank you thank you thank you!!!!
Perhaps your “niche” is that you are so relatable? You are inspiring but not in a way that leaves us feeling inferior. When I leave your blog I do not feel like “geez Natasha is so good at everything and I suck.” But instead I think “well if she can do it then maybe I can too?” Especially when you’ve left step by step how-to instructions!
Your crafts and light hearted blogs are fun but Its your personal blogs/vents that let us you know are a real person with real problems just like the rest of us.
I love your blog! I’ve been with you since Samster Mommy launched and have been a faithful reader ever since. I don’t feel like there is any identity crisis, I see it as a living, breathing, growing being. So many other blogs have their niche and refuse to deviate, but you fearlessly throw out whatever happens to be going on with you with no regard for whether or not it makes sense as a whole, to me it does. I can honestly say that I’ve learned so much from your blog, and as someone expecting my first little one soon (August), I find it extremely comforting that you approach marriage and motherhood from such a truthful place, it’s so refreshing to know that it may not all be perfect, my kids might not always be squeaky clean or well behaved and my husband might not always be satisfied but that’s life, and it’s OK. I just want to thank you for allowing us all into your life and sharing all the craziness it entails! You are far more normal than you realize.
Thank you so much Lisa, I’m seriously going to print this out & stick it on my laptop so I can remember it next time I hit ‘publish’ and then feel stupid. (:
Don’t change a thing about your blog!! I love it just the way it is and one of the reasons i follow you is because you keep it honest and open and you have faults just like me.
Thank you for this!!!!!
ah, this hit the spot today. it’s hard transitioning from “me” to “we” even after years and years of being together. lord knows there are numerous days I want to strangle my man instead of cutting him some slack. we’re slow learners sometimes as well i suppose. thanks for sharing these candid thoughts – i know many of us can relate. xx
Slow learners is soooo true, but hey, it’s better to get their eventually then never at all!