I’ve been trying to keep momentum with my organization annihilation by tackling a cabinet here or a junk drawer there every day or so. Over the weekend I cleaned out Sam’s closet & found a slew of clothes & toys I had stashed away after her birthday, some of which she had already outgrown. Oops. Today I decided to gather all of the kid’s craft/art supplies & find space for them in what was previously the ‘baby cabinet’. I gladly tossed all of the baby food, bottle warmer & breast milk bags. After all, it’s been awhile since Sophie was an “infant” per say. After I had placed all of the paint supplies, play-doh & construction paper neatly on the shelves I stood back, let out a deep sigh & patted myself on the back for a job well done. I then went to empty the dishwasher & realized I had made a bit of an oversight. The one thing I was still using the baby cabinet for was storing Sophie’s bottles. Now there were glue sticks in their place.
At first I thought to myself, well, perhaps this is the reason I needed to chuck the bottles. I’m sure she’d probably be ok with a cup of milk at night instead. After all, the pediatrician had said at our last visit that it was time to let them go. I just had decided to quite intentionally ignore her instruction.
I actually started to panic a little when I couldn’t come up with a good reason to keep them. Sophie takes 2 sips of it on the couch before tossing it, she doesn’t need it to go to sleep & probably would not even notice if it were gone. I had always figured I’d take away the bottle at 18mths…Soph is 17 months next week. So what’s the big deal? Why was I actually considering re-working all of our pantry space to make room for bottles? Then I realized it. Having a bottle was the last bit of baby for Sophie. Last bit of baby for me.
I’m not so sure we’ll have a third & if we did it wouldn’t be for a very long time. With every stage Sophie completes there’s always a little sad thought in the back of my brain, “that’s it.” Last swaddle, last time for nursing, last first steps. I’m just not ready for giving up my very last “last”. And honestly, I’m not so sure that’s such a terrible thing. She’s only 17 months old, is it really going to hurt her in the long run if I heat her up some milk in a bottle before she goes to bed? She’s not falling asleep with it so her teeth won’t rot. She’s not carrying it around all day. If it’s a little something I hold onto for another month or two (or three) who is it really hurting?
All I’m saying is maybe I kind of get why Katie Holmes kept giving Suri a bottle even though she was like, 5. She’s old enough to wear 1″ heels everywhere but she’s still Katie’s baby. I always judged her but for the first time today I kind of understood. Now in hindsight however I’m wondering if I should try to stay away from making decisions based on tabloid photos of celebrities…perhaps not the most sound rationale.
On the other hand when I see a kid who’s way too old for their paci or bottle out in public I found it hard not to roll my eyes at the mother. My biggest pet peeve is seeing a kid who’s like, 8 years old & is in a stroller. They’re so big they have to bend their knees up to their chest to keep their legs from dragging on the ground. I’ve always wondered what the heck went wrong? Is it just that the parent can’t say no to their child?
Now however I’m wondering if it could have more to do with a parent who couldn’t let go? Is holding on to Sophie’s bottle a slippery slope that could eventually lead to being “that parent”? Or is it really such a terrible thing to hold on to your child’s youth once in awhile?
Have you held on or do you drop it as soon as the parenting book or doctor tells you to?
I used to wonder why Ben/Jen carried Violet around so much all the way up to age 5. Wasn’t she old enough to walk by herself? At that time I had a toddler boy who I could barely carry for long periods of time past age 1, he was a hefty boy!
But then I had my girl, and she is almost 5 and is so delicate and petite and she still fits so well on my hip. And she loves being there, and we talk and chat and have the best time. I fear the day she doesn’t want to be held anymore, and/or she becomes too heavy.
Do what feels right, they’re only babies once! 🙂
I do that with Sam still too Robin, especially because usually when I can hold her it’s one of the few times we’re without Sophie. I can tell she relishes that I’m holding her & for a little while it’s just the two of us again. (:
I thnk that’s mostly because of paparazzi, too. With the way they swarm around, I would want to keep my children as close as possible too. When you see videos, the celebrities sometimes have a hard time walking forward.
Jenny, you are so right, I didn’t think about that. And Natasha, totally agree! It’s special bonding time for sure. 🙂
I often have to stop myself from making rash judgements about other people’s parenting. You just never know what is going on in that family’s life. Does the child still have a pacifier because he’s been ill and he needs the comfort? Are the parent’s separating? Has there been a loss in the family? You just never know. I hate to see older toddlers with pacifiers and bottles but I don’t know them so I can’t judge. My son is small for a 7 years old and I often carry him. He’s had a traumatic year healthwise including a three week stay in the hospital with a week of that on a ventilator. To look at him he looks healthy but sometimes he needs to ride in the stroller or a wagon because he lacks the stamina or may be experiencing pain (which unfortunately has become his new normal). People may look at him with his knees up to his armpits and wonder about me as a parent. We were at the hospital having tests and a little girl came in with a pacifier. She looked to be a healthy, active 3 year old. I immediately wondered about the pacifier. After visiting with her mother I found out the little girl has a rare degenerative condition for which there is no treatment and will be terminal. Taking away her pacifier seems a harsh thing for a child who endures reagular medical treatments and may only have another year to live. You just never know. I think we each need to figure out what is right for our situation.
Oh my gosh Tammy, I’m so sorry about your son’s health. I’m sure it’s terrible for him but I can’t even imagine how scary & stressful that must be for you. And thank you so much for leaving your comment because I never thought about that a child might be in a stroller or have a paci for a very very good reason. You’ve totally grounded me with your comment, thank you!
I have been great “cutting the cord” with my baby girl; off the bottle at 10 months, moved to big girl bed at 18 months, etc. But I secretly love that at 3 she still needs her blanket for comfort and to go to sleep at night. We all hold on to something (some just aren’t as public as Suri with a bottle).
That and I don’t complain when she asks me to carry her to the car after preschool. Heck, I still pick up big girl (5) sometimes. It helps that she’s still only 40 lbs.
Aw, that makes me feel better that everyone has their weak spot. I love the Sophie loves her blankie.
4 year olds with pacifiers are the reason my kids never had one. I hate to see it and as an extended thumb sucker I know a habit is hard to break. I did not want to have to take it away. I HATE crying, which is why I still carry my 2 year old a lot. (that and I am late all the time and she walks like molasses flows.). I understand about the vestiges of babyness. I still nurse the 2 year old. I am not having more and nursing was and is my favorite thing about being a mom. Plus it is the only time I really sit down and relax. I love her little face when she falls asleep nursing. Like right now. So sweet. Good post. Having kids does make one less judgemental. Even though 5 is old for a bottle …..ha!
While I’m happy to be free of the demands of nursing I’m so jealous of what you just said, there’s nothing like that sweet little angel face that’s perfectly at peace nuzzled next to you…sighhhh
We ditched the bottle as soon as we switched our son from formula to milk at a year old. Him being our 3rd we’ve just discovered it is easier to make the switch sooner rather than later.
You never know with those paparazzi pictures… maybe she picked another child’s bottle up and they thought it would make headlines so they took a picture.
It is hard to let go when you’re not sure if you’re going to have another child. I’m going through the same thought process with my son and for me it’s the holding him until he falls asleep at nap/night time. I’m slowly trying to change but I love my ‘baby’ cuddles!
PS- If you have baby food that is not expired the local food banks are always looking for baby products!
Love this post!! Not only is it about parents letting go but as a parent I have to pick my battles! I’m like if a bottle makes you happier than a sippy cup then here is the bottle, not that I’m a push over but I have bigger fish to fry, like don’t hit ur brother or climb up the bookshelf! My oldest had a bottle til he was 2, and now at 2.5 he still have the soft top sippys… My youngest will be 1 in 2 wks and I’m not giving it up any time soon, hello he’s been nursing and literally just got the hang of the bottle a few wks ago so I’m not rocking the boat again and why? Cause some pediatrician decided that now is the perfect age? That certain dr prob doesn’t even have kids! He should spend a week at my house then decide if that’s what is best! When I see a parent with a 2/3 yr old with a blankie or a binky I say good for them! The kid is just a person who needs these things a little longer,I mean I like wine/a margarita after a long week so why should i judge a 3 yr old who needs his blankie… The world has enough issues and I saw if you and Sophie want/need the bottle a little longer, then do it! Cause I know I will be haha!!
Omgosh Taylor, preach it! I love the line “the kid is just a person who needs things…like a wine/margarita after a long week so why should I judge a 3 yr old who needs his blankie” I might just have to tweet that!
Honestly, I think the most important thing to take away from your realizations is not to judge other parents. I catch myself doing it, as well. But we all love our children and the (mostly) insignificant things we let them do as children are not going to define their lives. So what if a 3-year-old has a binky? Or an 8-year-old is riding in a stroller because he doesn’t feel like walking? I can guarantee that you or I do something with our children that other parents find wretched. I will admit I gasped when I read that your plan was to have Sophie use a bottle until she was 18-months-old (I had never heard of anything beyond 12 months), but I stopped when I realized you would probably gasp to learn that my 4 1/2 year old sleeps with a binky still. I think we should all just give each other a break and realize our opinions of other people’s parenting are at best useless and at worst hurtful. We should all give each other a break. I know I could do with feeling less judged by other mothers. (Though, my husband says this could best be accomplished by not reading the comment section of most AOL “news” stories.)
A-Freaking-MEN.
That is what I am going to do now. I give you all and myself a break.
My child is two…still drinks from a bottle…still has a pacifier…and still has to be carried sometimes (because he sets off running and sometimes I can’t catch him.) I would hate, hate, HATE to feel judged by anyone…especially other parents.
You all are great parents. I don’t know most of you but I do know that if you care enough to read Nat’s wonderful blog and want to set up fun things for your family, then you’re trying just as hard as the rest of us. We are all just doing the best we can with what we got!!!! Each child is different and all that jazz….
Do the best you can. Love your kids. Love your family. Love your friends. Be positive however you can.
Leave the rest to whatever higher power you believe in or the wind.
Aw, thanks Mel! (love your email name btw)
Thaaaaaaaaaaaaanks 🙂
LOVE THIS….the world would be so much better if we could get everyone on board with this thinking. I am following your initiative to start a movement. 🙂
I love that line… “our opinions of other people’s parenting are at best useless and at worst hurtful.” If it isn’t something one should be reporting to DCFS then what we think of “X” aspect of another’s parenting style is going to do nothing to help another family. At most it will just demoralize the other mother. Demoralizing people doesn’t generally help them improve their game.
I think most people struggle at times with judgmental thoughts about other’s parenting. It’s hard not to get opinionated about something we obsess over and strive to do as excellently as humanly possible.
This post and the ensuing discussion here has been a great and gentle reminder about giving others the grace we all are so desperate to receive. I’m impressed with the general tone of the community here and know this is a site I’ll want to frequent more often. After posting this comment I’m off to subscribe. 🙂
I’d say go with your gut! It’s not hurting her to have the bottle, and kids grow so fast that she will be going to kindergarten before you know it! Hold on to those last baby moments while you can! 🙂
Thanks for this post. My 19 month old still uses his bottle before bed, it’s just so much more soothing than a sippy cup and so I’m having a hard time making him give it up.
My youngest will be 17 months old tomorrow and I still swaddle her on occasion and I hold my 2 year old and console her and everything else because they are my babies and they need it at times. I’m sure at times my husband looks at me like I’m crazy, but I told him, these are our babies and yes, they have to grow up but there’s nothing wrong with cherishing them while they’re this age. I’ve always planned to cherish these moments, good and bad and so should all of us!
I completely agree with you! I have an almost 19 month old and she still uses a paci. It doesn’t help that she says the word paci so freaking cute. It’s the last baby thing on her. I can’t stand it. I am not stressing about taking it away but we have set a goal of 2. I don’t think it’s a slippery slope if you are aware of how you feel about it! Like everyone says do what’s right for you.
and ps. I totally rock my kid to sleep…..when she will let me. Most of the time I get slapped and she asks to be put in her crib, but if she falls asleep you bet your butt I am holding on to her as long as I can!
I don’t think anyone would think you were being insensitive about the stroller thing. We all judge a little bit but it’s the strong person that acknowledges it. I was judged about Rocco before he started walking with a cane. Doh! Luca used a binky till 3 and it was hard to get rid of it. Turns out she’s a pretty normal child now 🙂
I know how you feel about saying goodbye to those last baby moments. Vinny weaned at 24 months (gulp) and it seriously brought me to tears.
I have always been very insistent on breaking baby habits as soon as possible because frankly I think its just harder to do the longer you wait. If you take the bottle away at 12 months the baby will have forgotten all about it after a day or two. But if you wait until they are 3 or 4 years old, the habit is going to be much harder to break. But Tammy’s comment really opened my eyes. I will admit that I cringe when I see a child with a pacifier. In my mind pacifiers are meant to sooth babies when they are too young to sooth themselves. Just as bottles are meant for babies who are too young to drink from cups. But you never know what the circumstances are. I will definitely remember that next time I see a child doing something that I think they are too old for. Whats right for my family isn’t necessarily right for everyone else s family.
Not gonna lie, at 13 months not only does Olivia have a bottle… but she’s on formula. We’ve switched her over to milk and she doesn’t care, except being on milk makes her nose run like a faucet. I keep meaning to switch over to almond milk, which she totally doesn’t mind either, we just keep not doing it. Initially it was because we were going to be travelling at Christmas and formula travels easier. Now I think it might be the baby thing. Which is kind of lame, I’m something like 11 weeks pregnant so it’s not like I’m hanging on with the ‘last baby’ thing in mind. I don’t know… she walked at seven months, she’s climbing chairs and tables, the bottle for bed is all we have left maybe? lol
I love reading your post, since I can relate to practically everything you write. My daughter is the same age as your Sophie and is more than likely our last baby (I also have a 4 almost 5 year old son) I too have a hard time with getting rid of that nightly bottle, it seems like the last “baby” thing in our house. Does she need it, probably not but it’s our time to cuddle before bed and I want to hang on to that for as long as I can. We recently had to switch her to a big girl bed because she wasn’t having the crib anymore, I struggled with it but once I made the move my sleep has been uninterrupted. Why does it seem like the second child grows so much quicker than the first? Not to mention I’m having an even harder time with my son turning 5 next month – something about that age takes him out of the “little kid” classification……
confession…My 5 year old daughter still rides in her baby stroller 🙁 how else am I going to get shopping done at the mall if she keeps complaining she’s tired… not to mention I have a very tall 5 year old who looks 7… I do get a few stares here and there but oh well I won’t see them tomorrow or the next day so it doesn’t faze me at all.
I don’t think 5’s too old for a stroller at all. Sam is almost 4 & I can’t imagine her being ready to walk the entire mall a year from now. That’s not bad at all!
Good post! I find myself dreading being in your position. My second is almost 3 months (hopefully not the last) and I find myself looking at her newborn clothes and wondering how mean it would be to stuff her into something, just so I can cherish these times.
Ugh! That clothes KILL me. Soph needs her dresser cleaned out right now & I’m just dreading it. All the clothes 12 mths & under are done…sadness.
I’m still getting to the ‘last’ baby things as my twin boys (first kids) are only 7 1/2 months old. But, I definitely think I’ll have a hard time as they approach. Not too long ago, they both experienced a ‘first’. Teeth! And while I was so excited, it was sad for me too, knowing I’ll never see their little gummy smiles again. But you know what, they’re just too damn cute now, so I guess whatever stage we’re leaving, we reach a new one to love.
And I too judged a lot (especially before I became a mom), but really understand now how things happen. I rolled my eyes at a story of a mom who breastfed so long the kid would call out “Boob” when hungry, but perhaps that’s just me being sad because I wasn’t able to nurse my boys and I didn’t get to experience that connection. I resolve, along with a lot of you, to stop judging myself and other mom’s for things that don’t require government involvement!
My son (my first kid!) will be 3 in April…and he still has a bottle. That sounds terrible but it’s only full of water, and he takes a few sips before bed when he super tired. There are some days that he doesnt even drink from one so we really should just take it away. But….we just havent lol.
I could have written this post. Seriously. Madeline turns 18 months on the 18th and she still takes a bottle occasionally. *gasp* It’s my big secret though. But I can’t help it. I am like you…if and when another baby comes it won’t be for awhile and I want to keep her my “baby” forever. That, and having a deployed husband makes it easier to give her a bottle than listen to her whine or spit milk from a sippy. Bad mom:(
No bad mom Melissa! After reading all these comments I’ve offically decided that it’s no big deal. Now if a year from now we’re having the same conversation then we’ll talk…but for now, eh, it’s not gonna hurt anyone. (:
Our first had her bottle till about age 2, then our second didn’t like the bottle or a binky! I say let her have it, they are only young once and it isn’t hurting anything!! I think 5 might be a bit to old for a bottle, and being out in public with it.
lol, don’t be so quick to judge.. my little one just turned 3 and he is so tall he wears size 5 clothes. So when he’s in the stroller he looks huge but he’s just 3! He has a very tall daddy and I am not that short.. 🙂
Yeah….16 mos old son and we still do/use all of the following: pacifier, bottle (once/twice a day, not exclusively), rocking to sleep, carry him rather than let him walk, better make that RUN, away from me, puréed fruits/veggies in the pouch. BUT, he walked early (8 1/2 mos), so has been climbing the walls ever since, hence the need to carry him to get us from point A to B faster, he does have sippy cups and can drink thru a straw, he brushes all whopping 7 of his teeth (slowest teether EVER!), he does occasionally go to bed before I rock him to sleep-usually because he is so overly tired he squirms too much to hold him, and he is slowly coming around on fruits and veggies that are not puréed (my guess is that some are a texture issue).
So I cut myself some slack. I get compliments on his good behavior and fun personality, so we must be doing something right as parents. And seriously, when LITERALLY everything you imagined parenting to be/planned for is exactly the opposite of what you get, you have to learn to just go with the flow. Do I still compare my kid to others every now and then? Sure. Who doesn’t? Not in a competitive way, though, more out of curiosity and generally to see just how far off track we seem to be! LoL
Yup, TOTALLY get that! You do what you have to do, you know?