I was catching up on my tivod Oprah and was watching Monday’s episode on “The true side of Motherhood” during playtime today. One of the topics they covered was, “Things nobody warned you about motherhood” I didn’t have to think about the question very long before an immediate answer popped into my head.
Loneliness.
Now that’s a hard one for me to admit because I don’t want people to think I’m this shut in with no friends. I’m not the type of girl who has 100’s of girlfriends but I do have a few very dear women that I would consider some of the best friends a girl could ask for. Sam and I go on play dates with girlfriends down the street several times a week but still I often feel lonely being a stay at home mom. It’s 24-7 with this little person that can’t exactly carry on a conversation and I’m sorry but sometimes I get to 11am and can’t help but start counting down the hours until bedtime. Isn’t that sad? I hope other moms feel this way too. It’s not all the time but sometimes the monotony and hours between naps and feedings seem endless.
I realized today how lonely motherhood could get because P and I are fighting. Nothing big, well, it’s big to me right now but I’m sure the basis of our argument is pretty normal for husbands & wives. Anyway, I realized that when I don’t have him to talk to the day gets pretty darn lonely. Even though I went to the mall with my good friend Megan, when it was time to drive home I found myself dreading the silence that was ahead of me. A morning by myself with the baby, lunch with a friend, and then since I’m giving P the silent treatment an evening of by myself. Most of it once again with the baby.
I guess my point is that I didn’t quite realize when I decided to stay home how much I depended of the social interaction that comes with going to work. No one ever told me that when you take co-workers away and replace it with a cooing baby it would leave you feeling a bit down now and then. Especially when my evening social interaction is temporarily on hold until someone apologizes. That or I give in out of pure social desperation.
I’m putting myself out on a limb here by admitting all this but my gut tells me I’m not alone. SO, what did no one tell you was going to be so hard about motherhood?
Don’t worry it gets better with time when they grow and eventually you will return to do what you used to do before you became a mommy. You are being a good mom sacrificing your social life somehow, as a matter of act is not a sacrifice is an investment. Better days will come soon specially when you and P make up 🙂
Dont worry at least you have someone that comes home every night! Just imagine being alone with the baby and the dog for 3 weeks straight you want to talk about loneliness. Thanks to my friends and family that make it not so bad. What I do to make the time go by is I haved enrolled Kristian in swimming classes which makes it fun for both of us and we are able to interact with others. Also I started training for a bike race and i hook him up to the end of the bike and we are off for a few hours we find a park and have a picinic. I have also signed up for a water aerobics class with a couple of friends starting next week which will also help with the fact that I am always alone and will allow me to be social. I feel that I have lost all my friends after Kristian was born because everyone always wants to go out but I have to stay home and play mom. Im assuming that once the kids get older it will be a lot better especially when they start talking you will have a liitle you that will talk your ear off!
And the silient treatment works but sometimes its just better to let go and remember there are more important things in life to argue about just remember that Sam takes it all in and even though you may not think so she knows that mommy and daddy are not getting along for something so small.
Natasha,
I had goose bumps ready your entry. I am a mother of three. Ages. 18, 17 and 15. So, I had them very close in age. I was a stay at home mom and my husband worked many hours to allow me to be able to stay home. I definately feel every word that you were putting out there. It is a very lonely time as well as very rewarding. I was able to stay home for 6 and 1/2 years. After going back to work, I really missed my kids. This took a long time to get used to. I would cry. It was terrible. I got laid off in August and while I know I really need a job (I think I may have a good lead at the moment) is as much as I like being here everyday when they come home from school and have stories about their day and I was the first one to hear about it. So, while this time seems lonely, sit back and relax (haha) and enjoy every moment. They go by so quickly. It seems just yesterday my kids were all little like baby Sam and I truly miss them being small. As far as your argurment with Peter, I am sure you were right in this arguement (as the woman is always right) but, like the blogger above my comment mentioned sometimees it is better to justlet it go. Maybe, it will make you feel a little better and help you through this lonliness that you are feeling at this moment. I wish you the best and even though I do not personally know you. I know that you are an excellent mother! Mucho hugs to you! Take care.
Aww im sorry you feel that way 🙁
I think we all have those feelings sometimes, it’s perfectly normal. Noone said it would be easy being a stay at home mom. I did not have the option to stay home, but the days I am home with a one year old (vacation and days off during the week), let me tell you it’s hard work and sometimes frustrating. I do more work the days I am at home, but I do enjoy being at work even though the whole day I say to my co-workers how much I miss my son. Noone can prepare you for what motherhood brings, but you deal with it the best you know how. You are doing a great job and I thank you for being so completely normal like the rest of us. Now, I am thinking, can I handle a second? I think that will be harder.
My son is 13 months old and I totally understand where you are coming from. My hudsband works crazy hours so by the time he gets home, I am putting Hudson down for the night and then I am off to bed myself. The worst part is that I know it will only get worse- my husband (a marine) just got orders to go to Japan without us for a year and will be leaving in June.