48 hours that is…
(Well, actually the last 6 months is probably more like it)
It’s hard to explain exactly what has been going on with our family when I can’t really divulge everything, can you imagine some people don’t want to put their entire personal life on the internet?! Bizarre. What I can say is this, we have been changing. I don’t know when it started but somehow I can in hindsight see that through trials & blessings our family has been in the process of being carved & molded into something new, something stronger yet also very humbled.
Everyday life has been very consuming lately, I’ve had a few flareups that have set me back quite a bit, also an ER trip in there which always has ramifications, everything stops when I get sick. (For those of you who are also battling your own bodies & want to chat about details I can tell you more about it in the comments section but basically my connective tissue disease is screwing with my jawbone giving me a TMJ flareup that’s setting off some vicious headaches that my migraine medication doesn’t even touch.)
I’ve been horseback riding a few times a week over the last year for exercise, & honestly it’s extremely therapeutic, but I had to take this past week off to ‘rest’ which I hate. Now though, enough rest, it’s time to literally get back on the horse again. So cheesy but I just couldn’t resist. I’m starting to think life might always be like this, a series of 3 steps forward, 2 steps back, 3 steps forward, 2 steps back…but as long as I keep choosing to move forward after a setback it’s still progression, right?
Then there’s my relationship with my husband, which is by far the most exciting & treasured change in my life right now. There are lots of changes going on in our life that I can’t wait to tell you about (I’m literally squealing inside & completely panicking all at once) but by far the best change in my life is my relationship with P. It’s crazy, after 7 seven years of marriage this past month has shown mean that we really haven’t been doing it right & this new ‘us’ is what I always wanted. Our relationship over the last, geez, 16 years, has always had a good dose a drama. Passionate relationships often do. In hindsight I think I spent the first few years focusing on me, what I wanted out of life, what I was or wasn’t going to allow…I seemed to think that for some reason I needed to establish boundaries of what was going to be acceptable or not in our life, it was almost like a pet training mentality! It was all about me. You’re so selfish in your twenties, or at least I was. It takes a long time to crack the “what I want” mindset & actually think of someone else first. We have been through so much the last few years, aside from my trials P has had his own path he’s been trying to figure out. His show may sound so funny, easy going & give the impression of being off the cuff but it actually requires a tremendous amount of behind the scenes work. He works harder than anyone I know & gives his job beyond 100% dedication. Of course he loves his family even more…I can’t imagine what it’s like to be the ‘breadwinner’ of the relationship. I have my own challenges but he’s constantly being pulled in the opposite directions of wanting to spend time with family but also doing what is needed to provide for that family. Can’t even imagine.
I can’t really explain how it happened but somehow in the last few weeks we both have had a ‘come to Jesus’ moment where we realized we had drifted down our own paths. We were living in the same house, sharing a life, but also very much living our own lives. Simply co-existing is an easy trap to fall into during a normal time much less the daily storms we’ve been getting. Then something beautiful happened, through different circumstances we both were faced with a moment where we could pick the other up & offer them complete forgiveness & unconditional love or could choose to continue to limp through a life that was laden with resentment.
I believe that it is only because we both have been going through trials that have showed us our weaknesses we were able to say, “It’s OK.” I hope one day, maybe even further down this road I’m discovering I can share more because it is a beautiful story but for now let’s leave it at, even though this stage of life is hard, even though you might have wounds from the past if you can get to a place to look at someone & say, “It’s OK.” and mean it, it can truly free you.
“And He has said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. 10Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ’s sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong.”
2 Corinthians 12:9
So that’s the last 10 days. A certain relative has told me I need to post more happy stuff like I used to & not as much deep, heavy posting. And you know what, there’s so much more that I can’t wait to share with you like Sophie’s Queen Elsa Ballerina Party, some decorative makeovers, cute videos of the girls & all of the fluffy, yummy, sweet stuff in my life but I also feel very compelled to make sure that I always share the ‘real stuff’ too, because too often that gets left out & we go through the same trials side by side but feeling alone because we don’t know that the girl beside you has been there too, or maybe is in the thick of it now.
Now, off to give my 4 year old the best Frozen Ballerina Birthday Extravaganza ever!
This is so sweet!! I am a (semi) listener of the Kane show, which is how I found your blog, but I’ve always felt in listening that he truly loves you, and his family! I’ve been married now for 15 years, and I’m only 37. I can tell you marriage is hard–especially with kids!!! We have had our ups and downs but when your husband is a good person, makes you laugh, and you actually like him—it makes for a life long relationship!!! Totally makes up for the day to day nonsense that drives us crazy;) Wishing you all the best with the exciting things to come!!! Many blessings to you and for your marriage!!
LOL, thank you Jasmine, you know what my favorite part of your comment was? “You actually like him”, I love that because chances are you always LOVE your significant other but you may not always LIKE him/her, and that’s OK, that’s real life my friend!
I’m so happy for you and your husband! I hope you are feeling better with your health and all, and enjoy your horse back riding :)Cannot wait to read your future posts, especially the one about Sophie’s bday, I saw your IG, she is so sweet! XOXO
I love to read posts like this because sometimes all these blogs show are the happy cute stuff like thier life is so perfect and its nice to ehar you go thru things as well. I actually found you through Kane as well and enjoy you both and you all are an inspiration to us singles out there still looking. I know marriage is not easy but I look forward to having someone to share the ups and downs with.
And Im going out on a limb here and saying that the grat news you cant wait to share is….baby #3!!??? 😉
HA! That would be a big fat NO. But nice try (;
I clicked over to read because of your title {follow on BlogLovin’} and thought about how similar we are as I have gaps in my posting too. Then I read your post and I’m over here all awwwww… I love her. She is real. She is awesome sauce. 🙂
LOL, awww, that made me smile. I was just about to lose my cool over my dog going bananas and the house being a trainwreck & then I read your comment & it totally made. me. smile.
Reading your “come to Jesus” moment almost brought me to tears! It is the most amazing experience and your marriage and life will only get better! We will still go through our trials and tribulations but we know that ALL things work for the good of those who love Him. When you experience that Jesus moment, there is a different type of intimacy with your spouse that cannot be explained. There is unity, forgiveness, love, respect, humility, understanding. I am continually praying for you, you are an awesome woman! Looking forward to you sharing your big changes/news.
I would love to know more about what changed your relationship dynamic; we are at the place you were in our own marriage. We each have our own lives, we both work. He is opening a new practice, I am working full time outside of the home, but then doing all of the house/parenting duties, as well… I get home earlier, so do the school pick-up, driving to dance/gymnastics, cooking dinner, etc. By the time he gets home, he tries to focus on our daughter (which is definitely my preference too; she needs to spend time with her Daddy!); we eat dinner together as a family, then it’s bathtime, bedtime for her… By the time she’s in bed, dishes are done, etc., we may have an hour or so to spend together before we’re just completely exhausted. We then head off to our separate bedrooms – because I discovered the mattress in our room kills my back, and the one in the guest room does not. For him? Vice versa. So, until we move within the next couple years and upgrade to a King-sized bed with a new mattress, we’re basically staying in separate rooms.
We’re not fighting (any more than usual) or anything… we are just basically two ships passing in the evening. And I realize that this is probably just a matter of time… circumstances with our jobs, a younger child, etc., but I do miss the intimacy… I miss feeling like a married couple and not just roommates.
Anyway… all of that to say… what’s your secret? I would love to get back to that place.
Boy, do I know exactly what you mean! I wish I had a magic formula to tell you but I have no idea myself! I will say that for us we teetered on that roommate/married couple line for many years & there’s a part of me that thinks that’s probably ok & is pretty normal for people with small kids BUT we’ve been lucky that one of us was always trying to make sure the relationship was still being looked after, even if that just meant a rule that he always has to give me a kiss before he leaves or we try to watch a TV show together one night a week. It’s almost like little nuggets here & there to keep “us” alive, keep “us” from completely starving…we’ve kind of limped along till now…it’s hard Wendy, it is very very hard my friend.
lol when I’m in an especially good mood, I tell my husband, “I love you and I like you.” (quote from Parks and Recreations)
I think for me the thing that has worked the most (we’ve been married 8 years – have an almost five year old who was recently diagnosed with a developmental delay) is that even on our worst days, we still work hard to be there for each other and truly be the best for our family…
I know that even on my hubby’s worst day he’s better for me than any other person…
Just knowing that helps 😉
i can’t even tell you how much i needed to read about how you and P were coexisting in the same house. i know that sounds awful for me to say – but it makes me feel not alone. that i’m not the only person in the world in that same spot. it’s an awful place to be – i don’t know how we got here, and i don’t know how to get out.
but it’s comforting to know that you and P are in a better place now. i hope i have the same thing soon. so thank you very much for sharing. i look forward to hearing more about the story if you are thinking about sharing.
You will my friend, I know exactly how you’re feeling right now & it can be so scary that maybe it will always be like that but as someone who I hope is on the other side of that hump (fingers crossed!) I can tell you to hang in there, IT WILL GET BETTER. God always takes care of His own.
I absolutely love your “deeper” posts! Just being an outsider that reads your blog, follows you on Instagram and Facebook, and follows P and listens to The Kane Show as well, your life looks simply perfect. Knowing that a person that you look up to that seemingly has a perfect life has problems too makes things not seem so bad when I am chasing around a crazy toddler that has torn off his pants and is running down the sidewalk. Thank you for posting real life!
Lol, omgosh I just got such a visual of you chasing your little ‘monster’! Thank you for your comment, I needed to hear that today. (:
Ok so I read a lot of craft blogs, which is how I stumbled on yours a really long time ago. Your blog has changed over the years and I for one really like it! Sometimes I open my reader and find a post by some mom who works full time and has eight kids and runs marathons made her and her eight daughters matching dresses over the weekend, and aren’t we all so fabulous and cute?! I’m totally exaggerating… but seriously it’s nice to read something with a dose of real life in it to remind you that everyone has their trials. Thank you for sharing yours!
Omgosh, your comment cracked me up because there are a few DIY blogs I still love to read but they do make me feel so bad, like what the heck am I doing wrong?! One day at a time my friend…one day at a time. (;
Thankyou for posting the deep and real stuff as well as the crafty stuff! too many blogs make it seem like there are some” perfect people” with ” perfect lifes”. You know the ones, that make everyone else depressed( messy kitchen ,kids complaining or crying,lots of bills, and a sick relative who is may not make it through the day and it is still only the morning – my life – real life is so far from perfect)
But how do we get through all this? With God it is in God’s hand…
Amen sista!!
natasha…. you are so insightful and i love your way of thinking. you seem like the kind of person i’d love to just sit down with some coffee and talk about everything. thanks for sharing your heart with the world 🙂
Thank you so much Jessica, your comment made my day. (: We can have virtual coffee together!
Thank you Jessica, what a sweet compliment, totally made my day!
Wow, this post really strikes a cord with me. I know the feeling, we don’t have kids, but between my health issues earlier this year, a miscarriage, his unhappiness with his job I feel like we’re there too. After 6 years of marriage, a house, a dog and life in general, we’re still together but so very far apart in a lot of ways. It’s lonely and it’s hard, and it’s very sad. It was very inspiring to read your post considering that around us most of our friends (if not all) are either divorced or going through divorces. I hope you share with us more of your journey to this point because it’s very inspiring to read stories like this from real people like you and to hope that we (or I) find our way back to that place again.
Thank you so much for your comment “Z”, it inspires me to keep writing but I also want you to know my heart goes out to you so much. I can empathize with where you’re at, I know that loneliness you’re talking about & I can only tell you that it can get better. He can change…you can change. Please keep in touch, even though we don’t technically “know eachother” I believe we cant still use this platform to encourage each other, so please stick around & we’ll figure it out together. (:
Reading your blog for a while now I feel like I know you, even though if you think about it, it’s kind of creepy! Sorry, I really do appreciate your real-life posts because I know how hard it is to talk about life-things, especially to strangers. I really do love your blog, even though I do not craft, but it’s posts like these that really touch my life. 🙂
Thank you so so much (: I’ve had a bit of a lapse since I last wrote but comments like yours truly do inspire me to get back on & write again. (:
Can I just say that I’m so happy to see that you’re still on your blog? I haven’t seen in an update in quite awhile so to see that you commented on the day I was looking for some inspiration is so great! I deal with a lot of similar issues to you (pain, kids, marriage…etc) so to hear you talk openly is so nice! Anyway, thanks!!
Just like all the other commenters I too loved reading this post. I am feeling like (in my 6yr marriage) that we are passing ships as well. 3 kids, he works 6 days a week..12hr shifts, and I work at night. I want to have our come to jesus moment. I know in time it will happen. It gives me hope reading your post, and the other ladies who commented, that it can happen. Cant wait to hear more about your exciting news. May God continue to bless your family.
It will happen for you Kellee, have faith, I don’t know when but I do know God always takes care of His children, each one of us in His own perfect timing. Hang in there my friend. (:
The suspense is killing me??? Please tell us!! We are so vested in your lives and we all feel like family!!!! I pray it’s all good for you because you and you family deserve it!!!
i miss you…..still making my daily stop to see if you’ve posted! hope all is well and we hear from you soon!
Thank you for checking in (: Sorry for disappearing!
Natasha, I also have a fairly rare connective tissue disorder, and am faced with the every day challenges of trying to battle health, family, pets, and house…. sometimes it can be down right overwhelming. Keep you head up and keep swimming. Let me know if you ever want to exchange health battle stories/vent!
YES!! I would LOVE to hear your whole story! Thank you so much for commenting Jenn, it really does make such a difference to hear that someone else is dealing with the same problem, it can feel very very lonely. Would you mind emailing me? natasha@littlepinkmonsters.com
So sorry its taken so long but I just sent you an email. Things have been crazy around here…. I’m sure you get it 😉
This is beautiful – thank you so much for sharing! I know I’m late in saying this since you posted this in August, but that’s amazing – I’m so happy for you, Kane, and your family! I hope all the hard work in moving, etc., has paid off and you’re enjoying the “fruits of your labor”!
The struggle I have, is I always seem to have those epiphany moments (that you so beautifully wrote about in this post), and I seem to make progress with my husband and family…and then I feel I have a “slideback” and get discouraged again, and I feel like I’m back at square one. I’ve yet to find a way to keep that “high” you feel after those epiphany moments. Sigh – such is life! As you said, three steps forward, two steps back, three steps forward, etc.
You’re the best!
It’s alwayyyys three steps forward & two steps back my friend but at least that’s still moving in the right direction!
I love this post. It made me cry. I listen to your husband every morning and feel like I know your family. Lol. Thanks for sharing this. I’m so happy for you and your family.