Have you ever found yourself so aggravated that you get into a fight (albeit a very one-sided one) with a doll?
This morning I had some nasty words with Belle.
I was running around like a madwoman trying to clean up for the cleaning ladies which a.) seems like a ridiculous concept & b.) makes me sounds like a total brat. Just insert “#spoiledgirlproblems” anywhere you like…
I walked into Sam’s room & found that she’d managed to take out every single Barbie, Barbie shoe, Barbie car & some legos that I didn’t even know we owned while I was getting ready this morning. (and by ‘getting ready’ I mean finding creative solutions to having 1″ long black roots on my newly blonde hair…ps- there aren’t any)
I grumbled around tossing Sam’s pink, medium pink, light pink & dark pink toys in every hidden nook & cranny I could find because I know if it’s left on the floor the cleaning ladies will leave vacuum marks in a circular trail around said Barbie. Seriously, can you not just pick it up? Are you afraid if you do it this one time I might just take advantage & before you know it you’re cleaning red solo cups off the chandelier a la Animal House? I then come across Sam’s talking Belle doll. As I throw a pile of other dolls on top of her it triggers her sensor & she says in an uber cheerful voice, “Hello friend, I’m so glad to see you today!”
Me: “Whaaa? You’re not my friend bee-otch. If you were my friend you wouldn’t just sit there & giggle at me, you’d carry your weight around here & maybe put your damn doll clothes away!”
(mental note: call shrink later, mention latent anger)
After not touching her for a few minutes her automatic shutdown comes on & she says “Yawn…time for a rest! Goodbye!”
Me: “Ohhhh so now you’re tired huh?! After a whole life of contributing nothing you need a f*?%#ing nap?! That’s great. Maybe if you didn’t sleep so much you wouldn’t be so damn fat!”
Except she’s not fat. She’s perfect. She’s a freakin’ Disney princess. One with a slight beastiality problem but a princess nonetheless.
And then I realized I’ve just cursed out an inanimate object.
“Yawn…time for a Xanax. Goodbye!”
Am I certifiable or have you ever lost it on a toy?
I do it alll the freakin time. Lol I laughed when I read your story because yes I have been there done that. I feel like its better than taking it out on my 2.5 year old right? I’m jealous you have a cleaning lady. 😉
Yes, this is true. Instead of beating myself up for yelling four letter words at a Disney princess I’m just going to tell myself it actually makes me a better mommy. (;
Your post made me think of this…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d8pvD_4Pd1A
bahahahaa!!!! this is so FUNNY! yes, i too have cursed at items that have no feelings but had hurt my feelings. I remeber when we brought my now 1.75 year old daughter home from the hospital, i couldn’t work the freakin’ wipe container to save my life! i kept calling it a lousey POS. I ended up using a huge knife of my husbands to cut the top off, then i covered it in saran wrap…..seemed like a good idea at the time.
I don’t know that I’ve ever lost it on an inanimate object before but I do lose it on my cats all the time. I’ll be running around cleaning the house and they’ll just be lying there…all cute and indifferent to my suffering. Then when I try to get a moments rest they are all up in my kool aid. I’ve said to them on many occasion “have you done ANYTHING to contribute to society today?!” at which they just stare blankly at me and continue licking themselves.
LOLOLOL!
I do that too, rush around picking up so they can clean on Thursdays. I find myself yelling to my older kids, “Is your room picked up? What about your bathroom?”
Sooooo glad I’m not the only one. It’s such a terrible thing to complain about but it drives me C-R-AZY
I do it all the time! Caroline has this annoying purple dog named Violet, and often she when she crawls into bed with us in the middle of the night she brings it with her. Then I’ll be sleeping and move my arm and it’ll say “Hi Caroline, can you find something BLUE?!” And then I throw it across the room.
Sophie has that dog, except we’ve never attached it to the computer so it always just says “Hi! Please have a parent attach me to the computer! Ruf!”
Ellie has one, too! The lyrics to the songs make me cringe, but Ellie loves it!
It sounds like you need a break for just you. 🙂 Maybe sneak out of the house once P is home and have some girl time? Or maybe just some time for you to relax, take a hot bath or just go shopping by yourself? Isn’t the craft store great therapy?
My daughter had a Dora phone that started going off by itself one night when my husband was at work and the girls were in bed… it was just me and a demon possessed Dora. I threw that phone across the room and called it several colorful names. It did it again, so I told it off again and took it outside to the big trash can. My kids don’t get very many toys that move or make noises…. I have issues.
OHMYGOSH Jennifer, those Dora toys are from THE DEVIL HIMSELF! My mom has bought my girls the microphone & the guitar. I finally had to ban her from buying anymore…their volume level is OBSCENE!! Hate.Hate.Hate them. Glad I’m not the only one!
I just cursed at a toy and threw it across the room when I stepped on it with my bare foot ! 🙁
When my daughter used to watch Sesame Street and Elmo’s World would come on, if you heard me, you’d probably run in the other direction! “Dorothy wants to ask a question.” and “Dorothy wants to ask someone else.” always had me muttering, ‘Well, Dorothy’s a nosey bitch and needs to mind her f’n business.” and other such pleasantries. We don’t do talking dolls here, specifically so the men in white coats don’t take Mommy away. ‘Cause we all know they would!
Lol, that’s hilarious!
Bunnies….
I just had to tell you… I live in MD I was just listening to the KS as I’m getting ready for work and the bunny story is hilarious!! I love that you want to keep them forever! Lol… And even better, I love the note from Momma Bunny. Have a good day!
Aw thanks! I’m actually getting ready to put up some pics & videos now!
LOL! I am so glad that I’m not the only one cursing out my kids dolls! Especially the Princess dolls, always looking so perfect & put together & giving us false hopes for “happily ever after”… geeez… =)
LOL you just made me morning with that one calling her a bee-otch was the best!!!! I only have a son so no talking ot dolls yet but Im sure its in my future since I have a daughter due next month!!! LOL And screww those cleaning ladies if they dont actually pick things up for you I would find some new ones!!
I can SO relate to this post! I constantly have battles with Rock Star Mickey, or whatever the heck his name is. He sings and dances and says, “Oh yeah, uh huh, come on, get your groove on!” So annoying and he sometimes goes off in the middle of the night. I’ve thrown him against the wall on many occasions. But my boys (3 and 1) love him, so I can’t throw him away… yet. 🙂 Thanks for sharing, this made me laugh!
Clean for the cleaning ladies! Hahahah youre so funny. It’s so true though.
I can definetly relate to this. my daughter has a baby alive that likes to randomly sing at two in the morning….It will start out saying “mommy can we play?” my daughter even gets annoyed with it. lol it will ask to play and I hear her saying “noooo go back to sleep!!” hahaha…oh, and I have a tip for toys that are waaaay to loud. you put some masking tape over the speaker and it muffles the noise. it doesnt look that great but its much better than having their eardrums blown out, or getting rid of a toy they love. the duct tape with designs on it might look a little better.
Ugh, the tape is GENIUS!!!!
We don’t have talking dolls, since Tully is a boy, but I do regularly curse his wagons, blocks, and all of the other land mines he leaves out for me when I need to walk through the living room to the kitchen for something in the dark.
And for the record you do not sound like a spoiled brat talking about cleaning ladies. Maybe you go without cable TV or fancy dinners out to pay for their help. Moms should never judge other moms, and the fact that those magic cleaning fairies give you more time with your kids trumps everything. PS. I pick up before our ladies come too, so they can spend more time CLEANING and less time PICKING UP 🙂
LMFAO – Absolutely yes, I have been there too! Sooo funny, the sad part is that my kids share a room (boy/girl) and it’s the boy that messes the room up and ironically has the most toys. So, when I get into a maddening cleaning fit in their room, all of his toys end up piled on top of my daughter’s toys in the toy chest. Well there is this damn bug eyed hot pink furry nightmare creature of a toy that constantly tells my daughter how much she loooooves her and blows her sweet kisses and one time it just kept going off each time I threw a toy in the box. It just kept blowing kisses and telling me it loved me and I pulled every toy out of the box to kill it only to find out it must be possessed because it wasn’t in the box it was under the bed…..way in the back corner of the wall and I tried to crawl my fat ass up underneath to get it. I eventually gave up and left the room in shambles. I don’t like that toy.
NATASHA I LOVED THIS POST!
Hi my name is Karen and yes, I lose it with toys too! I”m so glad I read this. I would often wonder if other mothers throw the toys across the room. You made me laugh today, thanks.
Love it!!! I’m not alone . I have talking toys for my18 month old going off at random times and then Barbie and her skinny, perfect, plastic self , who jumps out and lays in the middle of the dark hall way at night. When I step on her I try not to scream and wake the whole house but Barbie and I have TALKED and I told her why Ken won’t marry her. LOL
LOL, Ohhhh, I just read your last line to P, HYSTERICAL!
so funny! I always talked to toys,especially dolls.Little kids need dolls,and doll clothes… that have a GPS that beeps, until it is placed in the toy box.when play time is over.!!! no more lost designer doll shoes!
By the way, I thought I’d come back and mention that our jacks that we left on the floor got a colorful cuss out each time our Dad stepped on them. 🙂 OOOPS! My poor dad, the only guy in a house full of girls.
Hahaha this made me laugh so much. I love this blog, it seems to always have some relateable humor. So far my evil thoughts directed at my daughters toys is at the noise making ones that go off after Ive just gotten my daughter to sleep.